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I have a problem that is really starting to bother me. I have a passion for a wide array of very complicated things, i.e., - quantum physics, electrical engineering, biological evolution, etc... I do realize that most people have little to no knowledge of many of the things I'm interested in. However, I truly feel as though if I can present it in just the right way that people will also find these things as fascinating as I do.
For example, last night my wife and I met my parents at a restaurant for dinner. I happened to ask my parents if they saw the news of the Mars rover. They gave me blank stares in return. So, I started to explain the background of the Mars rover, the drama behind the seven minutes of terror and the subsequent landing process that was truly a modern-day engineering marvel.
Mid-way through my explanation, my wife interrupts me and tells me to eat my salad. I nodded and said "I'm almost done." I continued with my explanation but could tell I already lost everyone and that their eyes were glazed over with boredom. I knew it was over so I simply wrapped it up real quickly with "Anyway. It was really cool."
This is not the first time this has happened and it's not just coming from my wife. I know that people simply aren't interested in the same things I'm passionate about. I understand that they are often considered complicated topics and many people are hesitant to contemplate on them because of any number of reasons. I try to keep things as topical as possible without getting too into detail but I end up losing people anyway.
The thing that drives me crazy is not that I'm losing people, though. I truly do understand that people simply won't be as passionate about these things as me. It is frustrating not having people to share it with and that kinds of sucks but I understand it. What IS driving me crazy is being interrupted and having someone change the topic on me. It's not just to say "I'm not interested." It's as if to say "No one cares what you have to say. Please shut up and let's talk about something else."
I give people the infinite time of day when I realize they are talking about a topic they are interested in. I'm not scared of what these people have to say. In fact, I'm usually intrigued by what other people find fascinating. Sometimes it's along the same lines as what I'm interested in and, even if it's not, I still have the manners to listen to them and try to relate to what they're talking about. I feel so sequestered and locked up because I have all these ideas (some good and some bad) that I'd love to bounce off people - and no one listens.
How does one deal with something like that? Even if you point out their rudeness for interrupting you, it only takes one look at the glaze in their eyes to see that you're boring them. In which case, you're just going to waste your breath anyway and you end up bottling it all up again. Then it's back to small talk, which is fine in its own regard but I often get the sense that the interests I have are more taboo at dinner than sex, politics and religion.
I know how it feels man. I know how it is... really there isn't much to do about it. Its usually linked with the way you move your arms/body and how your voice bounce with words. Some people have it naturally, some don't. I understand fully what you are going through. I would say to you that the only real resolution to that is to open up to people who really want to know about it. Its a sad thing but you will have to shut down that part of yourself in front of some people because really, they just don't give a **** and on top of that you do not have the talent to make people listen.
You could try changing the way you behave when you talk. I tried it. It felt fake but with some practice you will probably improve a bit. As I said in another thread, I am about to become a teacher so I have to captivate kids and at first it was hard. You really have to find what interest them and then build on that and make bridges (if there is opportunity) to stuff that interest YOU.
Also at some point, I became so frustrated about people interrupting me back in the days that now I just don't hesitate to show my frustration. It happened just last week. I was opening up to a co-worker. I was telling him just how I felt about something and he started looking away and talking to himself. I looked at him silent. I stoped talking. He looked at me and said '' What ?? '' and I went like '' Anyway, forget it. You're not listening. Its not important ''. Seriously just try showing your frustration sometimes. I don't know if it will really help but it will certainly help you feel better at some point. It IS frustrating and it is completely normal to be angry at people for that.
I have to "talk down" to most everyone I know, or risk blank stares. Sometimes, if you are considered to be "ahead of your time," others cannot resonate with you . . .they are simply not on the same wavelength.
Join Mensa or an INTJ group (if that is your type) or a scholarly quantum physics community.
And do ask you wife for feedback - ask her how you come off in company and pay attention to what she says.
I have to "talk down" to most everyone I know, or risk blank stares. Sometimes, if you are considered to be "ahead of your time," others cannot resonate with you . . .they are simply not on the same wavelength.
Join Mensa or an INTJ group (if that is your type) or a scholarly quantum physics community.
And do ask you wife for feedback - ask her how you come off in company and pay attention to what she says.
Every time I've ever taken the Myers-Briggs personality test, I've always come out as an INTJ but with slightly varying results. That being said, I am skeptical of the test as modern psychology doesn't even use it and it has little scientific research supporting it. Neither Jung, Briggs, or Briggs-Myers (Briggs' daughter) ever used any sort of scientific methodology to develop their standards. I've also never seen a description of the personality types with anything negative either. All the descriptions tend to be positive character traits leading me to believe that it has the same sort of positive confirmation bias as a horoscope.
I've kicked around joining Mensa before but everyone I met seemed so self-absorbed with their IQ scores (another thing I'm skeptical about when trying to frame someone's overall intelligence) that it felt more like a "Look at me, I'm great," club more than people of like minds and interests.
