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Old 03-13-2012, 09:20 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,366,635 times
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There is a certain personality style that is generally kind of spaced out . . .likes to watch old movies, tends to procrastinate, has repressed anger issues that come out sideways . . .can be extremely stubborn.

This personality style is unable to have mutually deep relationships because of the stress factor. Unhealthy people of this personality style prefer very shallow, superficial relationships.

Unfortunately, I have several of this personality style in my family . . . it is sad when you want to connect with someone and they just actually cannot do it because of their extreme aversion to stress or perceived stress.

They would rather hide their heads in the sand as a way of life - and giving up most relationships is just the price that has to be paid. The people they do have relationships with (spouses, significant others) must play by their rules and not try to get too close - they can also not stand to even discuss any subject, what-so-ever, except very superficially.

Is this personality style familiar to anyone?

It is a quasi description of an unhealthy Nine on the Enneagram.
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Old 03-13-2012, 09:33 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,034 posts, read 37,675,762 times
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At first I didn't really understand what "type" you were talking about - the old movies clue was a bit odd - until you mentioned the No. 9 personality.

I DO know a family member who is that personality type.

He is a "middle child," and always acted as as called a peacemaker. As an adult, he seems to be a leader at first and is friendly, but rarely takes the initiative on ANYthing. Never makes plans, you always have to suggest something or call him. Never seems to analyze his life and consider whether things are going the way he would like them.

He has suffered in work situations because, even though he seems capable, he will not stand up for himself and gives you a feeling that he cannot accomplish anything if you press him. Does not seem to want to accept responsibility and will lash out if you imply that something is his fault.

In his "down" time, he stays home a lot and watches sports on TV. Gets headaches a LOT, I think because he holds it all in.

I think he veers toward the unhealthy side because he can't deal with the stress of ultimate responsibility, so he turns inward.
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Old 03-13-2012, 09:42 PM
 
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I think with these personalities, you have to know when something is your problem and when something is a problem that needs to be addressed.

You also need to know how to deal with their emotions, which doesn't mean put up with it. Just that they have a right to their feelings after you have let the problem be known.
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Old 03-13-2012, 09:57 PM
 
Location: earth?
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When these types are under stress, the behavior gets really difficult and can be unpredictable. You never know when they are going to clam up or cut you off - even in the middle of something important that you are working on together . . .It is very frustrating . . .

The anger is kept under tight wraps until the stress level becomes unbearable and then they lash out and become super hostile and nasty - OR cut you off, completely. I know some nines who have cut their own children out of their lives - and others who have cut friends and family members off - and it's like they never existed - they put a wall up and that's that. Nothing can penetrate the wall.

You are right on never initiating plans . . .they also ignore phone calls and texts - they like to live in a cocoon.

Fear of stress is their worst fear.

They are called The Peacemaker in the Enneagram - but it is "peace at ANY cost."
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Old 03-17-2012, 05:21 AM
 
Location: Kansas
19,189 posts, read 14,062,995 times
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This sounds a lot like Narcissistic Personality Disorder to me or at least to close for comfort. I am not familiar with what the 9 thing is but here is my favorite article on NPD so you can see if maybe this is the problem:Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) : Traits discussed Any personality type will be affected by stress so I did not see that as a major player in this. Stress tends to show people in not their best light.
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Old 03-17-2012, 11:35 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 43,130,167 times
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Freaky, you just described me right now. The frustrating thing is I'm only like that when I'm stressed, which is a lot of the time. Except the part about watching old movies (which I love) but I don't know what that has to do with it. I'm irritable, negative: i.e. always tend to see threats, and am restless and impatient. Also more likely to let my emotions get the better of me rather than thinking the situation through rationally and responding in a calm manner.
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Old 03-17-2012, 11:59 AM
 
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i am very much like this. however, regarding being narcissistic, i took an online test of narcissism and i was totally honest in my responses. the results said that I would do well to actually develop some narcissistic traits. so i don't know now...
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Old 03-17-2012, 12:01 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,506 posts, read 17,310,607 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
There is a certain personality style that is generally kind of spaced out . . .likes to watch old movies, tends to procrastinate, has repressed anger issues that come out sideways . . .can be extremely stubborn.

This personality style is unable to have mutually deep relationships because of the stress factor. Unhealthy people of this personality style prefer very shallow, superficial relationships.

Unfortunately, I have several of this personality style in my family . . . it is sad when you want to connect with someone and they just actually cannot do it because of their extreme aversion to stress or perceived stress.

They would rather hide their heads in the sand as a way of life - and giving up most relationships is just the price that has to be paid. The people they do have relationships with (spouses, significant others) must play by their rules and not try to get too close - they can also not stand to even discuss any subject, what-so-ever, except very superficially.

Is this personality style familiar to anyone?

It is a quasi description of an unhealthy Nine on the Enneagram.
That's a nice, tidy little box. Where did you find it?
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Old 03-17-2012, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,416 posts, read 25,200,334 times
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I'm not sure, it seems like the description of the person is fairly contradictory. You said they lash back at people but at the same time they let people walk over them? I'm not sure I really get it too much.
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Old 03-17-2012, 12:17 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,366,635 times
Reputation: 8956
It's Enneagram type Nine, which is "The Peacemaker." You can research it, if interested. It has to do with energy - their energy is very difuse - and they protect themselves - they try to remain calm at all costs, but because they repress emotions to keep calm - the damn bursts under stress and they lash out.

Their "sin" is anger - repressed anger . . . all of the "gut types" (which are Ones, Eights, and Nine) have issues with anger . . .
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