Does making plans keep a person from living in the present? (inability, mentally)

[SunnyTXsmile]

I had an interesting conversation with my assistant. She asked me a week or so ago to go to dinner with her as a girls' night this coming Monday since she'll have someone watching her daughter that day.

Today, when I asked her where she'd like to go (since I get out to dinner more than she does, so I thought it would be nice to let her pick) she said that she now likes to live in the moment and that picking a place to eat would keep her from living in the moment today but then proceed to say that today (Thursday) all she is focused on now is going to the beach this weekend (Saturday). How is planning your weekend considered living in the moment yet planning your Monday is not living in the moment?

Her end of the conversation clearly made no sense, but I saw where she was going with it. She does have a problem with thinking way too far into the future for too much of her day (she talked endlessly about 10+ years from now) and she's trying to curb that, so I see where this is coming from and why, and it has nothing to do with me.

But it did get me to thinking... does making plans keep a person from living in the present or does making plans give someone a goal to work towards?

Hmmm... Deep Thoughts (for anyone that remembers the old SNL skit ).

[UNC4Me]

Originally Posted by SunnyTXsmile

But it did get me to thinking... does making plans keep a person from living in the present or does making plans give someone a goal to work towards?

Depends on the person. I tend to be a long term planner, but once I make a plan and set it in motion, I don't think about it much. For example, I have a retirement plan, but don't look at my investments but once a quarter. I would even speculate that those without for plans for retirement, college costs or other long term issues probably worry far more about those things than people who have a plan.

And while I certainly plan for other things that require some forethought (say a vacation), I don't feel the need to plan things that can easily be decided on the fly.... like where to go to dinner.

[SunnyTXsmile]

Originally Posted by UNC4Me

Depends on the person. I tend to be a long term planner, but once I make a plan and set it in motion, I don't think about it much. For example, I have a retirement plan, but don't look at my investments but once a quarter. I would even speculate that those without for plans for retirement, college costs or other long term issues probably worry far more about those things than people who have a plan.

And while I certainly plan for other things that require some forethought (say a vacation), I don't feel the need to plan things that can easily be decided on the fly.... like where to go to dinner.

Ahaha good point. No, plans don't need to be made in advance on where to go to dinner (for me, anyway, because I'm told I'm sometimes far too flexible). But I did think it was odd that she saw that as living in the future. I have plans for dinner next month, and the other person already wanted to know where we were going. Why? Travel time, other plans can be impacted, calories need to be adjusted for the week, etc. Nothing life shattering, but I'm usually the "wherever you want to go is fine with me because I love food and can find something anywhere" type of person. In fact, it's my lack of caring where we go that can annoy some people. lol That's not the issue. Heck, thinking about a recent thread, I sometimes plan so little that the majority of relocations in my life have been to cities I'd never even seen until I got there, and often moved within 1-3 weeks of having the idea. lol

The conversation just got me to thinking on a larger scale about life in general and whether making plans (any plans) keeps people from living in the now.

Great input.

[dreamofmonterey]

Hi Sunny
I am like you. I dont really plan in that, if I take a business trip I may even not pack much so I can shop when I get there.
Other people plan out outcomes, but, if there's no way to predict it with certainty, I don't see the point.

My Mom used to say, man proposes, God disposes, I guess a way of saying live for the moment?

[SunnyTXsmile]

Originally Posted by dreamofmonterey

Hi Sunny
I am like you. I dont really plan in that, if I take a business trip I may even not pack much so I can shop when I get there.
Other people plan out outcomes, but, if there's no way to predict it with certainty, I don't see the point.

My Mom used to say, man proposes, God disposes, I guess a way of saying live for the moment?

I like that.

[looking4answers12]

Originally Posted by SunnyTXsmile

I had an interesting conversation with my assistant. She asked me a week or so ago to go to dinner with her as a girls' night this coming Monday since she'll have someone watching her daughter that day.

Today, when I asked her where she'd like to go (since I get out to dinner more than she does, so I thought it would be nice to let her pick) she said that she now likes to live in the moment and that picking a place to eat would keep her from living in the moment today but then proceed to say that today (Thursday) all she is focused on now is going to the beach this weekend (Saturday). How is planning your weekend considered living in the moment yet planning your Monday is not living in the moment?

Her end of the conversation clearly made no sense, but I saw where she was going with it. She does have a problem with thinking way too far into the future for too much of her day (she talked endlessly about 10+ years from now) and she's trying to curb that, so I see where this is coming from and why, and it has nothing to do with me.

But it did get me to thinking... does making plans keep a person from living in the present or does making plans give someone a goal to work towards?

Hmmm... Deep Thoughts (for anyone that remembers the old SNL skit ).

Haha. It sounds like she is just trying to come up with a way of making her inability to commit into some "profound" philosophy.

I tend to not be great about planning ahead. Not because I am philosophically (sorry if the spelling is off) against it, but because I am just to busy or overwhelmed now to spend too much time worrying about later.

