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Old 09-16-2011, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Land of Free Johnson-Weld-2016
6,474 posts, read 13,410,318 times
Reputation: 6404

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
So, your initial impressions of people are usually wrong, but in both directions? Sometimes you give 'em too much, and about an equal amount of times too little? I'd like to hear an example or two; this must be tiring if at least entertaining.

I have to admit I've often been
Yep. Examples:
1. Work Pal - she's gorgeous and a ditz, so I was prepared to hate the girl. Turns out to be an awesome and sweet person.
2. Husband - seemed sweet, innocent and quiet. Quiet was true...LOL
3. Idiot Coworker - Tall, white male. So I drank the kool-aid and thought he knew his stuff. Turned out to be a complete idiot w/ brain the size of a mouse dropping.
4. NYC girlfriend - Skinny and gorgeous. She's still extremely materialistic and shallow LOL but a complete innocent ditz, sweet and caring.
5. My neighbors - Two of them look like old racist rednecks. But whoa, they're helpful and go out of their way to be nice to me.
6. African Consultant - I made the mistake of being extra friendly since we were the few blacks...Then he hit on me...and he's married!
7. Friend's Sister - I really wanted to be best buds with my friend's sister. She's really short and quiet so I thought she was really smart. But she's a college dropout w/ no ambition and we have nothing in common who never returned my friendly overtures. Shame...I was ready to LURVE.
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Old 09-16-2011, 10:55 AM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,941 posts, read 18,852,980 times
Reputation: 8655
Good topic, Mr. H.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
more or less credit than they deserve?
Credit for what? Intelligence? Empathy? Kindness? It depends upon my initial "read" of them.

Quote:
Do you find yourself more often disappointed or pleasantly surprised?
Disappointed, on the whole, but the occasional pleasant surprise keeps me going.

Quote:
Do you adjust well?
Again it depends upon how emotionally invested I am. Sometimes it's like water off a duck's back; sometimes I pick up the straight razor and contemplate my neck.

Quote:
Have you always been this way?
I think I started off trusting and expecting a lot; as I've aged I've trusted less and expected next to nothing.


I don't "give credit" as a rule now; I look at myself as a bank - I want references, experience and collateral before I give you my trust.
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Old 09-16-2011, 11:14 AM
 
2,179 posts, read 2,812,842 times
Reputation: 2570
Quote:
Originally Posted by kinkytoes View Post
Yep. Examples:
1. Work Pal - she's gorgeous and a ditz, so I was prepared to hate the girl. Turns out to be an awesome and sweet person.
2. Husband - seemed sweet, innocent and quiet. Quiet was true...LOL
3. Idiot Coworker - Tall, white male. So I drank the kool-aid and thought he knew his stuff. Turned out to be a complete idiot w/ brain the size of a mouse dropping.
4. NYC girlfriend - Skinny and gorgeous. She's still extremely materialistic and shallow LOL but a complete innocent ditz, sweet and caring.
5. My neighbors - Two of them look like old racist rednecks. But whoa, they're helpful and go out of their way to be nice to me.
6. African Consultant - I made the mistake of being extra friendly since we were the few blacks...Then he hit on me...and he's married!
7. Friend's Sister - I really wanted to be best buds with my friend's sister. She's really short and quiet so I thought she was really smart. But she's a college dropout w/ no ambition and we have nothing in common who never returned my friendly overtures. Shame...I was ready to LURVE.
I think we all have a tendency to label or even categorize people; could it be as a time saver, as well as a defense mechanism. Sometimes I think I will never grow up.
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Old 09-16-2011, 11:22 AM
 
2,179 posts, read 2,812,842 times
Reputation: 2570
Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil View Post
Good topic, Mr. H.


Credit for what? Intelligence? Empathy? Kindness? It depends upon my initial "read" of them.


Disappointed, on the whole, but the occasional pleasant surprise keeps me going.


Again it depends upon how emotionally invested I am. Sometimes it's like water off a duck's back; sometimes I pick up the straight razor and contemplate my neck.


I think I started off trusting and expecting a lot; as I've aged I've trusted less and expected next to nothing.


I don't "give credit" as a rule now; I look at myself as a bank - I want references, experience and collateral before I give you my trust.
Credit, just as far as a chance. I think some people go through life behind a shield, and while I can see how it's safer I've always seen it as a shame, because of the lost opportunities for human connection.

It's amazing how it never gets easy. I'd say disappointment has gotten "easier", or has meant less to me over the years, but easy? Not yet.

I don't know, man. I know it's just a forum, a one-dimensional impression is what we get. But you come off as very accessible guy, even still. If I'm wrong correct me, but you seem hearty enough to take disappointment without letting it jade you.
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Old 09-16-2011, 11:25 AM
 
Location: Heart of Dixie
1,298 posts, read 1,850,231 times
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more or less credit than they deserve? Yes

Do you find yourself more often disappointed or pleasantly surprised?Pleasantly Surprised

Do you adjust well? Yes

Have you always been this way? No
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Old 09-16-2011, 11:31 AM
 
2,179 posts, read 2,812,842 times
Reputation: 2570
Quote:
Originally Posted by round4 View Post
more or less credit than they deserve? Yes

Do you find yourself more often disappointed or pleasantly surprised?Pleasantly Surprised

Do you adjust well? Yes

Have you always been this way? No
Feel free to elaborate.
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Old 09-16-2011, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,941 posts, read 18,852,980 times
Reputation: 8655
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
Credit, just as far as a chance. I think some people go through life behind a shield, and while I can see how it's safer I've always seen it as a shame, because of the lost opportunities for human connection.
Ah, OK. If it's social then yes, I give everyone a chance. The thing is, my martial arts training goes counter to that so I always have to try to achieve a balance between my innate personality and my training.

