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Old 01-16-2012, 11:42 AM
 
663 posts, read 907,390 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crisan View Post
That is the point of manipulation, to get you to feel a specific way.

I totally agree with Beachmel and PurePugx3.

Friends who trust their own instincts will respect your need to trust your own or even encourage you to make decisions based on your instincts.


^This .

 
Old 01-16-2012, 12:00 PM
 
270 posts, read 343,227 times
Reputation: 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
This is classic, and I do mean CLASSIC, grooming/manipulating behavior. You see, you have to "groom" some people before you can manipulate them. You tear them down, then create them, from the ground up. He saw some insecurities, he then proceeded to intensify them, so that you'd be GRATEFUL that he would even give you the time of day. He walks away from you, so that you'll think there's something wrong with you....so that you'll be grateful for his attentions when he wants them.

Reading that line, "You don't have anything he hadn't already had"...just BARF! Please repeat this to yourself, "This guy is a sleazebag, con artist. I am so much smarter for having encountered his type. I will NOT disregard my gut feelings the next time, no matter WHAT others say." You do not need others to make you feel good about yourself. Don't allow anyone to have that kind of power over you, ever again.
Thanks BeachMel. I really appreciate the postive feedback because it really has been messing with my head having me think that I'm some kind of socially awkward troll. I never want to feel like that again. Emotional vampires are toxic not only to myself but to everyone.
 
Old 01-16-2012, 12:01 PM
 
270 posts, read 343,227 times
Reputation: 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by PurePugx3 View Post
I say to go with your gut feelings and ignore those who try to tell you otherwise. I've noticed some people love to do that....the whole bit about telling you that you are paranoid and suspicious. Then when the person in question shows their true colors, those same people are, "Oh, I would have never guessed he/she/they was/were that way." Some people just aren't a good judge of character (and some are truly good at fooling people too) but a true friend will be supportive of the way you feel (having a feeling about this guy to begin with) without criticizing you as being paranoid and suspicious, even if your friend doesn't agree with you.

When I started relying less on my friends and other "trusted" people for advice, or whatever you want to call it, and started trusting myself, I started making much better decisions for my life. There's nothing wrong with having truly trustworthy people in your life but you have to trust yourself more.

Also, there's nothing wrong with wanting to change being a wallflower, as you described it, but don't do it for anyone but yourself. Don't do it for your friends, a guy, not anyone but you. Especially not the manipulative jerk in question. I'd drop him like a hot rock and not look back.....this guy is not your friend.
Thanks your feedback has helped me alot.
 
Old 01-16-2012, 12:03 PM
 
270 posts, read 343,227 times
Reputation: 90
I definitely have to be more conscious of these kinds of people because for someone like me it can be emotionally and physically draining. This person knows just how sensitive I am and has taken full advantage of it.
 
Old 01-16-2012, 12:08 PM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,365,836 times
Reputation: 1944
Quote:
Originally Posted by jazzyj19 View Post
I definitely have to be more conscious of these kinds of people because for someone like me it can be emotionally and physically draining. This person knows just how sensitive I am and has taken full advantage of it.
Good for you, Jazzyj19. I have found that people like the ones you describe are precisely why some say "life is not easy." People are not who they should be, they are who they are. You will get better.
 
Old 01-16-2012, 12:33 PM
 
270 posts, read 343,227 times
Reputation: 90
Thanks!I really hope to get better soon.
 
Old 01-16-2012, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,658,725 times
Reputation: 19409
Quote:
Originally Posted by jazzyj19 View Post
Thanks BeachMel. I really appreciate the postive feedback because it really has been messing with my head having me think that I'm some kind of socially awkward troll. I never want to feel like that again. Emotional vampires are toxic not only to myself but to everyone.
You're very welcome Jazzy! You know how he said you don't have anything he hasn't had before? Well now.... YOU can say, "Yeah well...guys like you are a dime a dozen!" They want someone who'll take care of them, all while trying to convince YOU that they're taking care of you. You are way, way too good for him, so don't you ever let someone like him make you feel like they're too good for you, or that there's something wrong with you. That's how they get to you! YOU let them!!
 
Old 01-16-2012, 01:46 PM
 
270 posts, read 343,227 times
Reputation: 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
You're very welcome Jazzy! You know how he said you don't have anything he hasn't had before? Well now.... YOU can say, "Yeah well...guys like you are a dime a dozen!" They want someone who'll take care of them, all while trying to convince YOU that they're taking care of you. You are way, way too good for him, so don't you ever let someone like him make you feel like they're too good for you, or that there's something wrong with you. That's how they get to you! YOU let them!!

Thanks because that's exactly how I have been feeling the last couple of weeks like something was wrong with me or that I was undeserving. A friend of mine suggested that the best "revenge" is a life well lived. To go on with my life in a positive way and hold my head up proudly so that he sees that I can be happy without his negative presence.
 
Old 01-16-2012, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,658,725 times
Reputation: 19409
Quote:
Originally Posted by jazzyj19 View Post
Thanks because that's exactly how I have been feeling the last couple of weeks like something was wrong with me or that I was undeserving. A friend of mine suggested that the best "revenge" is a life well lived. To go on with my life in a positive way and hold my head up proudly so that he sees that I can be happy without his negative presence.
Your friend is so right! Let him see that you're far, far more happy and better off without him than you were with him. That, my friend, is the best revenge! That....is SWEET revenge! Meanwhile, he can wallow through life, relationship after relationship, never having anything to show for it.
 
Old 01-16-2012, 11:42 PM
 
Location: The Present
2,016 posts, read 3,562,579 times
Reputation: 1943
This thread has been dragging on for a few pages now, when in reality it's just a pity fest and that makes me curious about one question. Did you smash this guy? be honest about it, its the net you have anonymity.
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