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Have you ever wondered why so many singles in America are unhappy, some of whom fall into deep depression and even contemplate or commit suicide, especially men?
The answer doesn't just lie in our natural need for intimate companionship, as human beings. The major factor is pressure from American media and American society in general to be married, to follow the plan and achieve X by Y age. Any deviation from the norm is seen as wrong. Such people are seen as losers or failures.
Look at many television program's and movies. How many dozens of times have you seen the glorification of marriage and the family, while single people are portrayed as reckless, directionless, poor and generally bad influences on their married friends. There was a trailer I saw recently that fit the exact bill: the synopsis was two male friends, one married and one single are envious of the other's lifestyle and as a result of a spell, trade places. Of course, the married guy has a great career, kids and the nice house in the suburbs, while the single guy is basically down and out, living in an apartment.
Prejudice exists too. I've lost count of the number of times I've been asked if I'm married, followed by the look of surprise. I would imagine this is worse for single women. Although there are no laws preventing me from doing so, I don't feel comfortable going into a restaurant alone or even to the cinema alone. You always feel like you're being judged as some sort of sad case. Over the last decade or so, it's even got to the stage where single men are seen as potential sexual predators or pedophiles, even by airlines (there were 2 cases on Australian airlines where single men were asked to move seats as they were sitting next to unaccompanied minors, causing humiliation). Has it got to the stage where a man on his own in a park is seen as some sort of predator?
When your friends and siblings marry, they seem to want less to do with you, especially once they have children, yet they seem to find time for fellow "coupled" friends.
So I get why so many single people and those single post-divorce become miserable. It's not so much the lack of companionship, but the pressure from society and the constant bombardment from the media that relationships are the be all and end all. Perhaps that's one reason why the divorce rate is so high?
I will say that having traveled to Germany a lot, it didn't seem like such a big deal there. Perhaps America in general isn't the greatest country on earth to be single in as it's very much geared towards being family / marriage oriented in just about every aspect of life.
There should be no shame or sense of failure in being single.
I agree with what you've said. A point that could be added is the alienation that members of various ethnic groups feel when they come to America and experience a culture that is completely different from their native culture. For example, young Middle-eastern men trying to maintain their values seem to have an especially difficult time in this country. Some turn to extreme versions of their religion for comfort, often with catastrophic results. (Note: This is NOT meant as criticism. I empathize with them.)
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soilwork
Have you ever wondered why so many singles in America are unhappy, some of whom fall into deep depression and even contemplate or commit suicide, especially men?
The answer doesn't just lie in our natural need for intimate companionship, as human beings. The major factor is pressure from American media and American society in general to be married, to follow the plan and achieve X by Y age. Any deviation from the norm is seen as wrong. Such people are seen as losers or failures.
Look at many television program's and movies. How many dozens of times have you seen the glorification of marriage and the family, while single people are portrayed as reckless, directionless, poor and generally bad influences on their married friends. There was a trailer I saw recently that fit the exact bill: the synopsis was two male friends, one married and one single are envious of the other's lifestyle and as a result of a spell, trade places. Of course, the married guy has a great career, kids and the nice house in the suburbs, while the single guy is basically down and out, living in an apartment.
Prejudice exists too. I've lost count of the number of times I've been asked if I'm married, followed by the look of surprise. I would imagine this is worse for single women. Although there are no laws preventing me from doing so, I don't feel comfortable going into a restaurant alone or even to the cinema alone. You always feel like you're being judged as some sort of sad case. Over the last decade or so, it's even got to the stage where single men are seen as potential sexual predators or pedophiles, even by airlines (there were 2 cases on Australian airlines where single men were asked to move seats as they were sitting next to unaccompanied minors, causing humiliation). Has it got to the stage where a man on his own in a park is seen as some sort of predator?
When your friends and siblings marry, they seem to want less to do with you, especially once they have children, yet they seem to find time for fellow "coupled" friends.
So I get why so many single people and those single post-divorce become miserable. It's not so much the lack of companionship, but the pressure from society and the constant bombardment from the media that relationships are the be all and end all. Perhaps that's one reason why the divorce rate is so high?
