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Old 05-21-2012, 11:03 AM
 
6,770 posts, read 7,494,561 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by long beach finest View Post
If you look thru the psychology forum you will relize the great majority of them have to do with other peoples toxic behavior. Why put up with it at all. Is it not better to be with Yourself, god and the earth then to be around toxic people. Your personal cirlce, and "secoundary circle", should not contain any "neutral" or god forbid "negative people". Unfortunaltly the "Pro circle" is not voluntary and sometimes you just have to quit. Nevertheless people should opt. to be alone(not lonely) rather then put up with peoples BS. When you talk to a person and they leave with a negative energy that was not there before, dissassociate from them. The number 1 and 2 social rules should be free associations and no toxic people. No respect, no association. Why, because other people can be hell and being alone is much more favorable, or at least it is pergutory until one can be with "good people". What do you guys think?

real deal toxic people are quite rare IMO , ive only ever met two and one has the excuse of having suffered brain trauma as a kid due to a car crash , i think you are better off bailing on toxic people , when i was younger , i couldnt walk away from a confrontation and found myself giving toxic charechters exactly what they wanted , conflict , not worth it , they grow in stature from conflict while you eventually wear down
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Old 05-21-2012, 11:16 AM
 
3,395 posts, read 3,208,545 times
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I absolutely agree with the OP. When I get to know people, I ask myself after we part, "Am I happier for knowing that person. Am I left angry, tense, depressed after I talk to them? Do they add to my life in a positive way?" I determine who will be and will not be in my life this way. Because it is after all, MY LIFE.

Of course, the exception would be my children, but if I do my job, this won't be an issue.
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Old 05-21-2012, 08:15 PM
 
Location: here
24,472 posts, read 28,750,429 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by asma410 View Post
'coz no one is perfect. There is positive & negative in all of us & we are helping in recognizing & replacing the negative with positive energy. Just like I think some people around me are toxic, I am sure someone else thinks I am toxic in some way but they put up with me. No harm in pointing my mistakes & helping me improve. Its all a part of learning from each other & growing together as a society.
Ya, but when you first get to know someone, are you really going to point out your new acquaintances annoying behavior, or just move on and choose not to spend time with them? For me, it isn't even about "toxic" people it is about little annoyances that make me not want to pursue a friendship.
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Old 05-22-2012, 02:32 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,092,030 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by long beach finest View Post
If you look thru the psychology forum you will relize the great majority of them have to do with other peoples toxic behavior. Why put up with it at all. Is it not better to be with Yourself, god and the earth then to be around toxic people. Your personal cirlce, and "secoundary circle", should not contain any "neutral" or god forbid "negative people". Unfortunaltly the "Pro circle" is not voluntary and sometimes you just have to quit. Nevertheless people should opt. to be alone(not lonely) rather then put up with peoples BS. When you talk to a person and they leave with a negative energy that was not there before, dissassociate from them. The number 1 and 2 social rules should be free associations and no toxic people. No respect, no association. Why, because other people can be hell and being alone is much more favorable, or at least it is pergutory until one can be with "good people". What do you guys think?
It's great in theory, but things are not always so simple.
Sometimes people come in groups.
My sister is extremely negative and toxic right now. I have limited my contact with her, but I still have to have some contact, because we are both helping to care for my elderly father.

Someimes a person that you really like have other people in their lives that you come into contact with. You can't always just cut out all contact with toxic people. Sometimes you just have to learn the best way to cope with their presense in your life.

Every situation is different.
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Old 05-22-2012, 03:44 PM
 
11,685 posts, read 13,091,702 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by long beach finest View Post
If you look thru the psychology forum you will relize the great majority of them have to do with other peoples toxic behavior. Why put up with it at all. Is it not better to be with Yourself, god and the earth then to be around toxic people. Your personal cirlce, and "secoundary circle", should not contain any "neutral" or god forbid "negative people". Unfortunaltly the "Pro circle" is not voluntary and sometimes you just have to quit. Nevertheless people should opt. to be alone(not lonely) rather then put up with peoples BS. When you talk to a person and they leave with a negative energy that was not there before, dissassociate from them. The number 1 and 2 social rules should be free associations and no toxic people. No respect, no association. Why, because other people can be hell and being alone is much more favorable, or at least it is pergutory until one can be with "good people". What do you guys think?
For the most part I do not agree.

Hell is usually my emotional reaction to other people. Very few people simply aggress upon me, and I am the helpless victim....that may happen in stores, chance encounters, new social contacts with unknown persons, etc. But that's really "accidental" stuff. And it is rather easily dealt with.

