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Old 05-24-2012, 01:44 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,709 posts, read 22,756,161 times
Reputation: 17451

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
You can't pick your family. Why is she like that? I don't know. She blames me, for her life being a train wreck. She has never been very successful at work, or in her relationships. She holds grudges forever. Everything is always someone elses fault. She frequently bangs things around, and gets mad that others don't know what is bothering her...like people are supposed to be mind readers?

You'll never know whats bothering her, bc she doesn't know either.

I'm with Trimac, I don't see how you tolerate the abuses.

I've read some of you're other posts with concerns in mental health. If you don't mind my asking... Do you have siblings to help out, or handle this alone?
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:59 AM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,440,508 times
Reputation: 25990
Nope. Just me. She is a sad person. And isolated. She acts like this...and then wonders why she is alone...

Typical.
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Old 05-26-2012, 08:40 AM
 
Location: Europe, in the Land of the mean
942 posts, read 1,489,674 times
Reputation: 637
People who are difficult/bad often think they aren't. They're often stubborn ,aggressive and blame everything on you to the point where you even doubt yourself (not that it works on me because I don't state something unless I am certain of it ).Remember that fools rush in when angels fear to tread/say something....
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Old 05-26-2012, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
5,877 posts, read 4,022,159 times
Reputation: 4130
I always label my mother in law as passive-aggressive but I always wonder if that's the correct label. My mother in law will always say she likes something we suggest but if we later change our minds she'll be like "yeah I thought was a stupid idea in the first place and wondered why you thought it was a good idea." This drives my wife nuts. She'll also take thinly veiled shots at almost everything my wife does but she'll disguise it as "friendly advice" but almost nothing anyone does is good enough.
She's so sugary and sweet outwardly but it's all an act. We're always doing something wrong in her eyes..it's almost like she's in some phantom parenting competition with my wife. It's like she tears down my wife's parenting in an attempt to make her feel better about her own parenting. And when she doesn't like someone or something she just gets faker and "nicer." The more "nice" she is about something the more she doesn't like it. It just drives me nuts. I come from a family of saying what you mean and getting it all out there. Her whole family is driven by the "cold shoulder" method and it's frustrating.
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Old 05-28-2012, 11:26 AM
 
3,269 posts, read 4,659,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
What are key ingredients of a passive-aggressive person?
I'm unaware of all the hallmarks, but a HUGE one is horrid and I mean HORRID listening skills. When you speak to them, they rarely look you in the eye. The reason they do this is simple: They are already formulating how they're going to respond to you while you are talking, effectively dismissing your words and any point you're trying to get across.

If they do look you in the eye, there's a vibe of disgust, disrespect, scorn, etc.

You see, it takes a positive/active vibe to listen/care. A passive-aggressive person is rarely positive! Ever notice that? Very negative people. Oh yes, another thing. They are not articulate. Some have verbal limitations and/or limitations expressing themselves on paper (The former more so than the latter).
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Old 05-29-2012, 12:05 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 43,116,816 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grimace8 View Post
I'm unaware of all the hallmarks, but a HUGE one is horrid and I mean HORRID listening skills. When you speak to them, they rarely look you in the eye. The reason they do this is simple: They are already formulating how they're going to respond to you while you are talking, effectively dismissing your words and any point you're trying to get across.

If they do look you in the eye, there's a vibe of disgust, disrespect, scorn, etc.

You see, it takes a positive/active vibe to listen/care. A passive-aggressive person is rarely positive! Ever notice that? Very negative people. Oh yes, another thing. They are not articulate. Some have verbal limitations and/or limitations expressing themselves on paper (The former more so than the latter).
What about those who say the same old things, often negative. Like they have catch-phrases. Of if you try to argue with them about something, they always bring it back to you, change the subject, even if it's totally unrelated.
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Old 05-29-2012, 04:02 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,709 posts, read 22,756,161 times
Reputation: 17451
Quote:
Originally Posted by grimace8 View Post
I'm unaware of all the hallmarks, but a HUGE one is horrid and I mean HORRID listening skills. When you speak to them, they rarely look you in the eye. The reason they do this is simple: They are already formulating how they're going to respond to you while you are talking, effectively dismissing your words and any point you're trying to get across.

If they do look you in the eye, there's a vibe of disgust, disrespect, scorn, etc.

You see, it takes a positive/active vibe to listen/care. A passive-aggressive person is rarely positive! Ever notice that? Very negative people. Oh yes, another thing. They are not articulate. Some have verbal limitations and/or limitations expressing themselves on paper (The former more so than the latter).
I partially agree, they do hear you. They'll never look at you while you speak or when they speak to you, this would show some degree of respect and interest they don't have.

Any verbal limitation is just another way of saying...."I didn't hear you, I don't care".
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Old 05-29-2012, 04:22 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,633 posts, read 64,111,757 times
Reputation: 68371
Passive-aggressives behave in a way that sets everyone else up to be at fault. They don't take responsibility for their own mistakes or their own emotions, even, and set others up to be the bad guy.
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Old 05-29-2012, 04:31 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,525 posts, read 42,694,765 times
Reputation: 57174
My friend has an annoying habit of never making a decision for herself, then blaming others. For example, she asks her husband what kind of wine she should order, so then when she doesn't like it she can blame her husband.
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Old 05-29-2012, 05:11 AM
 
3,269 posts, read 4,659,544 times
Reputation: 1373
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
My friend has an annoying habit of never making a decision for herself, then blaming others. For example, she asks her husband what kind of wine she should order, so then when she doesn't like it she can blame her husband.
I know someone like that. He's a gay male. Always asking what should he do (at almost 40 yrs old) However everyone who knows him would never classify him as passive-aggressive. More like weak and obviously neurotic. Always looking for sycophants instead of true friends. Doesn't like hearing the truth
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