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Other than a work schedule, I don't like to have anything planned for a certain time. I guess I feel it invades my freedom, what little I actually have.
I'm angry at the fact that I can't spend time "doing whatever"
I'm afraid I might lose my mind because I can't "do whatever"
Can you talk those out for me? What are the thoughts that are going through your head when you're angry that you can't spend time "doing whatever"? I'm looking for the actual words you say in your head here.
When you say you're afraid you might lose your mind--can you tell me more about that? What would you be like if you lost your mind from not "doing whatever"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ragnarkar
Parkinson's Law, instead of using the official definition, I'll illustrate it with a short story/example:
Imagine you're in college and you've been putting off a major paper till the last night before it's due. The night before, you suddenly get an urgent rush that it needs to be done. So you do whatever you can and crank it out.. you cut corners on all unnecessary details and fight to get the best possible work done under these extreme time constraints. Then you end up with a fairly decent paper to turn in (although not your best work.)
What you're describing isn't a "law". It's just procrastination.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ragnarkar
Unfortunately, my body kinda makes it nearly impossible to spend time for anything other than "doing whatever" if I haven't been "doing whatever" for a long time. (If you don't understand the magnitude of the urge and still suggest I fight it and prevent myself from "doing whatever", please read my example previously about suppressing male urges.) It's as if my body has a "shutdown" switch on everything except "doing whatever" when a severe deficit is encountered. Time MUST be spent on "doing whatever" even if there are other urgent things to be done at this point. And I complete my other urgent tasks in a manner similar to what I illustrated in my section about Parkinson's law earlier.
But my question was about the opposite case. If you've been spending plenty of time "doing whatever", how difficult is it for you then to focus on something? Do you cut corners even if you've been "doing whatever" for a long time?
Think of it like a fear of spiders.. only the person doesn't fear spiders but the idea that an event is scheduled in the near future. Yes, it may sound ridiculous to some and I'm exaggerating it a little but it's very real.
Since this is a Psychology forum--I thought more people might be more understanding of other's phobias or, Anxiety. I have the same thing as ragnarkar--I call it "commitment-phobia". I hate having to go to other's (what I see as) Moronic Events. And it always seems like it's narcissistic, high pressure-type people are basically trying to corner me into going to their parties, whatever. They don't care one whit about if I want to go, it's all about them.
When I was college age, I craved socializing with other people, hanging out with friends, but it was way more free-form, & there wasn't this.....pressure like there is now. Nowadays, an "invitation" isn't an invitation, it's often more of a "demand". People will drop you like a "Hot Potato" if you don't do everything they want.
(And yes, those are 2 overlapping problems: "commitment-phobia", & disliking being pressured by "high pressure-type people". Then there's Social Phobia.......I wonder if ragnarkar has that also?)
RockJock1729, I don't understand your arguments with ragnarkar. Are you trying to prove that he's "wrong"? Or not being "logical"? Of course it's not logical. He apparently has a phobia, or anxiety, or both. If you could just lecture people who have phobias, & point out all the ways that they're wrong......it's so totally not useful, & also completely misses the point.....
Since this is a Psychology forum--I thought more people might be more understanding of other's phobias or, Anxiety. I have the same thing as ragnarkar--I call it "commitment-phobia". I hate having to go to other's (what I see as) Moronic Events. And it always seems like it's narcissistic, high pressure-type people are basically trying to corner me into going to their parties, whatever. They don't care one whit about if I want to go, it's all about them.
When I was college age, I craved socializing with other people, hanging out with friends, but it was way more free-form, & there wasn't this.....pressure like there is now. Nowadays, an "invitation" isn't an invitation, it's often more of a "demand". People will drop you like a "Hot Potato" if you don't do everything they want.
(And yes, those are 2 overlapping problems: "commitment-phobia", & disliking being pressured by "high pressure-type people". Then there's Social Phobia.......I wonder if ragnarkar has that also?)
RockJock1729, I don't understand your arguments with ragnarkar. Are you trying to prove that he's "wrong"? Or not being "logical"? Of course it's not logical. He apparently has a phobia, or anxiety, or both. If you could just lecture people who have phobias, & point out all the ways that they're wrong......it's so totally not useful, & also completely misses the point.....
That may be because I'm not making an argument. I'm not trying to prove anything, nor am I lecturing ragnarkar at all. I'm looking at this situation in cognitive-behavioral terms, and I'm trying to understand the self-talk that's going on in ragnarkar's mind. (The thoughts drive emotions, which in turn drive behavior.)
