I just realized something, we need to learn to accept hate! (mentally, abusive) - Emotional health, personality, intelligence, anxieties, self esteem... - Page 2 - City-Data Forum

looking4answers12 · 06-03-2012, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CArizona

I grew-up in a family with a wide-range of emotions...It was okay to "get mad" or cry or disagree with someone. This was all part of being "real" and honest...By the same token it was also okay to laugh and have fun and "cut loose" in playful ways too. All emotions were "allowed" in other words...I learned that relationships can involve all kinds of "weather." Sometimes we may go through a few "bad storms." But the "storms" don't usually last forever...When the rain stops the air is clear and fresh again. (At least for awhile.) And sometimes we may see a beautiful rainbow in the sky to signal that the "storm" and turmoil has ended...I don't want to hate anyone. But sometimes I feel "upset" with people for awhile for various reasons. Why do I feel hurt or mad or disappointed? What's going on? I try to process my feelings and get the "troubling emotions" out of my system. (Versus holding everything inside and becoming "constipated!")...And in the end I try to look at all sides to the equation. (Instead of just focusing on "my side" only.).. I need to look at a "bigger picture" in order to "heal" and forgive and "mend fences." I don't want to get stuck in anger or hatred and wind-up as a bitter and "hard" and cynical person who isn't even capable of loving anyone anymore.

I think most emotions were shunned in my family. This is part of the reason, I suppose that I was labeled "the baby" and the "sensitive one", among other things. I was also the youngest, so of course that added to "the baby" label. Ugh.

It was important to me, to make sure my children knew it was okay to have emotions and even to express them. What I strived for, was to teach them "it's okay to be angry, it's just not okay be rude about it".
I still believe that. I'm not sure how sucessful I was in teaching them that lesson. Kids don't always listen to their parents. I am still hoping that it sunk in some way some how.

looking4answers12 · 06-03-2012, 01:52 PM

Trimac,

Is it possible you are confusing hate with anger?

CArizona · 06-05-2012, 12:05 AM

looking4answers12...Sorry that you got picked-on for being sensitive and having feelings when you were growing-up. Good that you've been different with your own kids...I have a friend who is facing some pretty "heavy stuff" in her life right now but she won't let herself "feel much." (Because she grew-up in a family where emotions were "taboo" and her husband did too.) So they both hold everything tightly "inside."...My friend walks around as "stiff" as a "board." She looks like she might "crack-up" at any time. It's sad. I've been worried about her. But she just can't let anything "out." She feels obligated to pretend that she's "fine." (No matter what!)..My Dad was this way after my Mom passed away. He felt like he was suppose to be "above" his emotions. Sadly his mind "split-apart" before long and he developed Alzheimers.

Trimac20 · 06-06-2012, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by looking4answers12

Trimac,

Is it possible you are confusing hate with anger?

Perhaps yes, hate is a pretty strong word.

I can honestly say I don't personally hate anybody. It feels good to say that. People anger me from time to time, but I can't imagining feeling an abiding hostility strong enough I'd call it hatred.

AnywhereElse · 06-06-2012, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trimac20

Perhaps yes, hate is a pretty strong word.

I can honestly say I don't personally hate anybody. It feels good to say that. People anger me from time to time, but I can't imagining feeling an abiding hostility strong enough I'd call it hatred.

Me either, I don't hate anyone. I just don't think that I have ever felt hatred toward a person and I have known a lot of people and a few really were not too desirable. I find it difficult to accept people in my "circle" who use the word "hate".

Trimac20 · 06-06-2012, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

Me either, I don't hate anyone. I just don't think that I have ever felt hatred toward a person and I have known a lot of people and a few really were not too desirable. I find it difficult to accept people in my "circle" who use the word "hate".

Me too...it's frightening how quick people are to hate, or at least put on a show/express their hatred towards somebody.

I hope I'm imagining things, but it almost seems some people want to FIND a REASON to hate. That they ENJOY hating people.

CArizona · 06-08-2012, 07:24 AM

I think hatred and bigotry is a by-product of "black and white" or "all or nothing" type of thinking and belief-systems etc...Same goes for "good versus evil" type of beliefs. Or "absolutes."...As far as I'm concerned there are no "absolutes." I can live to be 100 (or longer) and I still won't have all of the "pieces" to the "puzzle" of life! And I still won't be able to see every conceiveable "side."...When someone "screws me over" (in one way or another) of course I feel hurt and upset and mad. (Because I'm human!) And I feel I have a "right" to my feelings...But then what? What comes next? I try to look at a "bigger picture" and "equation."...After my emotions have calmed down I can be more objective...What really "happened" and "why?" What do I need to "own" and learn from the situation? What is the other person's "side" and possible motivations?...I don't just label someone "bad" or "evil" and leave it at that! Same goes for myself...What did I do "wrong?" What do I regret? Where was my "head" when I "screwed-up" and made mistakes? What motivated me to be hurtful or "blind-sided?" ...I can't really learn much or grow or "profit" from my experiences in life if I rely on "black and white thinking." My "answers" and "insights" come from stepping outside the "box" and delving into the "shades of grey."

callmemaybe · 06-10-2012, 01:29 AM

Like Dave Chappelle said, "If you have hate in your heart, let it out!" lmfao

crisan · 06-12-2012, 07:03 AM

I agree that people should allow to have their feelings. However, that doesn't mean I have to put up with them.

As far as keeping it real, I don't let out the hate. In fact, I don't have hate for anybody or myself. I believe hate to be the last emotion that people experience while ignoring all others before that. I guess I see it as immaturity or lack of guidance.

It is not in anybody's interest to let out hate. If somebody did it to me, I would simply walk away. The hateful person would see me as not caring or "being told off". In fact, I do care. I don't want our relationship damaged beyond repair even if that means years of estrangement.

Trimac20 · 06-12-2012, 08:51 AM

I also find that truly trying to understand somebody/or the reasons for their thinking or acts neutralizes 90% of hate I feel. Often hate is a knee-jerk, almost instinctive reaction (which I believe is related to fear). Surges of hate, sure I think most people feel that from time to time, but prolonged, seething anger? Heck I can barely the muster the energy to feel that way anymore. Any pleasure I might've got from hating someone seems to have quite thankfully left me now.