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I honestly don't know where some posters got the idea you hated kids? I couldn't agree more with the examples you provided that those two over-extended their mommy card. How I hate that, too.
Thank you.
I can't wait to have my own. But when I do, I'm not going to hang out on social networking sites posting all day, giving off the impression I'm free and due for a night on the town, and then when an old friend invites me somewhere, act like I'm too good. Or go out of my way to make it obvious I'm avoiding them. I suspect I'll be far too busy (and blessed!) to be playing those kinds of games.
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I look at my sister who has two girls. Oh, how I love them and sis and her husband go out of their way to be the best parents they know how to be. They must be doing something right, b/c the girls are awesome. (I don't think I'm completely biased!)
Sometimes, when the girls were younger, it was difficult to talk to her on the phone but for the most part, she wanted to make sure I was included in their life. She might say "I forgot your birthday...I'm crazy busy but you know I love you." See? There's a difference between stating a fact about being busy and giving an excuse, as the OP's "friends" did.
I agree in some ways that if you were a jerk before, you'll likely be when you start a family, but I've seen mostly normal people turn into self-righteous hypocrites once they have children. I'm not a child hater but the first time someone thinks that they're more important because they had a kid (and that somehow I'm not as important), then yea, you're an all-time jerk and I won't consider you much of a friend anymore.
I have an inlaw, who I love very much, much she shields her children from us (her brother & I). She doesn't invite me to my nephews birthday parties b/c I don't have kids. How freaking insulting. Or sometimes when she's talking about an event or something she's interested in, she ignores me or goes out of her way to not include me, because I don't have kids. One might say, as was suggested, that they just don't like me. This is very possible. But what a seriously crummy way to express this: I'm going to act like I like you and then turn around and avoid you and make silly statements like "I'm just too busy with the boys". I can smell that steaming pile a mile away.
What can I say? There are always going to be parents who defend their attitude and never see it for what it is...and then there are those parents, like my sister, that I admire. Has nothing to do with the kids.
Yep, some people are just jerks, plain and simple, which then extends into mommyhood where their children then become pawns in their lame games too.
Example 1 in particular has kind of a long history of treating me as "less than" because I don't have a family yet. Just shady little twerpy things she says and does. In a lot of ways she's no different than she was when we were 12.
Most of my mom friends don't act this way at all. So it's no big deal. And the negative responses are no big deal either. I opened myself up for that ridiculousness by starting the thread. Attacking me personally and just implying I'm unlikeable. Awesome.... sell that one to the friends I hang out with regularly, some of whom are moms. And the "needy" thing.... I sincerely hope they remember that the next time they're left hanging for 24 hours or longer on an answer, a call, an e-mail, etc.
Maybe the person just doesn't like you and you're just being needy, huh?
Applause to your sister. My childhood best friend is one of the moms I admire most. She is a mom of three. (More than either of the examples I talked about.) Through good genes, she's kept a really nice figure (unlike the two examples who are between 250 and 300 lbs. probably). She hardly ever posts on Facebook, but once in a while, she DOES take the time to notice what's going on with me and ask me questions about my life, when she does get the chance to post. Or just takes the time to like my statuses. (Note: I really don't post a great deal either; fairly regularly, but not excessively.) There is absolutely ZERO pretentiousness from her about being a wife and mother. That's another thing, she's also married to the love of her life. Examples 1 is a single mom (maybe she's needy and no man likes her), and Example 2, well.... it's not her soulmate. He almost left her when she was pregnant because he "wasn't ready".. lol.
A true mommy star.
As for the other two? Uh, stay cool and kind, ladies. You always have your good looks to fall back on...
The friend with the movie was outright rude. She should have gotten back to you to let you know. And it was perfectly acceptable to follow up with asking her and then when she was non-commital make other plans. That was an ideal way to handle it. If she'd made the plans and then had to cancel because of her child's illness, I'd try to be understanding, because that does happen sometimes. But it sounds like she wasn't committing one way or other even before her child got sick, which is rude.
