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Something I've noticed, and that's happened to me: When a person in need (financially, emotionally or physically) is helped by someone, that individual develops a crush on the "rescuer".
On the flip side, the one who comes to the aid of a friend or stranger can develop feelings for that person.
For instance, a client who sees a therapist can become smitten with her. Or a friend who is mourning the death of a loved one may come to have feelings for the person she leans on the most during that difficult time. A while ago, I developed a huge crush on a man I'd felt an urge to help; he'd lost his mother unexpectedly to cancer.
Has this ever happened to anyone?
Thanks!
Yes it does happen frequently. It's always helpful in the healing process to have the hero/rescuer abandon their client or the person in need to help them heal alone. This enables a person to get in touch with their own feelings of worthlessness and helplessness. They soon learn to self sooth without needing to rely on others.
The song from Keith Urban "You'll Think Of Me" comes to mind for women who are endlessly obsessed with one man while spending her entire life with other men. For women are trapped in a constant state of fantasy, there's Daryl Hall's "Dreamtime."
Absolutely. Being the rescuer, I finally had to summon the strength to let him go so he could learn to self soothe and I could stop the nurturing rescuer role.
Something I've noticed, and that's happened to me: When a person in need (financially, emotionally or physically) is helped by someone, that individual develops a crush on the "rescuer".
You noticed that huh?
Most "rescuers" know this in advance... even if they w/don't admit it to themselves up front.
Yep. Uh huh. Noticed it after it happened. Wasn't thinking to myself beforehand, 'Hmm, he's going to probably fall for me when I help him deal with his mother's death...'
Yep. Uh huh. Noticed it after it happened. Wasn't thinking to myself beforehand, 'Hmm, he's going to probably fall for me when I help him deal with his mother's death...'
And then there are the people who *deliberately* seek out people who need rescuing...
with the conscious intention to get a "relationship" with that person as a result.
Some of it can be because of the intense feelings which happen during a traumatic time. But if someone finds themselves consistently being rescued or a rescuer, then that's something to work on. I have a couple of friends who have had "White Knight Syndrome".
Exscapegoat, I agree. Feelings can become so intense from mourning that maybe they just can't help bonding with the confidant.
It's difficult too when you truly HURT for that person, wanting to ease their pain, that you find drawing the line or setting boundaries hard. But like Aleister Crowley suggested, its the rescuer's responsibility to allow him/her to learn self soothing. Can understand that
Thanks for all the helpful responses so far everyone!
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