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Old 11-15-2011, 11:26 PM
 
Location: SWUS
5,414 posts, read 7,626,771 times
Reputation: 5781

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OP: I can sort of relate, but I suppose that will involve some background...

When I went to middle school, I didn't know anyone. I had basically just moved to town the year before and didn't go to the school in the neighborhood, so I didn't know anybody. After being ridiculed quite a bit the entire year by quite a few people, it was finally time for school to get out. Everyone signed my yearbook but then when I opened it there were things like "you're a huge *****" (I had always held back on that guy, because I didn't wanna get jumped by his friend- but I did want to smash his face on the lockers in gym class) and other things like "you were kind of a loser, but to be honest you brought it on yourself" and things like that. Didn't go to school for the last few days because my dad was pissed and the school gave me a new yearbook (which I haven't looked at since then, idk if I even have it anymore) and I was put in a private school.


At the private school, things were not any better because instead of different people in different classes, it was now all the same people I hated in every one of my classes- 7th grade class was only 30 people. Man, that was a **** year... and even the girls joined in sometimes. Due to not being treated well at the other school, I was by that time fairly antisocial and even though I didn't go out of my way to be friendly to anyone, I was still plenty nice to people, and found ways to deal- by going outside every day after school, eating my lunch under the trees at school, going into the library and reading and stuff.

Anyways, even though I hated all those people for what they did, I didn't dwell on it and by the time I was a freshman in high school a few states over, I didn't even think about it anymore. I only have one friend from that period in time and she and I still talk pretty much every day (though we met at the end of the year in 7th grade, and we both kinda got treated the same way by the same people).


Point is, it's fine if it really bothers you while it's happening, or if you're still in school with them, but if they're already all gone, don't bother. Move on with your life and become successful.

Interesting note, a few years later the people who were jerks to me in middle school found me on Myspace and apologized, and it was all good. And they're all somehow still friends, but guess who turned out the most normal of that 7th grade class? I did... but only because I didn't let that **** eat at me.
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Old 11-15-2011, 11:30 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,366,635 times
Reputation: 8956
Feelings come and go. Tire damage and prison sentences are more enduring.
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Old 11-15-2011, 11:42 PM
 
Location: SWUS
5,414 posts, read 7,626,771 times
Reputation: 5781
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
Feelings come and go. Tire damage and prison sentences are more enduring.
You only get prison sentences if you aren't sneaky enough about damaging tires, but I don't wanna encourage the OP to be violent. Should just let it go.
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Old 11-16-2011, 02:07 AM
 
7,497 posts, read 9,274,846 times
Reputation: 7394
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rlarson21 View Post
this went on for me at home and every where i went for years. i now have complex PTSD because of it.

I'm at the point in my therapy where i'm starting to feel again after being emotionally numb and what i want is revenge.

I've worked out and gotten strong. I have been looking up these people on facebook and i have this urge to go and do something to them, like slash tires or challenge to a fight.

I know this is WRONG but i just have this strong URGE. i feel very angry
If you've been through bullying your whole life, then there are probably too many culprits to even focus on getting revenge on, so you should first try to direct your thoughts elsewhere and if you can't do that, redirect the energy you get from your anger toward a different cause.

I also think you should get a second opinion about your treatment options as therapy doesn't seem to be working (I don't kow how long you've been in therapy though). Facing situations that were traumatic actually has some merit, but there's a difference between revisiting things, putting them to rest and actually dwelling on them and the emotions they provoke. I'm just saying your therapist may not be on your side, these people get paid to make people think you're worse-off than you are to keep getting your money, so that's why I would consider getting a second opinion at most and taking action to make the angry thoughts dissipate at least. Are you on any kind of medication?

Also, get out of your hometown if you can; being there where nothing really changes isn't helping you any, is it? Think about somewhere else you'd like to go and make preparations to go!

I'm in my hometown too, though I live in a different suburb and I've lived other places over the years. I got bullied off and on in school, mostly elementary and middle school, though for the most part most of these people have grown up. The sad part is realizing that some never will, but they're not worth your time.

Last summer at my job in my hometown a lady came in and needed help in a department I was stocking and I helped her. As she was leaving she asked me "didn't you go to school with my girls?" and she told me who they were. When I realized who they were and who she was, I remember I was shocked silent. See, her younger daughter and I were the same age and at one point were good friends, until a new girl in our "group" decided she didn't like me and managed to turn all of my best friends against me and they all started picking on me and therefore became a big chunk of misery during my mid-elementary school years. It bothered me for years and I didn't finally make new friends until the middle school years and though I was a lot more guarded about who my friends were, eventually I forgot about most of it except as a very distant memory.

I was so surprised to see this lady and I didn't even recognize her so therefore I wasn't prepared for any of that and it sort of threw me for a loop. She asked me if I remembered "coming over to play Polly Pockets," and I just nodded and smiled and didn't say anything else. It was so weird, I couldn't bring myself to say anything to this lady but I was polite. I didn't feel like reminiscing with her about it but at the same time I couldn't bring myself to say anything else.

