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Old 05-27-2012, 08:45 PM
 
155 posts, read 107,995 times
Reputation: 72

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
There is no law that says you have to be polite but if you choose not to be you won't be doing yourself any favors. You may even run into someone less polite than you...

Not that I believe your story for a minute.

OP, you need more SERIOUS counceling. You have a huge problem with life and bullies are the least of your concerns.
Well, you clearly do not know me very well because it did happen. But it is nice to meet someone who is ESP.
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Old 05-27-2012, 08:55 PM
 
Location: California
29,669 posts, read 32,134,718 times
Reputation: 24815
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macaw1981 View Post
Well, you clearly do not know me very well because it did happen. But it is nice to meet someone who is ESP.
I'm sure you were thinking it.
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Old 05-27-2012, 10:00 PM
 
4,424 posts, read 5,242,040 times
Reputation: 6484
Put the past in your past. Get over it and move on. So what if you cant look people in the eye? Youre shy. Lots of ppl are. Besides nowadays you look some1 in the eye they think youre challenging them to a fight. So take a deep breath, say "im shy" then exhale and say "oh well who cares?" and go live your life in the present not the past.
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Old 05-27-2012, 10:12 PM
 
826 posts, read 1,583,887 times
Reputation: 1298
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macaw1981 View Post
The women at this gym are rude. That was the point I was making. The proper word for them are snobs. I have no problem with people who have more expensive cars...could care less. Show me where it says I have to hold doors for women? Where? There is no law that says I have to be polite.
No. You were rude. Not only did you not hold open the door for people behind you, but when they asked you about it, went straight for the jugular. Insulting a woman's appearance is the worst kind of insult you can level at a woman, and you don't even know them!!!. I bet they were shocked, probably thought you were loco too.

That's not what confidence or standing up to bullies is all about (and it's a stretch to call 50 year old women who did nothing to you except call you out on your behavior snobs). Your behavior to them was not justified one bit. It was incredibly mean. There is something called courtesy. All societies have it. There is also something called the golden rule. Try it sometime
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Old 05-27-2012, 10:45 PM
 
7,497 posts, read 9,346,619 times
Reputation: 7394
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macaw1981 View Post
The women at this gym are rude. That was the point I was making. The proper word for them are snobs. I have no problem with people who have more expensive cars...could care less. Show me where it says I have to hold doors for women? Where? There is no law that says I have to be polite.
If that's what you thought, you should've said "snobs" instead of going on about their appearance. That was counterproductive, but whatever floats your boat.
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Old 05-28-2012, 06:52 AM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,102,185 times
Reputation: 1028
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macaw1981 View Post
The women at this gym are rude. That was the point I was making. The proper word for them are snobs. I have no problem with people who have more expensive cars...could care less. Show me where it says I have to hold doors for women? Where? There is no law that says I have to be polite.
Basically you are advising to stoop to the level of these "rude" people in order to stand up for yourself, right?

I believe it is possible to stand up for yourself with integrity and not stooping to their level. It's a challenge sometimes, but it is possible.
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Old 05-28-2012, 02:40 PM
 
3,632 posts, read 14,436,586 times
Reputation: 1277
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macaw1981 View Post
Are you kidding? It is a dog eat dog world out there and that is just the reality of it. If you choose to be the punching bag and not defend yourself, you have no one to blame for being picked on. I know where this OP has been cause I was there. You are in Phoenix? Ha! Are you a woman with a beer gut that goes to the gym?
Definitely be assertive, but not an ass! Yeah, I was really bummed when I realized you live in phx. Like we need more rude people here.

Like I said to the OP as well, I was teased and bullied my whole childhood, but I eventually did something about it. No beer gut here.

You apparently have issues of anger/resentment if you feel this way. You're still young, maybe you'll figure out life one day. Hopefully.
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Old 05-28-2012, 10:44 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
5,877 posts, read 4,047,574 times
Reputation: 4130
Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
Put the past in your past. Get over it and move on. So what if you cant look people in the eye? Youre shy. Lots of ppl are. Besides nowadays you look some1 in the eye they think youre challenging them to a fight. So take a deep breath, say "im shy" then exhale and say "oh well who cares?" and go live your life in the present not the past.
No offense but that advice is completely unhelpful. It's always easy for everyone else to tell someone to "put the past in the past" but clearly it's not so easy for some of us. I don't think about my past on a regular basis at all but the events of my past have irrevocably reshaped and redefined, to an extent, of who I am. I can't just "forget the past" because every event in the past has a had a hand in shaping who I am now. The past is part of me and I can't simply set it down somewhere and leave it. Not all scars are visible and just because I wasn't physically scarred doesn't mean I don't wear the scars of my past everyday.

I know you're just trying to be helpful and perhaps the OP will find your advice useful but I simply cannot stand that when someone tells me that.
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Old 05-31-2012, 10:57 PM
 
8,195 posts, read 10,291,639 times
Reputation: 7493
Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
Put the past in your past. Get over it and move on. So what if you cant look people in the eye? Youre shy. Lots of ppl are. Besides nowadays you look some1 in the eye they think youre challenging them to a fight. So take a deep breath, say "im shy" then exhale and say "oh well who cares?" and go live your life in the present not the past.
Lots of people apparently have issues with shy people beucase we are potrayed on Tv as the ones who "are nice but one day just explode".
We are looked at as odd in America,unfriendly,cold etc when it isn't true at all.
Americans view eye contact as important,like REALLY important. I know I have had job opportunites pass me by because eye contact is required when interviewing with prospective employers(I never knew the reason why thought) I have practiced looking at people's noses,because that was the advice given to me, but people recognize when you aren't looking at them in the eyes. I do have to put it out there that I'm comfortable with being around some nationalities who don't place emphasis on eye contact,so much that I'm now uncomfortable around other Americans.
I remember some nurses who were up in arms about a Muslim doctor who didn't want the women nurses making eye contact with him,but I would have been comfortable with that.
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Old 05-31-2012, 11:13 PM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 43,464,175 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
Lots of people apparently have issues with shy people beucase we are potrayed on Tv as the ones who "are nice but one day just explode".
We are looked at as odd in America,unfriendly,cold etc when it isn't true at all.
Americans view eye contact as important,like REALLY important. I know I have had job opportunites pass me by because eye contact is required when interviewing with prospective employers(I never knew the reason why thought) I have practiced looking at people's noses,because that was the advice given to me, but people recognize when you aren't looking at them in the eyes. I do have to put it out there that I'm comfortable with being around some nationalities who don't place emphasis on eye contact,so much that I'm now uncomfortable around other Americans.
I remember some nurses who were up in arms about a Muslim doctor who didn't want the women nurses making eye contact with him,but I would have been comfortable with that.
Yeah I used to have problems with eye contact, but now I've grown used to it. There's no other way but practicing it and getting more comfortable. Just enough so the person knows you are engaged.
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