Aside from the fact that few, if any, intellectual groups are in the backwoods of Mississippi in the first place, I don't do groups very well. You will never find me chanting a motto, paying allegiances to some "club," or following some sort of fictitious hierarchy or caste system. If it were a group or club, it would have to bear none of the hallmarks of a group or club.
Groups, clubs, and all the other things aside, I feel like needing to seek out something such as that emphasizes how "different" I am anyway. While it might be nice to share those thoughts with people who are like me, it doesn't do much for me when I'm with the people I care about most. Those same people I care about are the ones I really want to share my passions with - not a group of strangers.
I know how it feels man. I know how it is... really there isn't much to do about it. Its usually linked with the way you move your arms/body and how your voice bounce with words. Some people have it naturally, some don't. I understand fully what you are going through. I would say to you that the only real resolution to that is to open up to people who really want to know about it. Its a sad thing but you will have to shut down that part of yourself in front of some people because really, they just don't give a **** and on top of that you do not have the talent to make people listen.
You could try changing the way you behave when you talk. I tried it. It felt fake but with some practice you will probably improve a bit. As I said in another thread, I am about to become a teacher so I have to captivate kids and at first it was hard. You really have to find what interest them and then build on that and make bridges (if there is opportunity) to stuff that interest YOU.
I'm glad there's someone out there who feels my pain.
And yeah about the field of subjects that interest you : A lot of people are interested in that kind of conversations. More than you might think. You just don't have any of these people in your friends. I personally am very interested by science, the cosmos and physics in general. I have some friends I can chat with when I want to talk science and it is really nice. Honestly I do not think there is a more enjoyable thing in the world than talking space/science/physics with a friend while watching the stars. I like to share vision of Michio Kaku from times to times with another of my friends and we enjoy talking about modern physics. Maybe you should try to meet some new people or join a group like it was suggested higher. I just can't believe you don't have anyone in your life who would like to listen to such interesting subjects.
Anyway I doubt I am being very clear or helpful in this post but what I wanted to say is just : Keep your head up, I am sure you will bump in some people who are interested in what you have to say at some point. As I also mentioned, you have two choices... try to practice or improve your way of speaking or learn to shut down that part of yourself to people who are not interested by that stuff.
I have a problem that is really starting to bother me. I have a passion for a wide array of very complicated things, i.e., - quantum physics, electrical engineering, biological evolution, etc... I do realize that most people have little to no knowledge of many of the things I'm interested in. However, I truly feel as though if I can present it in just the right way that people will also find these things as fascinating as I do.
For example, last night my wife and I met my parents at a restaurant for dinner. I happened to ask my parents if they saw the news of the Mars rover. They gave me blank stares in return. So, I started to explain the background of the Mars rover, the drama behind the seven minutes of terror and the subsequent landing process that was truly a modern-day engineering marvel.
Mid-way through my explanation, my wife interrupts me and tells me to eat my salad. I nodded and said "I'm almost done." I continued with my explanation but could tell I already lost everyone and that their eyes were glazed over with boredom. I knew it was over so I simply wrapped it up real quickly with "Anyway. It was really cool."
This is not the first time this has happened and it's not just coming from my wife. I know that people simply aren't interested in the same things I'm passionate about. I understand that they are often considered complicated topics and many people are hesitant to contemplate on them because of any number of reasons. I try to keep things as topical as possible without getting too into detail but I end up losing people anyway.
The thing that drives me crazy is not that I'm losing people, though. I truly do understand that people simply won't be as passionate about these things as me. It is frustrating not having people to share it with and that kinds of sucks but I understand it. What IS driving me crazy is being interrupted and having someone change the topic on me. It's not just to say "I'm not interested." It's as if to say "No one cares what you have to say. Please shut up and let's talk about something else."
I give people the infinite time of day when I realize they are talking about a topic they are interested in. I'm not scared of what these people have to say. In fact, I'm usually intrigued by what other people find fascinating. Sometimes it's along the same lines as what I'm interested in and, even if it's not, I still have the manners to listen to them and try to relate to what they're talking about. I feel so sequestered and locked up because I have all these ideas (some good and some bad) that I'd love to bounce off people - and no one listens.
How does one deal with something like that? Even if you point out their rudeness for interrupting you, it only takes one look at the glaze in their eyes to see that you're boring them. In which case, you're just going to waste your breath anyway and you end up bottling it all up again. Then it's back to small talk, which is fine in its own regard but I often get the sense that the interests I have are more taboo at dinner than sex, politics and religion.
You may truly feel like you can make these subjects interesting, but based on your audiences' reactions, it sounds like it's really not working.
Three things come to mind. First, be more selective in your audience. Apparently your parents and your wife don't share your fascination with complicated things. So don't try to convince them of how fascinating they are. Instead, find an audience that's already interested in the complexities that fascinate you. Look for meetup groups or the like in your area with "geek" or "nerd" in the name. (I don't mean that as an insult; I belong to a couple myself.) You're more likely to find self-identified geeks and nerds more receptive to the ins-and-outs of such things than your wife and parents, from the sound of it.
