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Old 05-20-2012, 10:26 PM
 
8,195 posts, read 10,205,914 times
Reputation: 7485

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What do I do? Counseling doesn't help. I'm extremely shy,actually painfully shy. I can't look others in the eye too long. I wasn't always like this,but it started at 12,about the same time I started getting bullied by literally everyone,from siblings,teachers,and students,my mom,and aunts and uncles too. I was considered very ugly,and I haven't gotten over it. I have crying bouts all the time,and I have no friends. I'm surprised I am able to work,but it seems to keep my mind off things.

I am actually still bullied for the same thing,and I think that's the worst part to handle for me. I have been able to forget about the bullying incidents from school for about 4 days at a time,but something triggers it,like a stranger saying something mean to me,or a rude cashier,or a coworker talking about me.
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Old 05-20-2012, 10:56 PM
 
3,632 posts, read 14,392,652 times
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I don't understand how "counseling doesn't help"? How long did you attend? Did you follow the advice they gave you? A huge part of counseling is doing what is instructed. I'm not talking too much about going back in the past, I'm talking about cognitive behavioral therapy. It works wonders. Your mind is allowing you to become triggered. We are triggered when WE allow it. We can't allow our mind to do what it wants. We have to have control of it.

I was bullied daily from k-12. I was overweight and not "pretty". I changed that when I became an adult. I lost weight and became attractive. I didn't want to be looked at like that any longer. Oh, and I became a therapist. So, I worked on the outside AND the inside. Nowadays, I'm a fairly confident, outgoing, social person.

It sounds like you need to take control of your life. You are imprisioning yourself and you don't have to. BE the person you want to be, not who you have been.
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Old 05-20-2012, 11:23 PM
 
Location: Out West
20,584 posts, read 15,415,894 times
Reputation: 24146
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
What do I do? Counseling doesn't help. I'm extremely shy,actually painfully shy. I can't look others in the eye too long. I wasn't always like this,but it started at 12,about the same time I started getting bullied by literally everyone,from siblings,teachers,and students,my mom,and aunts and uncles too. I was considered very ugly,and I haven't gotten over it. I have crying bouts all the time,and I have no friends. I'm surprised I am able to work,but it seems to keep my mind off things.

I am actually still bullied for the same thing,and I think that's the worst part to handle for me. I have been able to forget about the bullying incidents from school for about 4 days at a time,but something triggers it,like a stranger saying something mean to me,or a rude cashier,or a coworker talking about me.
Rude cashiers, coworkers, strangers...they're all a bunch of aholes anyway and are rude to pretty much everyone, so don't take that personally.

As for people who are still bullying you...who the hell is doing this at your age? And why do you allow it to affect you? Is it your family members? If so, do they KNOW that their words are hurtful? What do they hope to gain by speaking to you in such a way? Have you asked them that? What is the point of that?

Is it professors or fellow students? To hell with them. If you are in school, you're there to get an education and they can go pound sand. Who cares what they think.

People who treat you like that are not worth your time, EVEN family members! It's abusive and you do not have to put up with it. However, you need to make the choice not to put up with it. You're gonna have to start finding things in yourself that you do like, focus on those, every day, and build up your confidence little by little. You should also spend time doing what you like to do. The more you focus on your positives, the more you do things that make you happy, the more confidence you will get and the more strength you will find to tell these losers to go jump in a lake.

Seriously, though, focus on what you like about yourself and don't even listen to those people. Clearly they are not happy people and their attempts to deflect their feelings about themselves on to you is pitiful.
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Old 05-21-2012, 08:24 AM
 
2,365 posts, read 2,131,391 times
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@jerseygal, we recetly started a thread about this:
Adult Bullies
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Old 05-21-2012, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Tampa bay
1,014 posts, read 1,249,601 times
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I think group therapy would help.

but for Me I have a lot of issues mentally and I am the only one who can help myself
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Old 05-21-2012, 09:32 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,090,267 times
Reputation: 1026
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
What do I do? Counseling doesn't help. I'm extremely shy,actually painfully shy. I can't look others in the eye too long. I wasn't always like this,but it started at 12,about the same time I started getting bullied by literally everyone,from siblings,teachers,and students,my mom,and aunts and uncles too. I was considered very ugly,and I haven't gotten over it. I have crying bouts all the time,and I have no friends. I'm surprised I am able to work,but it seems to keep my mind off things.