Something seems to get triggered in ragnarkar's mind when s/he has a commitment or oblligation, and that trigger is connected to his/her rebound in "doing whatever". The anger and the fear s/he mentioned have objects, and those objects may help tell what's driving the behavior, which in turn may suggest a way to deal with the problem.
I'm also trying to figure out whether his/her drive toward "doing whatever" is "moving toward" or "moving away from", which helps distinguish anxiety from addiction. Plus, there are other things that it could be; anxiety and addiction are only two of them.
Can you talk those out for me? What are the thoughts that are going through your head when you're angry that you can't spend time "doing whatever"? I'm looking for the actual words you say in your head here.
When you say you're afraid you might lose your mind--can you tell me more about that? What would you be like if you lost your mind from not "doing whatever"?
No thoughts in particular, just general anger at the situation of not being able to "do whatever"..
If I lost my mind, I'll end up spontaneously dropping all obligations and start "doing whatever".
Quote:
But my question was about the opposite case. If you've been spending plenty of time "doing whatever", how difficult is it for you then to focus on something? Do you cut corners even if you've been "doing whatever" for a long time?
No thoughts in particular, just general anger at the situation of not being able to "do whatever"..
If I lost my mind, I'll end up spontaneously dropping all obligations and start "doing whatever".
Have you tried journaling about those times? Take a notebook, and in those times that you're feeling anger at not being able to "do whatever", and just barf whatever you're thinking/feeling onto the page for a few minutes. Literally just write down whatever thoughts about it are running through your head to yourself. The more specific the entries, the more useful they'll be.
After a few such entries, look through them, and try to see if there are any commonalities or themes in what you wrote down. Maybe your comments are resentful, or express a feeling of entitlement. Maybe they'd show that you're overestimating the impact the actual inconvenience you'll really have. The same process also works for when you're feeling afraid at not being able to "do whatever", though that situation sounds more straightforward.
At the start of this thread you were looking for a place to start getting a handle on this. This technique may give you such a starting place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ragnarkar
not difficult at all.
That's very helpful, actually. It sounds like "moving away" behavior, and suggests that there is some kind of anxiety (or maybe depression--that sometimes looks and feels like anxiety) that you're managing. "Doing whatever" for some minimum amount of time gets you enough distance from it that you can handle it, and not getting that minimum makes the anxiety harder to block out. It also means that you're not looking to "do whatever" some limitless amount, which would suggest addiction and make getting a handle on things harder. It also suggests that the problem isn't an executive one; if it were an executive problem like ADD, you probably wouldn't be able to regulate the time you spend "doing whatever".
Does anyone have a difficult time staying "calm" if they have some event "planned" later in the day? It could be a party or a doctor's appointment.. just anything where you need to be at a certain place at an exact or approximate time. You may or may not dread the event itself (party vs. doctor visit) but the notion that your "freedom" is limited until you go to the event and get it over causes unnecessary anxiety.
These things do indeed stress me out & cause anticipatory anxiety,
but that's still preferable (for me) compared with a spontaneous surprise sprung upon me.
I don't deal well with sudden change in events, so it's better to have a plan made,
despite the long period of fear I experience leading up to the day & time.
Does anyone have a difficult time staying "calm" if they have some event "planned" later in the day? It could be a party or a doctor's appointment.. just anything where you need to be at a certain place at an exact or approximate time. You may or may not dread the event itself (party vs. doctor visit) but the notion that your "freedom" is limited until you go to the event and get it over causes unnecessary anxiety.
I only make plans if i absolutely have to....but, most times, i dont have to, so i just "rough it".
As counterintuitive as it sounds, I'll try to schedule time everyday to "do whatever" instead of spontaneously "doing whatever" and feeling guilty nothing's being done.
Is there a name for this because I have it! I hate scheduling anything and it gives me anxiety because I never know what the day will deal me! Menstrual migraine? Dehibilitating cramps? Digestive bloating, D or constipation, anxiety, a bad bipolar mood, exhaustion (from mania). This all makes me look pretty screwed up but if you met me youd think I'm a high functioning business owner like I am! I get anxiety before commitments, it causes problems in my long term intimate relationships and what was once an extrovert has become a fierce introvert until I get this sh$t under control. You'd never know I have all of the diagnosis - of which I didn't even mention ADHD which makes me forget and can completely stress me out being inefficient and losing track of time when up against obligations! Hopefully that helps- still looking for a name for scheduling phobia! I've got it!
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