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Old 05-20-2012, 01:48 PM
 
11,686 posts, read 13,078,672 times
Reputation: 30973

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Quote:
Originally Posted by carolyninfl View Post
This is just to runpast you, just to see if I shouldnt of took it rudely or not.

I am a server in a small diner. I wait on regulars everyday for years.
It was the other day this 85 year old mans birthday. So I figured I would get him a little something because he is alone.

I got a little bag of truffles with a card attached. I put it on his table and he saw it when he came in. I put My name and another servers name on card. Before he even looked at the card he picks it up and says "Is this from Steve"? Steve is the owner. I said No, Fred. Happy Birthday its from me and so and so.......its on the card

He said Oh....Oh.

I just felt that was rude.

Any thoughts? and he never said thank you omg
He's 85 years old!!!! Maybe he just quite wasn't taking this birthday thing of yours in at the speed you might. You felt he was rude, you don't know what he felt...you don't live in his head.

Give him a break, give yourself a break.

You did something very nice. The gift was received. Now you are bitchin' because it didn't go over like you wanted....sounds like the gift was for you, not him. Again, you gave a gift, he got the gift.

Your intention was lovely, your expectation of reward got blown off course.

Let go, move on.
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Old 05-20-2012, 02:40 PM
 
12,425 posts, read 14,553,508 times
Reputation: 14112
Quote:
Originally Posted by NY Annie View Post
Carolyn, rather than think him rude, perhaps you can think that he was overwhelmed with emotion and unable to speak.

What you did was indeed thoughtful and considerate. Let it stand as that. A true gift is given freely, without even the expectation of a thank you.
very nice post NY Annie....very true!
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Old 05-21-2012, 02:46 PM
 
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 2,762,384 times
Reputation: 2183
Quote:
Originally Posted by carolyninfl View Post
You are right Annie
Actually, no. You are. When did kindness and gratitude become a problem or something we ought not to expect??

Live long enough and people will disappoint you, and feeling deflated becasue your thoughtfullness was basically ignored is very understandable.

I wouldn't dwell on it, but your feelings ARE justified.
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Old 05-21-2012, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 2,762,384 times
Reputation: 2183
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
People don't always react the way they think you should.

Your act of kindness still makes you a good person, no matter how it was received. And as others pointed out, you might not really know how he felt.

We do expect appreciation, though, that's just human. One time a friend of mine asked me if I would come over and type up a letter for her neighbor. The neighbor needed to send a letter regarding child support to the county court, and English was not her first language and she did not know how to type. My friend knew I could do this for her and I agreed to do so. (This was in the 80s before PCs, so we were using an electric typewriter).

I asked the woman what the situation was and she explained it to me in her broken English. I composed a good letter that would get her point across, typed it up nicely and gave it to her to sign. The woman was thrilled--and promptly ran to my friend and thanked her over and over for helping her WHEN I WAS THE ONE WHO DID ALL THE WORK. She never said boo to me, not thanks, not goodbye, not anything. Just left with her letter in her hand, happy as a pig.

And to make it worse, my friend's response to this nitwit thanking her was "Well, I just try to help people because when I die I want to go to Heaven."

I wanted to crack their heads together, but I just took a deep breath and decided that if there's anyone keeping score of good little deeds done, I'd just earned a checkmark. Of course, if there's anyone keeping score of suckers, I got a checkmark for that, too.
Ha! Remind your friend that good deeds do not get one into Heaven.
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Old 05-21-2012, 02:52 PM
 
Location: Tampa bay
1,014 posts, read 1,249,884 times
Reputation: 1369
Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
He's 85 years old!!!! Maybe he just quite wasn't taking this birthday thing of yours in at the speed you might. You felt he was rude, you don't know what he felt...you don't live in his head.

Give him a break, give yourself a break.

You did something very nice. The gift was received. Now you are bitchin' because it didn't go over like you wanted....sounds like the gift was for you, not him. Again, you gave a gift, he got the gift.

Your intention was lovely, your expectation of reward got blown off course.

Let go, move on.
Hey!!! Im moving on I as I said wanted to get some feed back on this! I am not bitchin just wondering there is a difference.

The reason and only reason I did it was to make the persons day and I didnt feel that it did but I shouldnt look at it that way

I just learn a lot about people is all
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Old 05-21-2012, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Tampa bay
1,014 posts, read 1,249,884 times
Reputation: 1369
Quote:
Originally Posted by redvelvet709 View Post
Actually, no. You are. When did kindness and gratitude become a problem or something we ought not to expect??

Live long enough and people will disappoint you, and feeling deflated becasue your thoughtfullness was basically ignored is very understandable.

I wouldn't dwell on it, but your feelings ARE justified.
thank you exactly and yes I will be 50 soon and I have learned a lot about people young and old.

And I do want to add being 85 does not excuse rudeness ( at the loss of a different word) some people just think people owe them too just saying!
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Old 05-21-2012, 06:12 PM
 
738 posts, read 928,264 times
Reputation: 991
Quote:
Originally Posted by carolyninfl View Post
thank you exactly and yes I will be 50 soon and I have learned a lot about people young and old.

And I do want to add being 85 does not excuse rudeness ( at the loss of a different word) some people just think people owe them too just saying!
When your 85 you think differently and say things you wouldn't had said years before. Not understanding sarcasm is common. They say what pops into their minds. They are not aware they are being rude. They get things in their mind and you can never convince them otherwise. It is different at that age.
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