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Old 07-27-2012, 11:02 AM
 
588 posts, read 860,511 times
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I've noticed that some people put whatever emotion/feeling/thought they're having on me. For example, my friend will ask, "Are you mad at me?" when actually SHE'S upset about something I've done. Or a person who's defensive constantly explaining all his actions to me when I don't need to know. Has anyone encountered this? Is it exhausting constantly reassuring someone that you're fine and he/she's the one with the issue?
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Old 07-27-2012, 11:53 AM
 
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Oh yes!

My favorite is when someone accuses me of being dishonest or of stealing something/cheating at a game. Or implying I would do such a thing.

In fact I am quite honest and don't steal things/cheat. And the person doing the accusing is revealing quite a bit about themselves!

Anyway the best way to handle these people is to be "assertive". That is repeat the same exact words over and over...

I am not mad at you!
[they say something]

I am not mad at you!
[they say something]

I am not mad at you!

3 times usually does the trick.
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Old 07-27-2012, 02:56 PM
 
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You are hilarious!! That is so true, though. I'm an aspiring author, and my friend keeps coming up with negative scenarios like, "What if your book doesn't sell? It is about race, a sensitive subject." Or "How are you going to pay the bills if you get sick with no insurance?" when I was thinking of changing to a self-employed status. But these were things she was terrified of, as she's been at the same job for so many years and has pretty much led a stable life...nothing at all wrong with that, however; she's the smart one when it comes to stability
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Old 07-27-2012, 04:25 PM
 
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You seem to be a polite person & a good listener so thats why people might feel comfortable sharing their feelings with you. Some people are like sounding board. Just sharing our problems with such people will lead us to answers since they dont interrupt our train of thought & hijack the conversation. Therapists are trained to be good listeners.
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Old 07-27-2012, 04:33 PM
 
Location: earth?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mia25 View Post
You are hilarious!! That is so true, though. I'm an aspiring author, and my friend keeps coming up with negative scenarios like, "What if your book doesn't sell? It is about race, a sensitive subject." Or "How are you going to pay the bills if you get sick with no insurance?" when I was thinking of changing to a self-employed status. But these were things she was terrified of, as she's been at the same job for so many years and has pretty much led a stable life...nothing at all wrong with that, however; she's the smart one when it comes to stability
Can you ask your friend to support your efforts? I mean, that's what friends are for, right? You need a good cheerleading section when you are taking on a big project - not people who will shoot your dreams down . . .maybe see if you can make a pact with her to support each other - and good luck on your book, by the way!
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Old 07-27-2012, 04:36 PM
 
Location: earth?
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To address the issue: Some people are hypersensitive to negative affect and vibes - or what they perceive as negative affect . . .

I hope I don't project my negative feelings onto others, but sometimes, it APPEARS someone might be in a bad mood and in the past, I would inquire about it . . .now, not so much because it's a dead-end to confront someone in a bad mood.
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Old 07-27-2012, 04:37 PM
 
Location: southern california
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projection is not usually the case. if you look irritated or upset people will ask, it generally does not mean a projection.
usually the projection part is when they try to 2nd guess why u r upset or assume it bek of them.
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Old 07-27-2012, 05:23 PM
 
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Hmmm...interesting...
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Old 07-27-2012, 07:09 PM
 
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Yeah, I can see your point, imcurious. I'll be the first to ask if someone's upset or seems edgy. Yet I'm one of those annoying perky people, where you pretty much have to set me on fire to get me down. Sooo, I don't know. I just don't know.
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Old 07-28-2012, 12:27 AM
 
5,906 posts, read 5,369,209 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
projection is not usually the case. if you look irritated or upset people will ask, it generally does not mean a projection.
usually the projection part is when they try to 2nd guess why u r upset or assume it bek of them.
^^This.

There is also something to be said for someone who IS obviously upset or irritated who, when asked if they ARE upset, immediately react with accusations of "projection". My daughter's friend does it. I find it to be the mark of a drama queen.
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