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View Poll Results: Is self esteem as important as people make it out to be?
Woman: Yes. Self esteem is as important as it seems. 22 59.46%
Man: Yes. Self esteem is as important as it seems. 7 18.92%
Woman: No. Self esteem is not a big deal after all. 2 5.41%
Man: No. Self esteem is not a big deal after all. 6 16.22%
Voters: 37. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-05-2012, 01:56 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,738 posts, read 9,585,314 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette View Post
A healthy sense of self-esteem is key to knowing how to make mistakes or accept defeat gracefully, avoid being victimized or taken advantage of, and live comfortably with yourself. Someone who has self-esteem is just going to be happier than someone who doesn't. That's not to say that self-esteem solves every problem or makes life a bed of roses. But it does give you the motivation to solve your problems, take care of your mind and your body, and protect yourself from those who would abuse you.

Doll Eyes, you talk about how all of the men you've dated have done bad things to you. You now say you see no value in self-esteem. Has it ever occurred to you that the two are related?
I think some of the things you mentioned like avoiding being victimized and motivation for problem solving probably have more to do with the person then their so called self esteem. some of these people are probably attributing their traits to HSE. So you're saying no one with HSE has ever been victimized or taken advantage of?


I have never dated men yzette b/c they clearly are not interested at this point, LOL....yes men have treated me badly. Ones that I have known personally and strangers as well... No I don't see the connection either way because I don't put up with their nonsense, I tell them flat out to their face where they can go, if they start to carry on with me. I don't care about their size and intimidation methods they use. There was a time when I didn't really have a choice but that's another matter. This idea that all women with LSE put up with abusive men and their nonsense is FALSE!
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:03 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laorbust61 View Post
Why self-esteem is important:

At its core are the boundaries you set that guide 1)What you are willing or not willing to do to achieve a desired objective 2)How you allow others to treat you.

These two factors will determine a lot about: 1)Who your friends are 2) Who you marry 3) Who you date 4) How you treat your immediate family 5)How you treat your extended family and friends 6)How you treat yourself; i.e., will you prepare yourself for success in life, or will you cut and run and turn to a life of slacking and loafing all the while extoling the "virtue" of "non-materialistic" lifestyle (please note: There are people who have acquired the tools for success, made use of them and now have decided to live a simpler life--this is not directed at them) Self-esteem has less to do with HOW MUCH money you have. It has more to do with: 1) Are you WISE with the money you do have? 2)What are you will to do to have money? Are you willing to break the law?

All these things I've mentioned are also tied to:

1)Your reputation in your community 2)How you mentor and parent children--your own and others' 3)Whether you will be able to provide for your children, or will you leave a legacy of poverty and more low self-esteem based life choices made by your progeny. 4)Whether you will be able to live a life not controlled by the penal/corrections system.

For those of you, (like me) who enjoy analyzing patterns--perhaps you are beginning to see my point that self-esteem or lack of it has a tremendous ripple effect in YOUR life and the lives around you that you affect.
Some of those things you mentioned like who you date, how you mentor your children, community reputation, treatment of immediate family are good points. So apparently people with HSE do and have all those things and the rest of us don't I guess, not trying to be sarcastic either. So if you don't have those things in order or those traits then you're just wasting your time with the people that do.

I have never had a parking ticket, let alone gone to jail.
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Where Dance Music comes first
1,904 posts, read 2,485,391 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
People seems to make a big stink over self esteem, I get tired of hearing about it. The way some people talk about it is as if it's going to clear everything up for a person, make things clear. I also notice it peppered throughout a lot of answers given in this section... Well, I come to the conclusion it's another B.S. concept like CBT Therapy. Where somebody benefited somewhere in the world and now we all can . Self esteem is pushed onto people and in the end it's just another abstract concept that doesn't amount provide any more answers then anything else...Anyways what are your thoughts on self esteem as a concept?
True.

IMO, 99% of Psychology, as we know it, is utter garbage.
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:13 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raging-Hetero View Post
True.

IMO, 99% of Psychology, as we know it, is utter garbage.

OK but I'm not on board with the 99% of psychology being garbage part. LOL. But I think some of the methods they claims helps people don't do anything at all really and could probably be attributed to other things about that person.
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:20 PM
 
8,680 posts, read 12,847,198 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
I think some of the things you mentioned like avoiding being victimized and motivation for problem solving probably have more to do with the person then their so called self esteem. some of these people are probably attributing their traits to HSE. So you're saying no one with HSE has ever been victimized or taken advantage of?


