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Old 02-07-2012, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
9,400 posts, read 7,618,176 times
Reputation: 6063
Default How to help out a friend who seems reluctant to take any advice?

Okay, so one of my roommates has a drinking problem. She's even admitted, on occasion, that she has one. She's gone driving drunk before. She drinks when she's upset. This weekend she went to the bar and got blackout drunk, then left presumably to go home. Well, she didn't make it home, instead she woke up in some random person's apartment. Luckily nothing happened to her (apparently he saw her sitting on the side of the road, talked to her, offered to let her crash at his place instead of leaving her there)... but she could have just as easily run into some scumbag. She's also missed or been late to work because she went too hard the night before. That might be almost OK in college but she's graduated now and still drinks like a student.

So on Sunday she tells me all this and it basically seemed like a cry for help. Hell she even asked me and another roommate to help her. We tried to make a pact to do something more productive (as I often drink with her and I know I need to cut down too), e.g. start running. Then yesterday she comes home from work all depressed because this guy has been ignoring her, bottle of wine in hand. And today I was texting her and she's still upset about it and straight up said she plans on getting drunk tonight. I told her it ain't good to respond to being upset by drinking and I haven't heard back since.

I realize that the desire to change has to come from within. That's why it took me three tries to quit smoking. I always kinda figured it would be something she'd get a grip on, but after what happened Saturday my other roommate and I are really worried about her. What can we do? It seems that every time she asks someone to help her out, she turns around and keeps doing the exact thing she shouldn't be doing. Sometimes I get the feeling she doesn't even want to stop despite the fact that it's probably killing her (she's told us she doesn't eat much).

Sorry for the rant but it's just a bit frustrating trying to help someone who says they wanna be helped but doesn't seem to take anything to heart.
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Old 02-07-2012, 11:42 AM
 
8,388 posts, read 5,627,351 times
Reputation: 17399
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink...no pun intended.
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Old 02-07-2012, 11:50 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,739 posts, read 4,675,508 times
Reputation: 7273
OP, you're a better friend than I because people like that I offer my opinions to and move on if they aren't interested. I agree with Djuna.
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Old 02-07-2012, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Tri-State Area
2,922 posts, read 2,984,942 times
Reputation: 1744
The local school holds a Don't Drink and Drive seminar each year come spring time. They haul in a car that looks like it went through a wrecker, in actuality it was involved in a drink and drive Darwin experiment, the driver didn't survive. Show your roommate a car like that, then haul her down to the local cemetary and show her some stones. That ought to wake her up.
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Old 02-07-2012, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Türkiye
499 posts, read 421,159 times
Reputation: 372
scare her like something very bad had happened to her while she was drunk. and don't tell the truth afterwards.
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Old 02-07-2012, 02:01 PM
 
Location: Infernuan
1,367 posts, read 798,783 times
Reputation: 1424
She needs to get herself to therapy/AA/whatever so she can get her life straightened out before she gets behind the wheel and KILLS someone. Sorry to be blunt but this is out of your hands... she needs professional help.

If you want to be a real friend you will direct her to the proper place for receiving help with her issues - and her 'issues' with some guy ignoring her are small fry compared to the drinking issue.
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Old 02-07-2012, 02:53 PM
 
Location: Washington, DC area
573 posts, read 500,135 times
Reputation: 658
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rabbitluvr View Post
She needs to get herself to therapy/AA/whatever so she can get her life straightened out before she gets behind the wheel and KILLS someone. Sorry to be blunt but this is out of your hands... she needs professional help.

If you want to be a real friend you will direct her to the proper place for receiving help with her issues - and her 'issues' with some guy ignoring her are small fry compared to the drinking issue.

This...and stop drinking with her. Suggest that you do constructive things. That's really all you can do. I hope it works out.
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Old 02-07-2012, 03:17 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
15,942 posts, read 8,260,649 times
Reputation: 15830
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rabbitluvr View Post
She needs to get herself to therapy/AA/whatever so she can get her life straightened out before she gets behind the wheel and KILLS someone. Sorry to be blunt but this is out of your hands... she needs professional help.

If you want to be a real friend you will direct her to the proper place for receiving help with her issues - and her 'issues' with some guy ignoring her are small fry compared to the drinking issue.
I agree. I think most of us know people that have been killed or severely brain damaged due to drunk drivers. She needs to stop drunk driving before she kills herself or someone else.

And yeah - her "issues" with some guy ignoring her are nothing compared to the issues she'll have if she kills someone while driving drunk.
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Old 02-07-2012, 03:45 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
7,062 posts, read 5,018,567 times
Reputation: 9255
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rabbitluvr View Post
She needs to get herself to therapy/AA/whatever so she can get her life straightened out before she gets behind the wheel and KILLS someone. Sorry to be blunt but this is out of your hands... she needs professional help.

[b]If you want to be a real friend you will direct her to the proper place for receiving help with her issues - and her 'issues' with some guy ignoring her are small fry compared to the drinking issue.
She needs real help before something bad happens. Many get help only when they hit their bottom and have an epiphany. But with her getting behind the wheel of a car she may not make it that far. This only increases the urgency. It only takes on accident to end lives, And then it will be too late.
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Old 02-07-2012, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,192 posts, read 1,164,950 times
Reputation: 1475
Unless she is ready to make a change there is nothing you can do but try and get her to go to AA or other therapy.

Don't drink with her anymore. If you are out and she starts to drink tell her you are all leaving. If she drove, take her keys.
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