I think planning ahead has it's rewards though. It gives you something to look forward to! I just think it's important to be a little bit flexible. Things come up and plans do sometimes do fall through. That's just life.

Living in the moment is a good thing, but it's not a great excuse to cover up an inability to plan ahead at all.

Maybe she really does genuinely believe what she is telling you, but if she does, it's my opinion that she is kind of overdoing the "live in the moment" thing. Sometimes you do have to plan for the future a bit, otherwise you can end up being caught with your pants down in a lot of ways. Financial planning is one exampe of that. Visiting friends and family who don't live around the corner is another example.

[SunnyTXsmile]

Originally Posted by looking4answers12

Haha. It sounds like she is just trying to come up with a way of making her inability to commit into some "profound" philosophy.

I tend to not be great about planning ahead. Not because I am philosophically (sorry if the spelling is off) against it, but because I am just to busy or overwhelmed now to spend too much time worrying about later.

I think planning ahead has it's rewards though. It gives you something to look forward to! I just think it's important to be a little bit flexible. Things come up and plans do sometimes do fall through. That's just life.

Living in the moment is a good thing, but it's not a great excuse to cover up an inability to plan ahead at all.

Maybe she really does genuinely believe what she is telling you, but if she does, it's my opinion that she is kind of overdoing the "live in the moment" thing. Sometimes you do have to plan for the future a bit, otherwise you can end up being caught with your pants down in a lot of ways. Financial planning is one exampe of that. Visiting friends and family who don't live around the corner is another example.

I believe she genuinely does, and I agree. Fabulous examples, by the way, as those are things she's also working on now.

I think since she came to work for me, she realized how unhappy she was in comparison.

She's now trying to cook better for her and her daughter (she says my fresh food always looks better than the processed meals she's eating).
She's getting to the gym now (since I frequent the gym, I encourage her to join me and she's finally going and feeling better ).
She's trying to get out of debt (since I do financial counseling, I suppose the topic is in the front of her mind now).
She's trying to slow down her life (she blogged, hosted large-scale events, etc) to make time for things that matter (like her daughter / family - something that is #1 in my book).
She's trying to worry less about 10 years from now, and more about today,
(all of this, she says, inspired by me, ironically)...
but in the process, I think she's lost sight of the present.

She seems to be trying so hard to curb her tendency to live in the future and not worry about life decades from now, that she's blurred it with not even being able to see beyond this hour. Even a comment about "It's almost 5 o'clock!" or "Yay, it's almost Friday!" earns a glare from her lately because she perceives it as not being in the moment.

I'm all about being in the moment, but I also believe in goals (like relocating and finding a new job soon), and with that, mini goals (like 5pm, the weekend, or pushing myself harder at the gym tomorrow, etc.) because it means I didn't quit my job today (even though I could, and want to), I can finally enjoy uninterrupted Sunday time with loved ones (vs jamming them in a few hours after work), and when I hit that goal at the gym tomorrow I can create a new one to strive for. None of that, to me, means I'm not living in the present, it means I'm setting goals, and reaching them.

[imcurious]

For me, there are a few issues: Commitment (I don't like to commit to plans in the future) and how I feel on any particular day . . .what I am in the mood for that day . . .what WANTS to happen that day . . .

I can't imagine planning to go to a movie in two weeks, say . . . what if I want to go to the beach or work in my yard that day?

I guess it is "living in the moment," and it is also not wanting to commit related to how I am going to feel on any given day. I am very driven by my intuition and how I feel.

[SunnyTXsmile]

Originally Posted by imcurious

For me, there are a few issues: Commitment (I don't like to commit to plans in the future) and how I feel on any particular day . . .what I am in the mood for that day . . .what WANTS to happen that day . . .

I can't imagine planning to go to a movie in two weeks, say . . . what if I want to go to the beach or work in my yard that day?

I guess it is "living in the moment," and it is also not wanting to commit related to how I am going to feel on any given day. I am very driven by my intuition and how I feel.

I'm with you there. I don't often ask anyone to do anything on a certain day at a certain time (I'm more of a "let's do lunch next week" kind of person, then we coordinate that day/week and are like "Does today work?" Yup. Great. Done. ) as, like you said, who knows what you'll want to do that day.

I have some friends that notoriously text me and want me to meet them at dinner in 30 mins. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. As long as they're okay with me saying no when it doesn't, life is good.

However, more often I seem to be asked to do something on a certain day at a certain time. Funny how that happens. I say yes, it goes on the calendar, and even if I want to take the dogs to the park that day, well, I've already made plans and don't believe in backing out, so I go. That's part of life, I suppose.

[Ruth4Truth]

You need to be able to do both. You need to plan for the future, but also be in the moment when you're completing tasks, enjoying a walk or a chat with a friend. One does not preclude the other, unless you get lost in fantasizing about the future. Everyone needs to make grocery lists, plan the day (or weekend trip to the beach), project one's financial situation into the future in order to be able to make sound economic decisions.

The only people who have the luxury of constantly being in the present are people who are institutionalized, and so have their needs taken care of: monks, nuns, the mentally ill, soldiers.