I am actually still bullied for the same thing,and I think that's the worst part to handle for me. I have been able to forget about the bullying incidents from school for about 4 days at a time,but something triggers it,like a stranger saying something mean to me,or a rude cashier,or a coworker talking about me.
I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. How much counseling have you tried? Are you bullied at work, or are these strangers saying these things to you other places?

Perhaps you would feel slightly more empowered if you came up with some combacks to these comments in order to give it back to them a little.

I can't stand that some people think they have the right to make hurtful remarks to others for no good reason.
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Old 05-21-2012, 10:39 PM
 
4,043 posts, read 2,889,675 times
Reputation: 1948
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
What do I do? Counseling doesn't help. I'm extremely shy,actually painfully shy. I can't look others in the eye too long. I wasn't always like this,but it started at 12,about the same time I started getting bullied by literally everyone,from siblings,teachers,and students,my mom,and aunts and uncles too. I was considered very ugly,and I haven't gotten over it. I have crying bouts all the time,and I have no friends. I'm surprised I am able to work,but it seems to keep my mind off things.

I am actually still bullied for the same thing,and I think that's the worst part to handle for me. I have been able to forget about the bullying incidents from school for about 4 days at a time,but something triggers it,like a stranger saying something mean to me,or a rude cashier,or a coworker talking about me.
Do you resent the people when they say rude or mean things to you? I would think so because it's hard not to at times like that.

IF you can not resent and just matter-of-factly speak up for yourself, right back at them it can be very freeing, in fact healing. I'm not exaggerating. Sure, it's hard to speak up at first but...it's often the resentment that we feel at them that is making it so hard for us to look them right in the eyes and speak as bluntly as they did, correcting them for their rudeness.

I don't know if I can help you but if you can make yourself get a bucket load of guts and do this....right after reminding yourself to NOT resent them for it, heck, they, too have weaknesses and maybe were bullied, too, so they are on auto-pilot, being rude to you but they don't mean to be....then this reminder to yourself that they're helpless, too....

can help you not resent them, and then you'll see! It will be easier to speak up to them, and walk away, and feel so dang good, that it'll free you. (that's how it has worked for me.....wishing you well!)
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Old 05-22-2012, 12:32 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
1,105 posts, read 2,735,794 times
Reputation: 2097
All counseling isn't helpful. It has to be the right counseling and the right counselor. If you get that and do the work only you can do it WILL help. Counseling will teach you how to deal with these situations, how to start to overcome your shyness and how to get stronger so that you can manage life better. It won't remove the pain of the abuse you've been through but it will teach you how to manage it so it won't hurt you so much. Even if you've tried it before please give it another shot. Nothing will change if you don't get help. You can't change it alone. If you could you would have done it. As someone else suggested, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works very well with these kinds of problems. Find a therapist that does this kind of therapy and make sure that you are comfortable with him or her. If you're not you won't feel comfortable enough to open up which will make the therapy useless. If you don't like your first therapist get another one and a third if need be. This is extremely important. It's about the rest of your life. It can get better but you have to take action to start making it better. It CAN get better.
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Old 05-22-2012, 11:52 AM
 
4,762 posts, read 10,224,033 times
Reputation: 7792
If you live in a big city, go visit some rural small towns. The people can be a LOT nicer!

As for myself, if someone has only negative things to say to me, I walk away from them in mid-sentence. They stand there with their mouth hanging open!

If people have nice positive things to say to me, then I am happy to chat with them for hours. But if negativity is the only thing which can come out of their mouth, then I have no time for them. I have better things to do. Life is short. I prefer to live mine in a positive environment.
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Old 05-26-2012, 08:41 PM
 
8,195 posts, read 10,205,914 times
Reputation: 7485
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy_J View Post
If you live in a big city, go visit some rural small towns. The people can be a LOT nicer!

As for myself, if someone has only negative things to say to me, I walk away from them in mid-sentence. They stand there with their mouth hanging open!

If people have nice positive things to say to me, then I am happy to chat with them for hours. But if negativity is the only thing which can come out of their mouth, then I have no time for them. I have better things to do. Life is short. I prefer to live mine in a positive environment.
I tried that,and it didn't work. What does work for me is going into a big city like San Fran and Nyc. For some reason,I found them to more than likely engage in conversation and small talk than rural folks.
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