The medical issue is another story. I don't have kids. Sometimes I'll take awhile to reply to messages on Facebook even if I'm posting status updates or links. My updates/links tend to be very lighthearted and don't take much in the way of thought or sensitivity. In contrast if someone's sent me a message about something sensitive, I may take longer to reply in order to give it some thought so it's a thoughtful and sensitive reply. I think you were both a little wrong. You could have gone with something more low key, like "have you had a chance to look at my message" vs. accusing her of ignoring your message and confronting her with the "evidence" that she was posting other stuff on MySpace. She probably felt defensive and pulled the mommy card instead of just saying, "I'm sorry I didn't get right back to you, I wanted to take some time to send you a thoughtful reply". Also, if it's an issue she's dealing with, she may not have wanted to deal with it. But she should have just said so instead of pulling the mommy card.
I suppose there are childless women who also make excuses but don't have the children to use as scapegoats, so what it boils down to is that person's individual personality. It does seem from your explanations that it was easier for them to use the kids as an excuse to be inconsiderate and rude- it's crummy all the way around!!
It sounds like when you do have kids, you know how you want to be. There will be adjustments, to be sure, but you know how much it hurt when other moms did it to you, so you won't be that way. YAY!!
"But my life is SOOOOO hard as a MOMMY! I have no time to do anything!".
I have a one yr old, work full-time and go to school full-time and still have time to do a lot of things. There is no excuse.
It's true. Motherhood doesn't change you. Despite the fact that I am only 20, I have two kids. And I have time to do things that I want - but I still take care of them.
I really resent a lot of the current attitude toward parenting. What about my grandmother, who took care of 5 kids under the age of 6 while my grandpa was off fighting in WWII, took care of a farm without a lot of the time saving devices we have today, and still had time to get hair done? Seriously. Its hard to have kids and sometimes you might lose your mind a little, but come on. I have no patience for wimpy excuses. Get it together ladies.
Yes. Absolutely. Raunchy comedienne Lisa Lampanelli also ripped into soccer moms during one of her routines.
She said: 'You know, those soccer moms, somewhere between the age of 35 and (four-letter "c" word).' The audience was dying laughing. Her New York area accent helps her get her point across all that much more!
For some reason, women today think parenting is the "hardest job you'll ever have". They think the world should revolve around the children. When did it become the parents' job to make sure the kids were happy and manage every aspect of their lives? Pastthemiddle makes a good point: In the past, adults didn't have the time to wrap themselves around the kids.
There were 5 children in our family. My parents went out (My dad in a suit, my mom in a dress, heels and makeup) on a regular basis. We had a babysitter (a WHAT???). They often played cards with friends who lived near, rotating between three houses. My mother NEVER went shopping with any of us. She would go when Dad was home. Nobody entertained us and we didn't have much to play with, only 40 acres of ground and a barn as we were outside all the time.
My dad worked and my mother kept the house, cooked, read books, visited with her sister who lived nearby, enjoyed gardening, and intervened with us only when necessary. All of the families lived much like we did, and guess what!! We all grew up well adjusted, intelligent, independent, and capable. Go figure.
Yes. Absolutely. Raunchy comedienne Lisa Lampanelli also ripped into soccer moms during one of her routines.
She said: 'You know, those soccer moms, somewhere between the age of 35 and (four-letter "c" word).' The audience was dying laughing. Her New York area accent helps her get her point across all that much more!
Hahaha!
I'm glad the whole thing happened because it teaches me how I never want to parent. If people ask me what is up with me, my goal is to be able to formulate an interesting answer that involves my children.... and an answer that doesn't.
a great many people hid behind their children and use children as pawns to get what they want from the government and relatives. bargaining chips in manipulation games.
Nothing more irritating and jerkish than a mother looking at the father - as a brood of kids sit watching...and her saying "WE don't need you around" - Where is this WE thing coming from- Did the kids cast ballots and elect the woman as spokesperson?
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