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View Poll Results: Is self esteem as important as people make it out to be?
Woman: Yes. Self esteem is as important as it seems. 22 59.46%
Man: Yes. Self esteem is as important as it seems. 7 18.92%
Woman: No. Self esteem is not a big deal after all. 2 5.41%
Man: No. Self esteem is not a big deal after all. 6 16.22%
Voters: 37. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-06-2012, 03:39 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,738 posts, read 9,593,026 times
Reputation: 7507

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nyanna View Post
What are the traits of Asperger's Syndrome?





Yes that is exactly what happened to me. But what do you think they felt was so different about me? Up until that point I realized I just don't fit in with AAs like that. I know one purposely made me feel uncomfortable and the constant critiques about how we wore our hair or how we dressed cause great anxiety with me

The guy loved to pit women against each other alot. He'd tell one friend that the other gets more male attention or that she has a better shape. So when everyone got together to meet there would be tension between the two girls. He'd instigate and say someone was jealous of another girl because she has (enter whatever feature/trait) even though no one had displayed any jealousy at all. Unfortunately I think this is common in the AA community cause i've spoke with other women who experienced the same thing



That is awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Did you wind up going to jail? who broke up the fight?

I caught on quick what he was doing and would always stand him up whenever they planned social gatherings. I remember going to the mall with him and he instigated a discussion about white girl's 'hair' being better than black women's hair and pointing out the white girls at the mall. And if you say something they would call you "bitter angry and jealous'. When that happened I simply refused to be in their presence again. I don't see how the other girls that still hang around him tolerate that. Maybe they are used to it if they grew up around a lot of self hating males. It probably feels normal to them. However, I found it incredibly irritating, sickening and oppressive. Like you I also developed a bit of anxiety when hanging around a group of AAs in my age group. I feel like its only a matter of time before someone instigates a conversation about a person's hair texture or skin tone being better than the other.
As far as A.S. nyanna it affects people differently, it's a form of autism. There are both physical and mental traits to this disorder. Sometimes really little things that come easily, naturally to others (socially, verbally, cognitively) are difficult for A.S. people. It greatly impacted me growing up when I didn't even know I had it in the first place. For example kids would say "your face is plain, you don't smile, obviously you're bored with (insert activity) etc." Well that's one of the traits, we don't show emotion on our faces usually, but that doesn't mean we don't have them. I have attached a link where you can skim some of the traits.

help4aspergers.com - List of Asperger Traits

Hmmm. Maybe in your group of friends they could sense that you were a little different from the other AA girls. You said yourself you had trouble fitting in with them. I think they probably picked up on this. I notice if a person is very shy, awkward, etc. they try to blend into the group, but instead has the opposite effect and they end up standing out like sore thumb. .....Again I have to agree with you about the critiquing of the way you dress, hairstyle/texture, etc. by men. One thing that A.S. people do is we 'mimic' what other people do socially, b/c again it doesn't come naturally. So I would see my gf's do their hair a certain way, make up a certain way and then try and recreate that look for myself. Not copying exactly, but styling and fashion in a similar way so that I 'fit' as part of the girls. It really didn't matter in the end because it was never quite right, so the guys ended up doing what they are good for doing: pointing it out and then making a stink over it. You go from thinking you look okay or at least sorta close to okay to 'nope. you have nappy hair' or 'nope. your makeup looks like a freaking clown.' Thanks for pointing that out. It's a big joke to them (where certain women are concerned) regardless of how you present yourself to them. I didn't really understand that then. Sorry to tell you but it's not only AA men that do this, there were less of them in my circle, yet we had the same experiences, apparently.

How I ended up in that fight, is too long to go into, but I'm sure A.S. played a small part. Most people can kind of tell the direction things are going (the sh*t is about to hit the fan, etc.) where I was oblivious. So in that group I am thinking everything is just for play, a joke, when really it has gone from that to turning serious. As I said, the whole thing was instigated by the men within the group. The fight was broken up when everyone got bored basically and started to wonder off. It was just 'over.' No I didn't go to jail but I was injured slightly. I was a real mess other than physically.

Anyway, how do you react now? I know you said you would stand up for yourself back then and that's great, don't put up with their garbage. Then, I was a different person, unsure how to react in situations or what to say. I wasn't even sure what was driving them to say and act the way they did. Now I don't care as long as they know not to do it to me. That was then, this is now. LOL.

Last edited by Doll Eyes; 05-06-2012 at 03:51 PM..
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:10 PM
 
9 posts, read 9,285 times
Reputation: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
you need to go to your HR department and file a complaint for harassment. He's has NO buisness calling you names in the workplace. You need to have some documentation in place if he decides to fire you.
thank-you and I did the spelling after i asked my niece about it because the people are complaining and she says i'm incorrect. I like my own spelling because when i read it its me and if i do the spelling and read it its somebody but not me the same. I do the cash register and am looking for another job because i have to get my appendix out There is no department to hr and just hearing somebody say so is all i needed to feel good so this was very nice of you to take the time and it can be hard but who cares if somebody cares the babysitting was worth it cause i got paid and feel better to. spell checked

Last edited by penlope; 05-06-2012 at 08:18 PM..
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:53 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,738 posts, read 9,593,026 times
Reputation: 7507
Quote:
Originally Posted by penlope View Post
thank-you and I did the spelling after i asked my niece about it because the people are complaining and she says i'm incorrect. I like my own spelling because when i read it its me and if i do the spelling and read it its somebody but not me the same. I do the cash register and am looking for another job because i have to get my appendix out There is no department to hr and just hearing somebody say so is all i needed to feel good so this was very nice of you to take the time and it can be hard but who cares if somebody cares the babysitting was worth it cause i got paid and feel better to. spell checked

Sometimes I switch or reverse words/letters or sentences are out of order with the flow of the story I'm telling, this is because of my own set of issues. I used to work with Down Syndrome population. They rarely speak or write anything correctly -- but really, who cares?? At the end of the day, most of us workers got the gist of what they were trying to convey. Since there is no HR department what do you plan on doing as far as your boss is concerned? By deciding not to put up with your boss or care if your spelling isn't perfect, you seem to be clued in to the fact that other people aren't actually official gatekeepers of.....anything. LOL.
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