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I come from modest roots. My father went from job to job, and my mother worked full time for a moderate salary. I grew up in a working class neighborhood, and although I went to private school, I always felt like I had less than the rest of my peers there. I always related more to the kids who came from small houses, and middle-lower middle class backgrounds like I did.
Now I am in college at a prestigious school in the midwest, where the majority of people are upper-middle or upper class. I really have a hard time relating to them. To me it seems like they don't work as hard, and are more superficial than the working class people that my family is composed of. I really value my background and identify strongly with it, so it's not something that I want to give up, but I wish I could feel like I fit in more. I feel like beneath the barrier of social class, people are basically the same, but it can be difficult to crack that barrier. Does anybody else have experiences like this? What advice can you give me?
I come from modest roots. My father went from job to job, and my mother worked full time for a moderate salary. I grew up in a working class neighborhood, and although I went to private school, I always felt like I had less than the rest of my peers there. I always related more to the kids who came from small houses, and middle-lower middle class backgrounds like I did.
Now I am in college at a prestigious school in the midwest, where the majority of people are upper-middle or upper class. I really have a hard time relating to them. To me it seems like they don't work as hard, and are more superficial than the working class people that my family is composed of. I really value my background and identify strongly with it, so it's not something that I want to give up, but I wish I could feel like I fit in more. I feel like beneath the barrier of social class, people are basically the same, but it can be difficult to crack that barrier. Does anybody else have experiences like this? What advice can you give me?
I sort of feel that way too among friends I've had that had more opportunities than me/an easier road to get where they want to go. And of course at my service-oriented job I get the hint all day that I'm "below" the customers which makes it difficult to be happy and do my job. I guess I just have to remind myself that not everybody is like that and that I'm there to help those people. And of course considering everything I am lucky in a lot of ways and am thankful for that as well.
I also come from a lower income background parents ran a struggling mom & pop business in a rural, agricultural-industrial area where conspicuous wealth was not the norm...not abject poverty, but certainly well below the middle-class threshold. I had enough food to eat, and a house that kept us sheltered, but not so much on the end of extras. I, too, went to a prestigious private college where most of my peers were from considerably wealthier backgrounds. What I learned over time was that one's socioeconomic background isn't the only avenue for relating to others. I made friends with all kinds of backgrounds, based on their personalities and common interests, not how much their parents may or may not have had in the bank. I often related very easily to other kids who were in my boat (there were a handful, as my school gave very generous scholarships to rural kids whose academic achievement warranted it, a provision set up by one of the school founders who'd donated farmland for the campus...he wanted to ensure that it was available to farm kids).
One thing you can't do is go around with a chip on your shoulder, or worry that others' perception of you is that you are less (even when you know you aren't). Just be who you are and don't worry about it.
My SO of the past four years and I come from very, very different socioeconomic backgrounds...he grew up very privileged, and our experiences in that regard from childhood are very, very different. But we have so much else in common that that one major difference isn't really pervasive.
I grew up in inner-city Jacksonville, the Notorious Northside (you can guess why it's called that). Interestingly enough, my parents were one of the only people that lived in the hood that had college degrees. They could've moved out the hood but chose not to for some reason. I guess they didn't want to deal with the racist jackasses and they knew everyone from my old neighborhood, so you do the math. I had the necessities but extras were few and far between. I used to look at other kids that had more than me coming up and was a bit jealous but over time, I was thankful. At least I wasn't ripping and running the streets like most inner-city youth Was an honor student since I started and school came relatively easy to me. Moved out the hood and when I go back to my old neighborhood, I see the same dudes posted on the block, not doing nothing with their lives. The hood has a way of making you see things from a different perspective. All my friends grew up in different ghettos around North Jacksonville so they can identify.
I grew up in inner-city Jacksonville, the Notorious Northside (you can guess why it's called that). Interestingly enough, my parents were one of the only people that lived in the hood that had college degrees. They could've moved out the hood but chose not to for some reason. I guess they didn't want to deal with the racist jackasses and they knew everyone from my old neighborhood, so you do the math. I had the necessities but extras were few and far between. I used to look at other kids that had more than me coming up and was a bit jealous but over time, I was thankful. At least I wasn't ripping and running the streets like most inner-city youth Was an honor student since I started and school came relatively easy to me. Moved out the hood and when I go back to my old neighborhood, I see the same dudes posted on the block, not doing nothing with their lives. The hood has a way of making you see things from a different perspective. All my friends grew up in different ghettos around North Jacksonville so they can identify.
So you don't know how to relate to people of different social classes?
I feel like beneath the barrier of social class, people are basically the same, but it can be difficult to crack that barrier. Does anybody else have experiences like this? What advice can you give me?
yes, i have very similar experiences.
i never had problems with extremely rich people, per se .. i found it was the spoiled kids from middle or upper class backgrounds, to be a real serious pain in the ass.
looking at the big picture my advice is to forget about people like that. however if you want short term fix, the solution is status. I always felt that people like that are obsessed with what it is you bring to the table for them. They look at you and think: "does having this guy around make me look better, or worse?"
I grew up with parents who were missionaries/clergy, so we were always poor, lived in a really rough town, never had new clothes, blah blah blah. However, my mother was from an upper middle class background and her mother (my grandmother) taught us to always use manners as though we were having tea with the Queen. My dad's family was pretty solidly working class and we were expected to treat them with the same politeness and respect that was pounded into us with mom's family. The area we lived in had a TON of poverty (we were on free lunches ourselves) and yes, we were supposed to be as kind and courteous to everyone we came across there as well.
As a result, I learned something. If you are kind, friendly and courteous, you'll be able to socialize in any class. This doesn't mean you'll be able to be friends with everyone, but you'd be surprised how easy it is to float through social circles if you are a pleasant person. I went to a small liberal arts school as well, where half the kids came from families who could afford $50K a year for their children's schooling, while many others were kids like me who needed the grants the college generously offered us. I had friends who were the children of honest-to-god billionaires, and other friends that I could joke with about hiding in classrooms during a shoot-out at school.
Even now, I go back and forth between my fiance's upper-middle class family (which he swears is middle class, but it's not) and my working class roots and while there's a moment of having to readjust my brain, I can still move in both worlds pretty easily. I just focus on the people and not the material possessions, and then it's really easy to socialize with everyone. A genuine smile goes a long way in any social class.
I grew up dirt poor with both parents who did the best that they could. We had food and substandard shelter.
My mom could sew, so our clothes were made from cheap fabric. We had so much love in our house that I didn't realize how poor I was until I went to a private college on a full scholarship.
Wow! Different world. LOL
My parents believed in education and taught us that that was the only way to have a better life. Above all of the education talk, they taught us to have good self esteem.
My mom's exact words were "you are no better or no worse than anybody else". Because of their teachings, I am comfortable with all kinds of people. I never felt less than my college peers. We were the same, most of them just had more. Every person puts on his/her pants or panties, one leg at a time, just like I do.
Last edited by blondiel; 07-29-2011 at 08:35 AM..
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