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Old 05-21-2012, 09:20 AM
 
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They learn that they can get what they want by throwing a tantrum or being aggressive so even though they may not throw tantrums and scream, they will use things like intimidation.etc to control and intimidate etc.
This type of bullying is very common in a marriage where one spouse is spoilt & can always have his/her way by throwing tantrums or giving the 'silent treatment' until the other one gives in. I think silent treatment is emotional abuse.
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Old 05-21-2012, 09:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by looking4answers12 View Post
I believe there is more than one type of bully. Some are sociopaths and some are not.
Um, that's what I said.
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Old 05-21-2012, 03:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
I think with children, the only way that you can really stop a bully in his tracks is confronting him or her for that matter, head on...this doesn't mean giving him a black eye, but stripping away the hard, abrasive, hostile exterior and stripping his soul naked so he can really see for himself how futile it all is.

If you ignore a bully he might tire of toying with you and find someone knew. Not that it's your job to stop him, but sometimes bullies really do need a taste of their own medicine. Chances are, most won't take well to it, so you have to be persistent. Keep in mind that they are (as hard as it is to believe sometimes ) still human, with their own vulnerabilities and weaknesses. They still feel pain, they bleed red. Something that is easy to forget when dealing with difficult people.

i agree that bullies bleed red which is why i would instill in my sons ( should i ever have any ) to hit bullies back ten times as hard if they lay a glove on you , unfortunatley you cannot hit a female bully and some bullies are inhuman and no amount of verbal defense can help you withstand , your choice is either to walk away or die inside in thier presence
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Old 05-21-2012, 10:22 PM
 
Location: FL
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Originally Posted by Osito View Post
Um, that's what I said.
So you did! I think I missed that tiny word "all", which changed the entire meaning of the paragraph.
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Old 05-21-2012, 10:28 PM
 
Location: FL
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Originally Posted by irish_bob View Post
i agree that bullies bleed red which is why i would instill in my sons ( should i ever have any ) to hit bullies back ten times as hard if they lay a glove on you , unfortunatley you cannot hit a female bully and some bullies are inhuman and no amount of verbal defense can help you withstand , your choice is either to walk away or die inside in thier presence

Or develop seriously thick skin an learn some coping tools. If you can get away, it's a good option.

Sometimes its more complicated than getting way. I can't walk away from the bullies in my life, so I have to make choices every day whether today I stand up to them and deal with the drama, or just walk away (for the moment) and ignore. Either way, it requires lots of coping skills. There have been moments where I have probably felt like I was dying inside a little with each encounter. I think I have been able to handle it most of the time.

This isn't necessarily directed at you bob, so much as it is inspired by your comments. My little therapy session, I suppose.
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Old 05-25-2012, 05:18 AM
 
Location: San Fran Bay Area
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Originally Posted by asma410 View Post
Yes i have witnessed this. You cannot predict the behavior of these types. Sometimes they are nice to you & do favors & at times they bully you. So you never know whats coming. Its always a suspense & somehow they sense that fear in you & act in a very unpredictable way. Its to have a psychological hold on you. They will be very polite & respectful to others & even you, in front of others but when you are alone they will say the meanest things. Others will be confused when you complain because they have seen them being polite to you. They know what they are doing & how they are manipulating people around them. They are just sick & power mongers.
Oh yeah, I have witnessed one of these types at work. They set it up so everyone sees them being nothing but gracious to you, and they even go so far as to talk so nicely of you to others when you aren't around. But, when no-one else is around, they say and do some nasty stuff. I know a woman like this, brought into the family by marriage. She tried to break up a close relationship between two of my cousins by telling one of them how bad she thought the other cousin was for his mental health, and then she acted all butt-hurt and innocent, as if she was only trying to "help." Sick, sick woman. My cousin eventually started taping some of the conversations because no-one believed him. Yay for technology!
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Old 05-25-2012, 06:18 AM
 
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Originally Posted by looking4answers12 View Post
Or develop seriously thick skin an learn some coping tools. If you can get away, it's a good option.

Sometimes its more complicated than getting way. I can't walk away from the bullies in my life, so I have to make choices every day whether today I stand up to them and deal with the drama, or just walk away (for the moment) and ignore. Either way, it requires lots of coping skills. There have been moments where I have probably felt like I was dying inside a little with each encounter. I think I have been able to handle it most of the time.

This isn't necessarily directed at you bob, so much as it is inspired by your comments. My little therapy session, I suppose.

developing a thick enough skin to withstand a bully involves changing who you are which in effect means the bully forced you to change at a core level , it almost suggests that the victim is at fault and needs to change
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Old 05-25-2012, 05:20 PM
 
Location: FL
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Originally Posted by irish_bob View Post
developing a thick enough skin to withstand a bully involves changing who you are which in effect means the bully forced you to change at a core level , it almost suggests that the victim is at fault and needs to change
You definitely gave me something to think about with that statment.

Unfortunately though, we can't avoid being changed by those who we come into contact with. In the best of circumstances we are changed for the better by the positive people who come into our lives. In the worst of circumstances we are changed in a negative way by the negative people in our lives.

Sometimes, if we are lucky we can try to use those negative experiences and somehow turn them into a postive. Of course, that is extra challenging.

Change is inevitable. It is how we change that is important.
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Old 05-25-2012, 06:34 PM
 
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People have called me a "bully". I have no problems with calling people out who do not do their work. However...I am not mean. I simply expect people to do their jobs.

However, I have worked with sociopaths...and believe they should be labeled as such. These people lie, manipulate, create drama and chaos....and are cruel. Getting someone fired is a game to them.
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Old 05-25-2012, 08:28 PM
 
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Well lets, think. Should I complain and make somebody lose their pathetic 50,000 a year job, or just ignore them? Harrasment, is harrasment folks, and it should not be tolerated, but lets learn some things about these idiots before we let them go. I mean who really cares, because they left their private information on a terminal.

So when all else fails, ignore them.
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