Quote:
It's amazing how it never gets easy. I'd say disappointment has gotten "easier", or has meant less to me over the years, but easy? Not yet.
That's why I strive to be in "protective mode" when it comes to major issues. The little stuff I don't sweat.

The wisdom of age.

Quote:
I don't know, man. I know it's just a forum, a one-dimensional impression is what we get. But you come off as very accessible guy, even still. If I'm wrong correct me, but you seem hearty enough to take disappointment without letting it jade you.
Again it depends. I had someone who was very close to me for several years disappoint and mentally hurt me recently. I went into my obligatory defensive-and-wound-licking mode for a few weeks, cutting off all communications. Now I'm back to communicating, albeit through IMs, but I'll never forget what I saw as a betrayal of my trust. The conversations now are brief, to the point and flat - not rich and prolonged as they used to be.

Am I jaded now about this? A bit, I suppose ... but in cases like this I try to step back and look at myself first, the other person second, and finally the "big picture". I see it as the life-long learning and re-learning of lessons; I doubt I'll ever stop doing that. Besides, there are millions of other people in the world I have to get to, and for them I'll revert back to my usual foolish trusting self.
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Old 09-16-2011, 03:54 PM
 
5,500 posts, read 4,415,028 times
Reputation: 5146
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
Now, that's giving people the benefit of the doubt; like issuing Monopoly money at the beginning of the game. You must be the hearty type. I wonder how much of this has to do with emotional fortitude.
Disappoinment? Too numerous to count. Betrayal? Had one or two that could have destroyed me. But I give what I expect to get from others. And yes, I find the joyful/hopeful attitude more beneficial to "my" person than If I were to allow the negative to eat at me. Uh uh...not healthy, I dare say.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil View Post
Ah, OK. If it's social then yes, I give everyone a chance. The thing is, my martial arts training goes counter to that so I always have to try to achieve a balance between my innate personality and my training.
Ha! I thought so!

Quote:
That's why I strive to be in "protective mode" when it comes to major issues. The little stuff I don't sweat.

The wisdom of age.
This is what I call knowing when to close and open the door to your emotions.

Quote:
Again it depends. I had someone who was very close to me for several years disappoint and mentally hurt me recently. I went into my obligatory defensive-and-wound-licking mode for a few weeks, cutting off all communications. Now I'm back to communicating, albeit through IMs, but I'll never forget what I saw as a betrayal of my trust. The conversations now are brief, to the point and flat - not rich and prolonged as they used to be.
Treating that experience as a ladder to spiritual growth seems to have already benefited your personality. Being wise and civil are admirable traits to possess...hard at times but, keep the instinctive reaction at bay.

Quote:
Am I jaded now about this? A bit, I suppose ... but in cases like this I try to step back and look at myself first, the other person second, and finally the "big picture". I see it as the life-long learning and re-learning of lessons; I doubt I'll ever stop doing that. Besides, there are millions of other people in the world I have to get to, and for them I'll revert back to my usual foolish trusting self.
Couldn't go wrong with that resolve...keep it up for it will attract the right ones.

Best wishes....
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Old 09-16-2011, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,941 posts, read 18,852,980 times
Reputation: 8655
Quote:
Originally Posted by ans57 View Post
Disappoinment? Too numerous to count. Betrayal? Had one or two that could have destroyed me. But I give what I expect to get from others. And yes, I find the joyful/hopeful attitude more beneficial to "my" person than If I were to allow the negative to eat at me. Uh uh...not healthy, I dare say.
You ... you ... you optimist, you!

Quote:
Ha! I thought so!


Quote:
This is what I call knowing when to close and open the door to your emotions.
Nice, but I don't think I'll remove the 5 deadlocks from my steel door yet ...

Quote:
Treating that experience as a ladder to spiritual growth seems to have already benefited your personality. Being wise and civil are admirable traits to possess...hard at times but, keep the instinctive reaction at bay.
NOOOOOOooooo! It's that very instinct I've spent a lifetime uncovering and nurturing. It's saved me on many an occasion, and helped me save others to boot. Teaching it has been a 35+ year career. It's a part of me now - better you should ask that I remove my lungs!

Quote:
Couldn't go wrong with that resolve...keep it up for it will attract the right ones.

Best wishes....
I appreciate the good wishes, I truly do ... but at this stage of the game I'm just idling in neutral - que sera, sera.
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Old 09-16-2011, 06:17 PM
 
5,500 posts, read 4,415,028 times
Reputation: 5146
Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil View Post
You ... you ... you optimist, you!


I don't know about you...but it works better for me.



Nice, but I don't think I'll remove the 5 deadlocks from my steel door yet ...

Just make sure you've finished unlocking before the opportunity gets tired of waiting...and say adios amigo, better be quick next time.

NOOOOOOooooo! It's that very instinct I've spent a lifetime uncovering and nurturing. It's saved me on many an occasion, and helped me save others to boot. Teaching it has been a 35+ year career. It's a part of me now - better you should ask that I remove my lungs!

Haven't you heard of reaction without thought???
to me that's instinctive...processing it first will save you a lot of grief...or, so I think. *sigh*
Better stop before I get caught on too much tangential trill, rambling about...what again...?


I appreciate the good wishes, I truly do ... but at this stage of the game I'm just idling in neutral - que sera, sera.
As I always say, to each his own.
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