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Unread 01-16-2012, 10:06 AM
 
2,728 posts, read 2,283,640 times
Reputation: 1886
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
No, but it IS a pattern of behavior with him! Do you really think that he didn't employ those tactics on those "baby mamas" as well? It's HIS pattern of behavior. Behave badly and then blame everyone and everything else for that behavior. Sorry, but with all of the people out there to be friends with, why would you continue to saddle yourself with friends like that? People like him don't even THINK about how their behavior affects others....why?...because other people's feelings do not matter!
Exactly, Beachmel. Another pattern of behavior is allowing these kinds of people to blame others and then wonder why they do it.

 
Unread 01-16-2012, 10:09 AM
 
266 posts, read 163,406 times
Reputation: 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Do you really think he didn't treat those women the same way!? Do you really think he wouldn't STILL be with them, if he didn't? Yeah, fine, he's jumping when they call or when they want him to pick up his kids. Jazzy!!! He SHOULD! Good grief, wouldn't you expect that of him if YOU'D had his kid? You are simply a distraction to him. Those kids ARE his priority and they should be! He got himself in this mess because he couldn't be bothered to use protection....I don't give a sh*t who he blames for it. It takes two to tango. You really expect him to put YOU before his babies and their mamas? Wow....

No No No. I apologize if it came out that way ..that's not what i meant at all. I am a mother myself and of course as a father that is his job and it was one of the first things that I actually did admire about him. There are alot of men that do Not take care of their children at all. you are correct and I'm not disagreeing with you at all. I actually never thought of it in terms of him treating them the same way.. I honestly didn't..but thinking back on some of the situations he described with them yes ..i can see your point. And you hit it right on the head about the protection factor ..he did say to me "I should have worn a rubber because I have too many children and I'm being spread to thin..there's only one of me". I would NEver Ever ask to be put in front of anyone's children.
 
Unread 01-16-2012, 10:21 AM
 
266 posts, read 163,406 times
Reputation: 88
I agree with the posts regarding people like him not caring. Everything just seems so disposable to him. I just wonder How this person changed from the warm caring individual that I initially met to the man that he turned into. It's such a drastic change.

Last edited by jazzyj19; 01-16-2012 at 10:31 AM..
 
Unread 01-16-2012, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,641 posts, read 4,315,807 times
Reputation: 18507
Quote:
Originally Posted by jazzyj19 View Post
No No No. I apologize if it came out that way ..that's not what i meant at all. I am a mother myself and of course as a father that is his job and it was one of the first things that I actually did admire about him. There are alot of men that do Not take care of their children at all. you are correct and I'm not disagreeing with you at all. I actually never thought of it in terms of him treating them the same way.. I honestly didn't..but thinking back on some of the situations he described with them yes ..i can see your point. And you hit it right on the head about the protection factor ..he did say to me "I should have worn a rubber because I have too many children and I'm being spread to thin..there's only one of me". I would NEver Ever ask to be put in front of anyone's children.
I'm so glad to hear this! PHEW! See? He sucked you into his drama and started to get you feeling sorry for him. LOL This is a toxic guy...please consider yourself grateful that he distances himself from you. Keep it that way. You and your little one (s) don't need that kind of drama in your lives. Isn't it funny though, that the facts are/were always there, but some people are such good manipulators (and you SO want to see the good in them), that they can hook you and reel you in, then make you feel guilty! Your comment about "people being disposable" to him? Oh so spot on! Yes, that's exactly how people like him view others!
 
Unread 01-16-2012, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Arizona & Wisconsin
4,596 posts, read 5,005,094 times
Reputation: 5678
Some people are just weird. I wouldn't put up with that for too long.
 
Unread 01-16-2012, 10:47 AM
 
266 posts, read 163,406 times
Reputation: 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
I'm so glad to hear this! PHEW! See? He sucked you into his drama and started to get you feeling sorry for him. LOL This is a toxic guy...please consider yourself grateful that he distances himself from you. Keep it that way. You and your little one (s) don't need that kind of drama in your lives. Isn't it funny though, that the facts are/were always there, but some people are such good manipulators (and you SO want to see the good in them), that they can hook you and reel you in, then make you feel guilty! Your comment about "people being disposable" to him? Oh so spot on! Yes, that's exactly how people like him view others!
I tend to be overly suspicious sometimes and have been told this by many friends. There was always a feeling about him but I tried to ignore it because everyone would tell me oh your so paranoid and suspicious. The last time i saw him I actually had a great dinner and he noticed the change in me as I was always very shy and reserved around him. He says "wow someone took a cup of courage tonight" and i felt good because i wasn't coming off as a wallflower. And we laughed and cracked jokes and he just seemed like he was having such an awesome time. Days LAter he would TEXT not CAll to complain about why i wasnt all over him and why was i so timid. JUst such an incredible turn in personality.
 
