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One of my friends who is a gay man has jokingly called me this, I'm a straight female. But I have a mix of friends from both genders and different orientations, so my friendships aren't exclusively with gay men or even primarily with gay men. I do notice with gay male friends, there's no pressure due to the attraction there may be with straight male friends or even the social expectations jetaki mentions. And there's none of the competition which can sometimes happen with female friends. So it takes less time to get to the stage where we're relaxed and comfortable with each other.
I find with gay male and lesbian friends, they tend to be less judgmental and more accepting of me. Having been scapegoated in my family of origin, bullied in middle school and having dealt with some workplace bullying (I think the school and work stuff happened because I didn't learn boundaries while dealing with the family stuff, have since learned about them), I can sort of be an outsider myself. I think in our society, it's very difficult for people coming out. Most of the gay and lesbian people I know were bullied at some point as children or teenagers. So there's a fellow outsider thing going on. I notice I tend to have a number of friends who have some sort of outsider status be it orientation, religion or ethnicity.
I rather like being able to empathize with an outsider status because I think it's opened up the horizons of my life and the people I meet. I've learned a lot and as a general rule, outsiders can be some of the most loyal friends. Of course there are exceptions. People who are in the majority can be loyal and some outsiders can sometimes be disloyal.
First, these guys were "out." Second, this one woman ONLY befriended these guys. Third, she was aloof to everyone else.
I've seen other women like this, even in undergrad.
How do you know "this one woman" ONLY befriended gays? And how do you know she was "aloof to everyone else"? Did you follow her with a notepad 24/7? Maybe she was perceived as being aloof. And even if she was aloof, why don't you just ask her instead of asking everyone here?
I think any person, whether gay, straight, or faghag, are individuals and you are creating a jacket for them to wear based on your "ONE PERSON". And based on your observations, you have created a negative personality type. From your posts, I would say you are very intelligent, yet you question why one person befriends another type. Who cares if they want only gay friends, or only frat friends, or mod, goth, black, christian, etc.
Why is it an issue? You do know some people have an instant rapport, right? So if I become friends with pagans, what does that make me? A person who happens to get along with pagans. NO DEEP psychosocial issues.
Besides, all terms start someplace and end up being used by a wider population and sometimes end up being negative.
If you never heard the term until grad school, I would say you have lived a very sheltered life.
Personally, I think the term comes from the gay world back in the day. And I also think VERY FEW women have exclusively gay friends. I think if you met one, they are in the minority. Most women have a wide range of friends and maybe you are feeling excluded? LASH OUT, girlfriend!
How do you know "this one woman" ONLY befriended gays? And how do you know she was "aloof to everyone else"? Did you follow her with a notepad 24/7? Maybe she was perceived as being aloof. And even if she was aloof, why don't you just ask her instead of asking everyone here?
I was looking for constructive dialogue. Instead I get "how do you know this?" and "how do you know that?" Why would I ask her why she is aloof? Many people made this observation about her and the company she kept, not in a critical way but in a matter-of-fact way. I am wondering why she would deny herself intimacy to hang around with gay guys? Give it a rest and, per your "location," please deep-fry a little longer.
ETA: yet another closed profile.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 09-02-2012 at 05:23 PM..
I just scanned through this thread and have yet to figure out why anyone would start it, let alone discuss it as if it were something that would bear enlightenment. I personally have never heard the labels that have been posted here, but then I've never been one to label people, so maybe I've heard them said and just ignored them as the ramblings of the weak-minded.
I often wonder why people that wax poetic about other persons looks or proclivities tend to leave their own profiles underpopulated. Have you ever noticed how often that is the case?
Anyway, to the question at hand... I believe I am not the only one that befriends people because I like them and do not apply standards pertinent to their sexual orientation or their physical beauty (for which there can be no standard). I befriend people that have interests that I am interested in knowing more about, or that believe in the same ideals as I do, or are just fun to be with.
I have to think that any other motivation for friendship would be self-serving, and not really friendly at all.
I often wonder why people that wax poetic about other persons looks or proclivities tend to leave their own profiles underpopulated. Have you ever noticed how often that is the case?
What does underpopulated mean? Sounds like you are being critical, and I thought Seattleites epitomized "don't tread on me."
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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I don't know any women who ONLY befriend gay men, there are probably some, but probably fewer than you imagine.
I would say first off that: maybe they're just friends with a guy who happens to be gay?
Maybe homosexual men can (maybe it's a stereotype) relate better with females on that level?
Maybe they don't want the whole pressure/sexual tension that might come with an attractive straight guy?
Not that that might not happen with the gay friend. It's not uncommon, of course, for her to be attracted to him regardless.
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LASH OUT, girlfriend! 
