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I don't think that everyone is emotionally built the same way. All of this advice that the OP should just forget about it, give it to God, suck it up, put the past behind you etc. doesn't work for everyone.
I think that it's fine to forgive, but that doesn't mean that they are not accountable for their actions.
For the OP, don't do anything that will culminate in your being arrested.
They aren't worth it.
Can anyone come up with some *not* illegal things that the OP could do so that he is not consumed with anger?
I don't think that everyone is emotionally built the same way. All of this advice that the OP should just forget about it, give it to God, suck it up, put the past behind you etc. doesn't work for everyone.
I think that it's fine to forgive, but that doesn't mean that they are not accountable for their actions.
For the OP, don't do anything that will culminate in your being arrested.
They aren't worth it.
Can anyone come up with some *not* illegal things that the OP could do so that he is not consumed with anger?
Cognitive theraphy
"Cognitive therapy seeks to help the patient overcome difficulties by identifying and changing dysfunctional thinking, behavior, and emotional responses. This involves helping patients develop skills for modifying beliefs, identifying distorted thinking, relating to others in different ways, and changing behavior"
Seriously, living well really is the best revenge. There is nothing like the smug knowledge that the bullies who tormented you, the high school "omg love of my life" who broke your heart, the people who made your life wretched...wound up losers with lame jobs, bratty kids, cheating spouses, living in trailers, etc.
I had a generous slice of misery during certain periods of my growing up. Now my life is pretty awesome for the most part. I've got a great job, I am friends with people who inspire and amaze me, I have great kids, a faithful marriage of 16 years, and a gorgeous house. I travel and do really cool stuff, all the time. I reject drama as much as possible and keep my social space happy.
The people who treated me badly...from what I've seen having eventually peeked into their lives on social media...generally ended up as described above...lameness of every kind in their adult lives. Turns out that being a bully or a total jerk doesn't translate well into adult success in many cases. And I don't care if it makes me petty, I am smug as heck about it. I don't contact them or anything though. I didn't have to take revenge. Life took revenge.
You never know what you're dealing with. A former bully is likely still a bully.
I agree. People may modify their outward behavior in adulthood to deal with new scenarios, however I believe that people never change their internal stripes. I do remember some of the unsavory people from my past and if I was ever to encounter them again I would be on guard and ready to apply my accumulated wisdom to outwit them.
Seriously, living well really is the best revenge. There is nothing like the smug knowledge that the bullies who tormented you, the high school "omg love of my life" who broke your heart, the people who made your life wretched...wound up losers with lame jobs, bratty kids, cheating spouses, living in trailers, etc.
I had a generous slice of misery during certain periods of my growing up. Now my life is pretty awesome for the most part. I've got a great job, I am friends with people who inspire and amaze me, I have great kids, a faithful marriage of 16 years, and a gorgeous house. I travel and do really cool stuff, all the time. I reject drama as much as possible and keep my social space happy.
The people who treated me badly...from what I've seen having eventually peeked into their lives on social media...generally ended up as described above...lameness of every kind in their adult lives. Turns out that being a bully or a total jerk doesn't translate well into adult success in many cases. And I don't care if it makes me petty, I am smug as heck about it. I don't contact them or anything though. I didn't have to take revenge. Life took revenge.
I had the very satisfying experience years ago of running into a tormentor from junior high. This girl had beaten me up in 8th grade very publicly (as in announcing she was going to beat me up at such and such place and time, so there was a big crowd there). I ran into her at the supermarket in my late 30's, where she rang up my groceries as the checkout girl...she was pretty and thin in school, but now was about 100 pounds overweight. I have long ago let go of hurts from back then, and was nice to her (I actually felt kind of bad for her) but inside it definitely felt like a kind of justice.
Do people even read dates? this thread has been bumped several times with no response from OP. It's from 2011 originally with no OP response since 2012
he's probably moved on, beat somebody up or worse, in jail now...
I think merely thinking about revenge does that not acting on it.
I don't understand this statement. If you are saying that plotting revenge but not following through is less healthy for you than actually going ahead with a vengeful act, then i disagree.
Another poster mentioned cognitive therapy. If the thoughts of hatred and desire for revenge occupy far too much of someone's emotional life, as with the OP, then cognitive therapy should help. The idea is not to exact revenge, but to help the patient/client/victim find peace.
Let me mention one thing. I've read that as much as family members of a murdered loved one desire to see the murderer executed, they don't find closure afterwards, even though they expected to. IMO the closure or peace has to come from within. I am amazed at the capacity of some to forgive. But ultimately they have the most peace, I think.
I do not pass judgement on anyone who seeks to find justice for their loved ones, in what ever way they feel they should.
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