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How can we discuss our feelings and our problems without coming across as "super negative?"...When possible I try to avoid "snide remarks" and nasty sarcasm. It doesn't make me feel good to just blurt out mean things about other people and make it "okay." (I end-up feeling guilty about doing it!)...But there have been times when I reached a "boiling point" and just said what I felt about someone in a "negative way." (But normally this doesn't happen very often unless someone has been extremely abusive and "degrading" towards me.)...Later on, (after I calm down), I am usually more level-headed and I can talk about the person and the situation in a more constructive way...How about you? How would you define "being negative?" And "negative conversation?"
Well, I'm going to tell you the only thing that works for me: stop caring. I'm serious.
Personally I got really fu*king fed up and tired of people trying to dictate how I should think and express myself. They are constantly are at the ready to tell you how to think about your own situation, but have no god*damn solutions to anything. So in that case they should just keep their mouths shut...... I don't go around 'sharing' my issues with people that don't ask. If they don't want to know, they need to stop asking. The ironic thing about it all is, they are not telling you to 'stop being negative' for yourself, they are saying it because they do not want to be around it. LOL. Well excuse, me. Go somewhere else then. If I had something to be positive about, I probably would be. If they have things to be positive about in their life, good for them otherwise has nothing to do with me.
One of the reasons I don't want to walk around in a "negative state" all the time is because it keeps "stirring-up" anger inside of me. And all of the anger just sits inside of me and "rots away."...Basically I hurt myself most of all when I hold-on to anger and blame and resentment all of the time and "stay negative."...And I guess there's a part of me that wants to find reasons to "be happy" anyway. (Even though life can be "tough" and "rough" and disappointing.)...Sometimes I cringe when I'm around "negative people" and "negative talk" all the time. It "poisons" the air and atmosphere and I feel like running far, far away!...It's not that I "don't care." I have a lot of empathy and compassion for other people because I've sure been through a lot of major "ups" and "downs" in my life too. (So I can relate to trauma and abuse and "losses" and deaths and divorces and financial woes and cancer and major illnesses and "you name it!")...I like to show respect for other people when I discuss my "issues" and problems. I don't want to be a "downer" and just "dump stuff" on others without regard for their feelings too. ....Someone can be working hard to "stay up" despite all the problems they are facing at the time. And someone else can come along and "vent" their "troubles" in a "negative way" and basically "ruin the day" for everyone around them.
Try to stay away from toxic negative people, and people who give unsolicited advice. I dont dump my stuff on others IRL, and hope others IRL will not do this to me.
Negative phone calls are the worst, you ever have a "friend" who calls to dump all their problems on you, and doesnt listen to one word you say?. btdt. never again.
I guess it depends on your expectations. In my social circles, we do complain about people but we usually do it only once. After that, it is up to the complainer to do something about it or not.
If somebody is complaining, we just assume that our friend is frustrated and needs to vent to figure things out. That is the kind of support we give.
I know I have frustrated people before and it would be nice to know they have people who care enough to listen before they come to me.
It also depends on other things, for example:
1. Was I invited? I don't confront other guests. I just don't invite them to my house, etc.
2. Am I at a workplace? I don't get personal with co-workers even if they get personal with me.
Try to stay away from toxic negative people, and people who give unsolicited advice. I dont dump my stuff on others IRL, and hope others IRL will not do this to me.
Negative phone calls are the worst, you ever have a "friend" who calls to dump all their problems on you, and doesnt listen to one word you say?. btdt. never again.
I actually had to change my number to get away from a very old school friend like this.
Well, I'm going to tell you the only thing that works for me: stop caring. I'm serious.
Personally I got really fu*king fed up and tired of people trying to dictate how I should think and express myself. They are constantly are at the ready to tell you how to think about your own situation, but have no god*damn solutions to anything. So in that case they should just keep their mouths shut...... I don't go around 'sharing' my issues with people that don't ask. If they don't want to know, they need to stop asking. The ironic thing about it all is, they are not telling you to 'stop being negative' for yourself, they are saying it because they do not want to be around it. LOL. Well excuse, me. Go somewhere else then. If I had something to be positive about, I probably would be. If they have things to be positive about in their life, good for them otherwise has nothing to do with me.
You know what I hate? Miss Pollyanna Sunshine who says "come on, we've got to get you out of this funk" when you didn't even think you were IN a funk...you're just dealing with a load of OPC.
Then a week later same "friend" is carrying on like her worlds about to end over a minor insignificant hiccup in her very comfortable life.
Try walkin in my heels sweetheart, before you tell me how to "be".
You know what I hate? Miss Pollyanna Sunshine who says "come on, we've got to get you out of this funk" when you didn't even think you were IN a funk...you're just dealing with a load of OPC.
Then a week later same "friend" is carrying on like her worlds about to end over a minor insignificant hiccup in her very comfortable life.
Try walkin in my heels sweetheart, before you tell me how to "be".
yes! people like that really get under your skin. I do not like the types that sit there and say 'well I had problem XYZ and I got through it.' OKAY good for you. I don't know where they gets this idea that they overcame something in life, so everybody else can too. No, you overcame something in life -- leave it at that.
As a Mom I tried to teach my kids that it wasn't okay to throw "temper-tantrums" or go on "tirades" just because things didn't always go "their way."...I wanted to "be there" for them when they had problems or needed to share their feelings about something. But I didn't want to be a "doormat" or "whipping post" either...I expected them to show respect for me and others. And I've always tried to be the same way too...When someone is "mad as hell" and full of anger and "venom" and vindictiveness it's hard to know what to say. The person might "direct" their anger at us at any time. Who knows? It just doesn't feel "safe" to be around people who hold on to their anger for "dear life." They seem arrogant and self-righteous versus caring and respectful of others. (Like kids who were never taught manners or proper boundaries.)...If someone shares their feelings and problems in a more respectful and modest and humble way it's easy to stick-around and listen and "be there" for them. The situation and atmosphere seems "safe" and comfortable. (Not full of "explosives" and "field mines!")
As a Mom I tried to teach my kids that it wasn't okay to throw "temper-tantrums" or go on "tirades" just because things didn't always go "their way."...I wanted to "be there" for them when they had problems or needed to share their feelings about something. But I didn't want to be a "doormat" or "whipping post" either...I expected them to show respect for me and others. And I've always tried to be the same way too...When someone is "mad as hell" and full of anger and "venom" and vindictiveness it's hard to know what to say. The person might "direct" their anger at us at any time. Who knows? It just doesn't feel "safe" to be around people who hold on to their anger for "dear life." They seem arrogant and self-righteous versus caring and respectful of others. (Like kids who were never taught manners or proper boundaries.)...If someone shares their feelings and problems in a more respectful and modest and humble way it's easy to stick-around and listen and "be there" for them. The situation and atmosphere seems "safe" and comfortable. (Not full of "explosives" and "field mines!")
if they are so God awful then cut them out your life then and move on.
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to anything. So in that case they should just keep their mouths shut...... I don't go around 'sharing' my issues with people that don't ask. If they don't want to know, they need to stop asking. The ironic thing about it all is, they are not telling you to 'stop being negative' for yourself, they are saying it because they do not want to be around it. LOL. Well excuse, me. Go somewhere else then. If I had something to be positive about, I probably would be. If they have things to be positive about in their life, good for them otherwise has nothing to do with me.