Unread 01-16-2012, 10:48 AM
 
2,728 posts, read 2,283,640 times
Reputation: 1886
Quote:
Originally Posted by jazzyj19 View Post
I agree with the posts regarding people like him not caring. Everything just seems so disposable to him. I just wonder How this person changed from the warm caring individual that I initially met to the man that he turned into. It's such a drastic change.
Treating people right takes discipline. It shouldn't only occur when you want something and then disappear when you get it or even when you don't get it. Also, realizing that you are getting more out of a relationship than putting in and ending it takes discipline. You have to be able to say "stop, I am taking advantage of you."

It reminds me of when my daughter used to say. "But, mommy, I said "Please."
 
Unread 01-16-2012, 10:55 AM
 
266 posts, read 163,406 times
Reputation: 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by crisan View Post
Treating people right takes discipline. It shouldn't only occur when you want something and then disappear when you get it or even when you don't get it.

It reminds me of when my daughter used to say. "But, mommy, I said "Please."

It's amazing to me. This is an adult male --37 yrsold--and who always says he feels older and always refers to me as someone being younger than him. It never ceases to amaze me why people have someone who cares and wants to include them in a POSITIVE environment and they shun it. My son used to do the same thing but he's bigger now andeven he KNOWS better. I never like to believe the "wolf in sheeps clothing" that people always describe. But even my closest friends who met him are confused by the personality change. The woman who introduced us even so far as to BLAME ME for his change in personality be cause she says "he wasn't like that before". It's all very childish.
 
Unread 01-16-2012, 10:59 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,641 posts, read 4,315,807 times
Reputation: 18507
Quote:
Originally Posted by jazzyj19 View Post
I tend to be overly suspicious sometimes and have been told this by many friends. There was always a feeling about him but I tried to ignore it because everyone would tell me oh your so paranoid and suspicious. The last time i saw him I actually had a great dinner and he noticed the change in me as I was always very shy and reserved around him. He says "wow someone took a cup of courage tonight" and i felt good because i wasn't coming off as a wallflower. And we laughed and cracked jokes and he just seemed like he was having such an awesome time. Days LAter he would TEXT not CAll to complain about why i wasnt all over him and why was i so timid. JUst such an incredible turn in personality.
Tune those people out! Jazzy, rarely....ever, have I had a "feeling" about someone, that wasn't eventually proven to be spot on. Not everyone listens to those feelings and I'm not even convinced that everyone HAS those feelings. When you have a "feeling" about someone and others tell you you're just paranoid, do-not-listen to them! ALWAYS trust those "feelings".

How ironic....he congratulated you on "taking a cup of courage", then whined because you weren't all over him. Yeah...he's such a player! Some people are so ridiculous. They want you to grow a backbone, but when you do, they're furious....because it means that THEY can no longer take advantage of you. What they REALLY meant was, "I want you to stop letting OTHER people take advantage of you, so that you can do more for ME!"
 
Unread 01-16-2012, 11:00 AM
 
2,728 posts, read 2,283,640 times
Reputation: 1886
Quote:
Originally Posted by jazzyj19 View Post
It's amazing to me. This is an adult male --37 yrsold--and who always says he feels older and always refers to me as someone being younger than him. It never ceases to amaze me why people have someone who cares and wants to include them in a POSITIVE environment and they shun it. My son used to do the same thing but he's bigger now andeven he KNOWS better. I never like to believe the "wolf in sheeps clothing" that people always describe. But even my closest friends who met him are confused by the personality change. The woman who introduced us even so far as to BLAME ME for his change in personality be cause she says "he wasn't like that before". It's all very childish.
Now you are getting it. What was so difficult for me to figure out was how to deal with these people in a respectful manner but still keep their drama out of my life.

Seeing the good in people is how you maintain your respect if and when you have to communicate with them. Keep in mind that "good" people make mistakes and cross boundaries. You just make sure they remember in a nice way. Even of that means distancing yourself from them.
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