I have never dated men yzette b/c they clearly are not interested at this point, LOL....yes men have treated me badly. Ones that I have known personally and strangers as well... No I don't see the connection either way because I don't put up with their nonsense, I tell them flat out to their face where they can go, if they start to carry on with me. I don't care about their size and intimidation methods they use. There was a time when I didn't really have a choice but that's another matter. This idea that all women with LSE put up with abusive men and their nonsense is FALSE!
No, I'm not saying no one with high self-esteem has ever been taken advantage of. Unlike you, I do not speak in absolutes.

I don't know where you get the idea that I even came close to implying that all women with low self-esteem put up with abusive men and their nonsense, either. Again, I do not speak in absolutes.

However, there is a correlation between low self-esteem and tolerance for abuse. Women with low self-esteem are more likely to have a higher threshold for abuse. That in no way, shape, or form implies that ALL women with low self-esteem tolerate it. Indeed, many women with very low self-esteem do not even attempt to date because don't feel worthy of love or affection. If you don't date, you can't be in an abusive relationship.

At any rate, the world does not operate in absolutes. Try to remember that.

As long as we are talking about your experience, do you have low self-esteem?
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:43 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,371 posts, read 12,321,939 times
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Having self esteem means you believe you have worth. If you dont think you are worth something, why should anyone disagree with you?
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:48 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,738 posts, read 9,585,314 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette View Post
No, I'm not saying no one with high self-esteem has ever been taken advantage of. Unlike you, I do not speak in absolutes.

I don't know where you get the idea that I even came close to implying that all women with low self-esteem put up with abusive men and their nonsense, either. Again, I do not speak in absolutes.

However, there is a correlation between low self-esteem and tolerance for abuse. Women with low self-esteem are more likely to have a higher threshold for abuse. That in no way, shape, or form implies that ALL women with low self-esteem tolerate it. Indeed, many women with very low self-esteem do not even attempt to date because don't feel worthy of love or affection. If you don't date, you can't be in an abusive relationship.

At any rate, the world does not operate in absolutes. Try to remember that.

As long as we are talking about your experience, do you have low self-esteem?
Whether you think in absolutes or not doesn't make any difference to me and vice versa. The world operates in a really fu*ked up way in general and I stopped trying to figure it out...It seemed like you were implying people with HSE do not go through those issues. I thought it was implied when you said something along the lines of HSE protects you from being abused or getting victimized. As in, because they have HSE they will never be in those situations. It's been mentioned a few times (not necessarily by you) that people with LSE are getting abused and putting up with it. If that's not what you were implying, then my bad. All I was saying is, it's false as far as I'm concerned. Women that's in abusive relationship probably feel beaten down both physically and verbally by being told they are nothing and punched, why and how they are expected to combat that I have no idea.

I don't attempt to date because I don't see the point after 32 years I probably would've been made aware by now if someone was interested (excusing one very recent incidence). I don't attribute that to LSE, I attribute it to common sense. If someone with HSE in my situation want to tell themselves: "That's okay! There's still someone out there for me!" or "I'm never giving up on this!" I have no idea what they base this mentality on, but clearly it's not track record.
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:49 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,738 posts, read 9,585,314 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
Having self esteem means you believe you have worth. If you dont think you are worth something, why should anyone disagree with you?

They don't have to. I don't care either way. They can just worry about how great they think they are. I was just discussing the subject.
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Old 05-05-2012, 03:11 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,371 posts, read 12,321,939 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
They don't have to. I don't care either way. They can just worry about how great they think they are. I was just discussing the subject.
Of course you care. That is why you made this thread.
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Old 05-05-2012, 03:17 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,738 posts, read 9,585,314 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
Of course you care. That is why you made this thread.

No that is where you're wrong. If you are asking me why I made the thread: I said it in the OP, I want to know why people make a big deal out of self esteem and if they think it's a valid concept. They seem to attribute just about everything to it, pretty blindly too. If you think I made this thread for people to try and 'convince me to have HSE' then you misunderstood the purpose of the thread because those people are wasting their time. I thought it was pretty clear from the onset that I don't even beleive it's valid in the first place.
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