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Old 05-12-2012, 06:00 PM
 
Location: Mississippi
1,246 posts, read 1,716,371 times
Reputation: 2486

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Quote:
Originally Posted by christina0001 View Post
There's an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine dates someone who stands way too close to everyone...lol

Aaron - He's a Bit of a Close Talker

My response to people like this is to suck it up and move even closer. Usually they will then take a step back. And at least I am letting them know that they aren't upsetting me with their closeness.
LOL! He was a "close talker"
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Old 05-13-2012, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Not.here
2,828 posts, read 3,447,753 times
Reputation: 2347
I know someone who gets close because he has a hearing problem and refuses to get hearing aids. True!
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Old 05-14-2012, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 2,766,234 times
Reputation: 2183
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pear Martini View Post
So, I started this new bartending job 2 weeks ago and the pay isn't good but it's just what I need and easy enough to not stress me out at my other job.

My manager is a real ******* tho, NO ONE likes him. He calls co-workers idiots behind their backs in front of us. He told us the other day that he had "5 rock star bartenders willing to take our places" if sales weren't high.

He even has 1 bartender who has been there for 5 years having near breakdowns after work.

He over staffs the bar in a misguided attempt to provide good service, but we end up making barely enough $ to justify working here once we split tips among 5 or 6 people when we only needed 3.

But the one behavior he has that confounds me is he stands really close to me when I have to tell him or ask him something.

We are from the same culture/city, so I know it's not a cultural thing. And he is so tall, about a foot taller than me that I can't even look at his face when he does this. I'm a woman, he is a man.

It makes me feel very uncomfortable and I want to know what is behind this behavior.

Is it a sexual thing, or is he trying to establish dominance. Either way, this man is either a sociopath or at least a narcissist.

So what cause people of United States North Eastern culture to come in too close for comfort in a professional setting?


Thanks
No need to define this in terms of location...this behavior is everywhere, no matter the state or country.
People who do this are simply trying to make you uncomfortable intentionally because they can smell your fear. Just like animals do. It's a way of establishing who is the alpha.
It's stupid in adults, but hey, if you allow him to stand too close, don't define and practice your personal boundaries, then he will continue.
We get what we allow in life.
Tell him to eff off.
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Old 05-14-2012, 01:02 PM
 
Location: John & Ken-ville
13,692 posts, read 15,130,564 times
Reputation: 9493
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pear Martini View Post
So, I started this new bartending job 2 weeks ago and the pay isn't good but it's just what I need and easy enough to not stress me out at my other job.

My manager is a real ******* tho, NO ONE likes him. He calls co-workers idiots behind their backs in front of us. He told us the other day that he had "5 rock star bartenders willing to take our places" if sales weren't high.

He even has 1 bartender who has been there for 5 years having near breakdowns after work.

He over staffs the bar in a misguided attempt to provide good service, but we end up making barely enough $ to justify working here once we split tips among 5 or 6 people when we only needed 3.

But the one behavior he has that confounds me is he stands really close to me when I have to tell him or ask him something.

We are from the same culture/city, so I know it's not a cultural thing. And he is so tall, about a foot taller than me that I can't even look at his face when he does this. I'm a woman, he is a man.

It makes me feel very uncomfortable and I want to know what is behind this behavior.

Is it a sexual thing, or is he trying to establish dominance. Either way, this man is either a sociopath or at least a narcissist.

So what cause people of United States North Eastern culture to come in too close for comfort in a professional setting?


Thanks
He's a bully. He's trying to intimidate you by standing close to you and invading your personal space. If he does this with only women, I'd say there's some misogyny in there as well. If he does it with everybody he thinks of himself as "alpha male", I would have no problem quitting that job.

Everybody should find a new job and quit working for him, if everyone quit he'd have a hard time staffing that restaurant.
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Old 05-15-2012, 10:36 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
9,531 posts, read 13,372,671 times
Reputation: 20042
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tara0815 View Post
I hate people who dont understand the concept of personal space. Ive worked with one lady who when she came to your cubicle she was all standing so close to the point I was leaning to the other side in my chair. I never really heard much what she was saying all I heard was me in my head going "Would you move the F over" She wasnt somebody who was a supervisor just a fellow co worker asking for help.. but I have noticed some strangers have that issue too its like nobody ever taught them the concept or something...
Some people just aren't good with social cues.
My daughter has always been like that concerning personal space. She's not uncomfortable with being close and has a hard time understanding that other people are. She 'knows' but most of the time it just doesn't click for her, often she doesn't seem to realize just how close she is until you point it out to her. Repeatedly.
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