U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-18-2011, 11:29 AM
 
15,732 posts, read 17,302,237 times
Reputation: 12729

Advertisements

I don't think it has so much to do with being "nice" or an ass, but rather whether you are assertive or not.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-18-2011, 11:34 AM
 
Location: The Big Orange (CA)
1,809 posts, read 3,021,377 times
Reputation: 1974
genuinely nice people do get attention. People who think they're genuinely nice, but are not so much, sometimes don't get all the attention they would like.

But I agree with the previous poster. It's all about being assertive.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-18-2011, 11:35 AM
 
8,021 posts, read 6,230,331 times
Reputation: 12004
Quote:
Originally Posted by HurricaneDC View Post
i swear, it seems every person who's got an abrasive personality has more success with people than folks like me. not just success with women but people in general. for instance one of my housemates is a bit of a total prick to everybody (though I'd say we're friends with each other), yet girls are all over him and people confide in him when they want to talk about personal problems. what the ****?!?!?!? why the hell is it that it's always people like that who seem to attract folks?

i should just start being a douche to every single person I meet. maybe that'll work. god damn it.

yes this is a somewhat alcohol-fueled post.
You know what dude? Screw what the other people say on this thread. It seems that dumping on shy and nice people is a very popular past time. The thing is about douchebags is that yes they may seem to have a lot of friends and a lot of girls hanging off of them but their behavior and callous regard for other people tends to bring drama with it. Do you really want that?

Respectful and even quiet guys may not be the life of the party but the friends that they do make is meaningful. And here's something that a lot of people may not know but yes, shy guys are sometimes able to snag girlfriends. Here's the thing, you have to know who you are as a person. Know what you're into. Know what interest you and then you can find people who get you. Contrary to what a lot of others on this board think, not everyone is worth opening up to.

EDIT: I noticed that you called your friend a prick which means he's not really that much of a prick if your friends with him. He might be one of those nice extroverted people who do deserve the good will they get. What i'm saying is if your trying to change yourself to please other people then it will make you more miserable.

Last edited by Ro2113; 09-18-2011 at 12:26 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-18-2011, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Middle America
35,821 posts, read 39,399,524 times
Reputation: 48621
Here's the deal:

#1 - It's more likely that you're just tuned into the dicks getting attention, and aren't noticing the awesome people getting attention, because you're so focused on the creeps who you don't think deserve it. I know tons of people who have loads of friends and are nice people.

#2 - Being boring exists completely independently of being nice. One may be nice and boring or nice and hilarious, cool, personable, popular, and magnetic. You don't have to be a douchebag to be interesting. Most douchebags are dull, because they are focused mainly on themselves and their own douchiness. Not everyone who is nice is shy. Not everyone who is nice is bland.

#3 - This is the sort of thing that gets better as you grow up. If you are grown and don't find that it's gotten better, it's probably because you surround yourself with people who aren't particularly grown up. In the grown-up world, awesome people do get attention.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-18-2011, 11:53 AM
 
4,837 posts, read 7,601,436 times
Reputation: 2986
Quote:
Originally Posted by HurricaneDC View Post
why do genuinely nice people not get any attention?
Nobody has to be nice if they are good looking or have family money backing them, so few of such people are. Since these two attributes are the most important for women, being a nice person gets one little consideration.

Besides, while it is obvious that a guy is not good looking from across the room, being nice is almost a sure sign for women that a guy is poor. In the rare times I've encountered decent men who had wealth in their families (and of course lacked the good looks that nearly all wealthy men have) what I've found is that women didn't like or respect their "niceness" either.

Women only want "nice" after they've married a guy who attracts them. They are delusional to think that a marriage contract will ensure this attribute in their husband but most never really consider that this is unlikely to happen.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-18-2011, 11:57 AM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,367,295 times
Reputation: 1944
To answer your thread question: People who don't get any attention don't ask for it.

Think about it. Who receives lots of attention on C-D? IMO, their are two types - just plain rude posters or posters who have a sense of humor.

Either way, I have to deal with all kinds of personalities especially rude people who are seeking attention. I give them what they want as long as I get what I want in return.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-18-2011, 12:09 PM
 
Location: WI
436 posts, read 1,562,141 times
Reputation: 482
Quote:
Originally Posted by HurricaneDC View Post
for instance one of my housemates is a bit of a total prick to everybody (though I'd say we're friends with each other), yet girls are all over him and people confide in him when they want to talk about personal problems.
Something tells me the housemate isn't a total prick. People don't confide in pricks when they want to talk about personal problems. Could it be you're just a little jealous of your housemate??? I confide in people I trust. People who will tell me their honest opinion, hold my confidences and won't sell me out.

Some of my closest friends could probably be seen as pricks if people didn't get to know them. They're outgoing, aggressive, live life to the fullest, funny as heck, tend to attract attention easily. I'm more uncomfortable in large groups, more shy around strangers, more likely to end up in a corner people-watching. We're all nice people but we have vastly different personalities.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-18-2011, 12:18 PM
 
10,996 posts, read 11,142,735 times
Reputation: 8355
It's not about you being nice, OP. It's about men having nerve. If you were nice AND had nerve, you wouldn't have many problems with getting a woman to notice you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-18-2011, 01:21 PM
 
6,956 posts, read 10,843,625 times
Reputation: 7444
Quote:
Originally Posted by HurricaneDC View Post
i swear, it seems every person who's got an abrasive personality has more success with people than folks like me. not just success with women but people in general. for instance one of my housemates is a bit of a total prick to everybody (though I'd say we're friends with each other), yet girls are all over him and people confide in him when they want to talk about personal problems. what the ****?!?!?!? why the hell is it that it's always people like that who seem to attract folks?

i should just start being a douche to every single person I meet. maybe that'll work. god damn it.

yes this is a somewhat alcohol-fueled post.
Every guy who isn't getting action thinks he's a 'nice guy'.

Some guys I know who complain they aren't getting action because they are 'nice guys' are some of the biggest douchebags I know. I kid you not.

On the other hand, I know some GENUINE nice guys who are very successful with women. They just happen to be real good looking guys.

Life is simple, my friend.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-18-2011, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,821 posts, read 39,399,524 times
Reputation: 48621
It's flawed thinking when people who aren't getting what they want in terms of friendship, popularity, attention from the opposite sex, their props at work, etc. try to pin it on "being nice."

You don't get shut out of things FOR being nice. You may well be nice, but that's not what's causing you problems. It's something else. The cause of your problems is NOT your niceness. It's something else that's either missing, or something that you're doing/not doing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top