Nasty family situations, hostile co-workers, friends with changing personalities these are not "accidental" contacts. It is usually hard to be impervious to abuse, drama and hostility, especially if it is the norm for some people closely involved in your life....but it does help to try to disengage from my own sticky emotions about such people.

Granted, sometimes this simply is not possible, and these relationships interfere with your life in a major way, and the struggle for self-control and peace is overwhelmed constantly.

In that case, having tried all avenues for a halfway decent modus vivendi, radical social surgery is the answer. No contact at all. Clearly, this can mean making some very big changes with one's family circle (perhaps) or leaving a job, euthanizing a decayed friendship...Oh, I can't do that, oh, no, blah, blah....all of that is more of my emotion. But all of these things can be done. And I've done all three over a lifetime, usually at considerable temporary disruption, but my peace of mind was restored, my quality of life improved and I was able to give for a long period to people who were in desperate need of help. And this latter engagement quite frankly was probably of more value than my family relationships, my education and my friendships.

Take the time that these supposedly compelling emotional maelstroms of relationships have been consuming, and use it more wisely and educatively.

Get job as an aide working with dying people. Men and women and children unable to clean themselves, to keep from puking every meal, from urinating and defecating in their beds over and over and over...put some major time in there...months and years. Wipe the dirty rears, wipe off their puke-covered faces, learn to fold up a feces-filled sheet like an origami, sit there at night with someone whose only other companion is pain and agony and fear. You will learn how not to inflate and expend your emotions over dramatic rubbish - and also see what real need is.

To paraphrase an old observation: If you want to learn life, learn life by the light of the lone lamp in the death room.

Last edited by kevxu; 05-22-2012 at 03:55 PM..
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Old 05-22-2012, 04:51 PM
 
Location: Love, Epicenter
399 posts, read 493,471 times
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Default I'd say false

Hell to me is getting everything I want with little to no effort, no challenge, and no obstacles to overcome. OR repeating the same cycles and problems over and over again without any change, trapped in dogma and principles, no growth, just being all out stuck.

So I enjoy the path of neutrality and balance.

Plus, I like people a lot, even if most days I feel like I have no friends.
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Old 05-22-2012, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Love, Epicenter
399 posts, read 493,471 times
Reputation: 385
Quote:
Originally Posted by long beach finest View Post
If you look thru the psychology forum you will relize the great majority of them have to do with other peoples toxic behavior. Why put up with it at all. Is it not better to be with Yourself, god and the earth then to be around toxic people. Your personal cirlce, and "secoundary circle", should not contain any "neutral" or god forbid "negative people". Unfortunaltly the "Pro circle" is not voluntary and sometimes you just have to quit. Nevertheless people should opt. to be alone(not lonely) rather then put up with peoples BS. When you talk to a person and they leave with a negative energy that was not there before, dissassociate from them. The number 1 and 2 social rules should be free associations and no toxic people. No respect, no association. Why, because other people can be hell and being alone is much more favorable, or at least it is pergutory until one can be with "good people". What do you guys think?
I think people are people. And this is coming from someone who use to label everyone as toxic. They were too needy, to detached, to bossy, too mean, too arrogant, too selfish, put me down too much, too nice, too altruistic...

But I see people as absolutely necessary for growth. They show you sides of yourself you didn't even know existed and once you begin to accept that you aren't perfect and offer yourself compassion, you become more accepting of other's thorns without allowing them to shove you into unwanted, unnecessary seclusion.
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:52 PM
Status: "happy again, no longer catless! t...." (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,423 posts, read 16,695,799 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Caligula1 View Post
Seriously.. How can their be jews,muslims, christions and whatever all claim heaven and hell...
They all have the same origion. Other religions do not. Some of them are very old and some newer, but the link is that this is the working place to grow and not the end goal. The end goal is to grow sufficently that we do not have another life.
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Old 05-23-2012, 04:03 AM
 
6,770 posts, read 7,494,561 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by asma410 View Post
'coz no one is perfect. There is positive & negative in all of us & we are helping in recognizing & replacing the negative with positive energy. Just like I think some people around me are toxic, I am sure someone else thinks I am toxic in some way but they put up with me. No harm in pointing my mistakes & helping me improve. Its all a part of learning from each other & growing together as a society.

people who point out other peoples ( alledged ) personality flaws do so in order to feel important and authorative , it rarely ever has anything to do with a sincere concern for the other person , parents and family are of course the exception ,unless someone is committing a crime of infringing on your rights , thier is nothing more arrogant than thinking its your duty to correct other peoples personality , i cannot abide control freaks
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Old 05-23-2012, 12:00 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 27,536,839 times
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I've heard "hell is here on earth." Sometimes, I believe it.
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