She finally walked away. I was angry at first, wondering why in the world this woman bothered to approach me with that, knowing somewhat that me and her daughter had not remained friends, and I didn't know how much she knew that I still don't know about the situation. I finally realized later on that maybe she didn't know about anything that happened or any reasons or anything at all. One of these days I'll get out of here.
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Old 11-16-2011, 06:04 AM
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
2,705 posts, read 2,505,010 times
Reputation: 833
Quote:
Originally Posted by 90sman View Post
Well, do unto others as others undo to you.
Combined with the lax gun laws in the US, your advice is catastrophically bad.
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Old 11-16-2011, 06:21 AM
 
19,081 posts, read 21,194,953 times
Reputation: 13392
Quote:
Originally Posted by JordanJP View Post
OP: I can sort of relate, but I suppose that will involve some background...
My brother got picked on like you in middle school, tho, it was mostly from kids one grade up. He ended up going to the same HS with all those kids. He was small in middle school, but sprouted up by HS. Our dad used to be a body builder and my brother took up that hobby with him. He ended up kicking so many asses lol. He even did the cliche move of taking one guy and dumping him head first into a garbage can. He became one of the most popular kids in HS and protected anyone who got picked on. Not that I would recommend kids fighting like that. Eh, we grew up in New Jersey, so...
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Old 11-16-2011, 06:28 AM
 
525 posts, read 742,906 times
Reputation: 415
put them on bully beat down
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Old 11-16-2011, 10:31 AM
 
1,615 posts, read 2,122,661 times
Reputation: 799
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
The OP hasn't responded to this thread since page 4. Maybe HE GOT THE MESSAGE ALREADY. That comment we're talking about was cheap and tactless.
Agreed. this is something that went on for a number of years and keep in mind this wasn't just at school, this was at church and throughout town and AT HOME. and it was by the MAJORITY of my class.

and you're right. these events have had the biggest impact on my life. how would it just be easy to 'move on' when only the past year have i started addressing these feelings. that's what i'm in the process of doing now. being told by a whole community that you're so worthless that you can be abused because you're different is NOT that easy on one's mind to simply 'get over'.
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Old 11-16-2011, 10:33 AM
 
1,615 posts, read 2,122,661 times
Reputation: 799
Quote:
Originally Posted by JordanJP View Post
OP: I can sort of relate, but I suppose that will involve some background...

When I went to middle school, I didn't know anyone. I had basically just moved to town the year before and didn't go to the school in the neighborhood, so I didn't know anybody. After being ridiculed quite a bit the entire year by quite a few people, it was finally time for school to get out. Everyone signed my yearbook but then when I opened it there were things like "you're a huge *****" (I had always held back on that guy, because I didn't wanna get jumped by his friend- but I did want to smash his face on the lockers in gym class) and other things like "you were kind of a loser, but to be honest you brought it on yourself" and things like that. Didn't go to school for the last few days because my dad was pissed and the school gave me a new yearbook (which I haven't looked at since then, idk if I even have it anymore) and I was put in a private school.


At the private school, things were not any better because instead of different people in different classes, it was now all the same people I hated in every one of my classes- 7th grade class was only 30 people. Man, that was a **** year... and even the girls joined in sometimes. Due to not being treated well at the other school, I was by that time fairly antisocial and even though I didn't go out of my way to be friendly to anyone, I was still plenty nice to people, and found ways to deal- by going outside every day after school, eating my lunch under the trees at school, going into the library and reading and stuff.

Anyways, even though I hated all those people for what they did, I didn't dwell on it and by the time I was a freshman in high school a few states over, I didn't even think about it anymore. I only have one friend from that period in time and she and I still talk pretty much every day (though we met at the end of the year in 7th grade, and we both kinda got treated the same way by the same people).


Point is, it's fine if it really bothers you while it's happening, or if you're still in school with them, but if they're already all gone, don't bother. Move on with your life and become successful.

Interesting note, a few years later the people who were jerks to me in middle school found me on Myspace and apologized, and it was all good. And they're all somehow still friends, but guess who turned out the most normal of that 7th grade class? I did... but only because I didn't let that **** eat at me.

WOW, it sounds pretty similar to what i went through? why does this happen to some people? who decides this?

you're right. it's just that for me, i didn't have support at home either. If i would have had one parent that i loved or could connect with i think i would have simply moved on afterwards myself.

I'm in the process of doing this now.
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Old 11-16-2011, 12:07 PM
 
Location: SWUS
5,414 posts, read 7,626,771 times
Reputation: 5781
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rlarson21 View Post
WOW, it sounds pretty similar to what i went through? why does this happen to some people? who decides this?

you're right. it's just that for me, i didn't have support at home either. If i would have had one parent that i loved or could connect with i think i would have simply moved on afterwards myself.

I'm in the process of doing this now.
I suppose that could make a pretty big difference. My dad became aware of it at the end of 6th grade, and that was the impetus for changing over to private school. After that, he was aware that it could at least be a problem.

I'd also had permission from my grandpa (who used to take me out to dinner every Tuesday or so, taught me how to drive, paid for the private school) to fight back if I was being physically harassed, which didn't really happen. After 7th grade, though, I started taking more of a stand, and usually I'd just laugh it off and it stopped being effective to try to mess with me.

Senior year it was to the point where someone cut in front of me in the lunch line and I said,

"Excuse me, but if you don't get to the back of the ****ing line I will smash your face into that pole."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. ****ing move."


He moved, threatened me, etc. while I was getting my food, and then said,

"Yo punk, let me get your phone number so we can settle this after school."

I replied with "What, you gonna take me out on a date?"

Insulting people back in front of all of their friends works wonders.

Of course, I couldn't actually fight at school because a) I was a senior at the time and b) I had a small pocket knife on me all the time and didn't want to get caught, get accused of having a "weapon" (I have never thought of a pocket knife as a weapon) and get expelled.


That said, I still stand by the position that since you are no longer in school and seeing these people every day, they are not messing with you every day, and it would be best to leave you alone. Your chance to stand up for yourself is unfortunately gone.
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