Second, talking small means talking short. One or two sentences of explanation. Wordplay helps, especially witty or pithy phrasing. Background, history and context, while helpful to know, actually distract from your audience's remembering your point. Anything more than five minutes of your speaking uninterrupted isn't talking with them, it's talking at them...and no one wants to hear a lecture over dinner.
Do you know what an "elevator speech" is? It's an interview technique; you try to make your case and hook the person's interest in the space of an elevator ride. If you're talking small at dinner, that's your goal. A fleshed-out explanation of the background and complexities can come later once their interest is piqued. Hook them with the elevator speech, and wait for their questions. If they don't ask, they're not interested, and you can switch subjects. If they ask questions, give them just enough of an answer that they ask more questions. It takes some practice, but it keeps the conversation flowing both ways, and gives them plenty of opportunities to switch topics, so that they don't feel stuck on one subject for too long. Small talk is meant to be a dance, not a seminar--entertaining, not informative.
Third, what does your wife say about your explanations? She seems to think that your explanations are too long as they stand, no matter how short they seem to you. And it bothers her enough that she's willing to be rude (and a bit dismissive, from the sound of it) in order to move the conversation along. She may be able to give you some insight as to how you are coming off to other people when you geek out and start lecturing.
I think your wife is doing you a favor by trying to redirect you. Something about the post is offensive as it seems that you don't feel that maybe others are not "bright" enough or feel threatened by your "insight". They are just not interested in what you are interested in so don't force them to endure long conversations where, it seems, you take center stage and hold it. As others have suggested, find like minded company to share this with. Perhaps the real issue is that you have trouble carrying on small conversation. Seriously, just because you don't have an interest in a subject, it doesn't make you less intelligent or threatened by those who hog the conversation with their "knowledge" of subjects that most don't care about. Comes across rather arrogantly.
I have a problem that is really starting to bother me. I have a passion for a wide array of very complicated things, i.e., - quantum physics, electrical engineering, biological evolution, etc... I do realize that most people have little to no knowledge of many of the things I'm interested in. However, I truly feel as though if I can present it in just the right way that people will also find these things as fascinating as I do.
For example, last night my wife and I met my parents at a restaurant for dinner. I happened to ask my parents if they saw the news of the Mars rover. They gave me blank stares in return. So, I started to explain the background of the Mars rover, the drama behind the seven minutes of terror and the subsequent landing process that was truly a modern-day engineering marvel.
Mid-way through my explanation, my wife interrupts me and tells me to eat my salad. I nodded and said "I'm almost done." I continued with my explanation but could tell I already lost everyone and that their eyes were glazed over with boredom. I knew it was over so I simply wrapped it up real quickly with "Anyway. It was really cool."
This is not the first time this has happened and it's not just coming from my wife. I know that people simply aren't interested in the same things I'm passionate about. I understand that they are often considered complicated topics and many people are hesitant to contemplate on them because of any number of reasons. I try to keep things as topical as possible without getting too into detail but I end up losing people anyway.
The thing that drives me crazy is not that I'm losing people, though. I truly do understand that people simply won't be as passionate about these things as me. It is frustrating not having people to share it with and that kinds of sucks but I understand it. What IS driving me crazy is being interrupted and having someone change the topic on me. It's not just to say "I'm not interested." It's as if to say "No one cares what you have to say. Please shut up and let's talk about something else."
I give people the infinite time of day when I realize they are talking about a topic they are interested in. I'm not scared of what these people have to say. In fact, I'm usually intrigued by what other people find fascinating. Sometimes it's along the same lines as what I'm interested in and, even if it's not, I still have the manners to listen to them and try to relate to what they're talking about. I feel so sequestered and locked up because I have all these ideas (some good and some bad) that I'd love to bounce off people - and no one listens.
How does one deal with something like that? Even if you point out their rudeness for interrupting you, it only takes one look at the glaze in their eyes to see that you're boring them. In which case, you're just going to waste your breath anyway and you end up bottling it all up again. Then it's back to small talk, which is fine in its own regard but I often get the sense that the interests I have are more taboo at dinner than sex, politics and religion.
An easy solution would be to find others with similar interests and save that conversation and idea sharing for them, since they're the ones that will appreciate it any way.
Find some friends with similar interests, join a group, find a message board, something that can give you that outlet you need while saving others that have little to no interest in the topics. Reserve in-depth conversations with those people for things you both have in common.
If I see, after the first few sentences, they have little excitement for the topic, I save the effort and share it with someone I know has a similar interest. I save my dance talk for fellow dancers, my foodie talk for fellow foodies, etc. I had lunch with a friend and we literally talked about peas for at least 45 mins. We share a love of vegetables. Had anyone else been at the table, we would have refrained so as not to drive them literally insane with boredom, but she and I, when alone, can kill hours talking about spinach (and our equal obsession with dogs). lol
Of course, I don't even bother starting up "shop talk" (finance or digital marketing) unless I know the person is in a similar field and even cares to talk about it after hours.
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