I will say that having traveled to Germany a lot, it didn't seem like such a big deal there. Perhaps America in general isn't the greatest country on earth to be single in as it's very much geared towards being family / marriage oriented in just about every aspect of life.
There should be no shame or sense of failure in being single.
I have to agree with the bolded text. From sun-up to sun-down the idea of marriage and family as the only acceptable path is shoveled in everyone's face. People look at you crazy if you believe otherwise or do otherwise. The only thing is the frequency depends on where you are in the US.
It is like you are a failure at life if you are single at ages 25, 35, 45, 55, for any reason. Whether it is by choice, divorce, death, etc. you get the failure vibe in the US.
Reading this reminded me of being back in 9th grade, sitting in class listening to other students giving their speech.
Completely anecdotal, opinions stated as facts, with no real substance.
Sorry it bothered you, but there's plenty of FACTUAL evidence out there to back up my points. Just do a Google search if you care to (but you'll probably choose to ignore).
When your friends and siblings marry, they seem to want less to do with you, especially once they have children, yet they seem to find time for fellow "coupled" friends.
So I get why so many single people and those single post-divorce become miserable. It's not so much the lack of companionship, but the pressure from society and the constant bombardment from the media that relationships are the be all and end all. Perhaps that's one reason why the divorce rate is so high?
I will say that having traveled to Germany a lot, it didn't seem like such a big deal there. Perhaps America in general isn't the greatest country on earth to be single in as it's very much geared towards being family / marriage oriented in just about every aspect of life.
There should be no shame or sense of failure in being single.
I wonder if this is a regional thing. I never noticed any pressure to marry on the West Coast, and I'm guessing NYC is more relaxed about this, too. I hadn't noticed that everything's geared toward family/marriage. Now that it's been recognized that there are more singles in society than ever before, expectations should have shifted. Most of my friends are single, and those who are married still enjoy hanging out with me. Why would BFF's cut someone off, just because one of them got married? You're still BFF's, you still fill a unique niche in their life.
As for Germany, I can only conclude that the OP was there as a visitor, not as a resident, and so wasn't in a position to experience what that society is like regarding this issue. This would be a good question to put up in the "Europe" forum.
I think people need to get out of "poor me" mode, and focus on the happiness they can bring to others. If people in some parts of the country get a lot of inappropriate scrutiny because they're single, that's too bad, but they need to learn to blow everyone off and do what's right for them. Or relocate, haha.
Have you ever wondered why so many singles in America are unhappy, some of whom fall into deep depression and even contemplate or commit suicide, especially men?
The answer doesn't just lie in our natural need for intimate companionship, as human beings. The major factor is pressure from American media and American society in general to be married, to follow the plan and achieve X by Y age. Any deviation from the norm is seen as wrong. Such people are seen as losers or failures.
Look at many television program's and movies. How many dozens of times have you seen the glorification of marriage and the family, while single people are portrayed as reckless, directionless, poor and generally bad influences on their married friends. There was a trailer I saw recently that fit the exact bill: the synopsis was two male friends, one married and one single are envious of the other's lifestyle and as a result of a spell, trade places. Of course, the married guy has a great career, kids and the nice house in the suburbs, while the single guy is basically down and out, living in an apartment.
Prejudice exists too. I've lost count of the number of times I've been asked if I'm married, followed by the look of surprise. I would imagine this is worse for single women. Although there are no laws preventing me from doing so, I don't feel comfortable going into a restaurant alone or even to the cinema alone. You always feel like you're being judged as some sort of sad case. Over the last decade or so, it's even got to the stage where single men are seen as potential sexual predators or pedophiles, even by airlines (there were 2 cases on Australian airlines where single men were asked to move seats as they were sitting next to unaccompanied minors, causing humiliation). Has it got to the stage where a man on his own in a park is seen as some sort of predator?
When your friends and siblings marry, they seem to want less to do with you, especially once they have children, yet they seem to find time for fellow "coupled" friends.
So I get why so many single people and those single post-divorce become miserable. It's not so much the lack of companionship, but the pressure from society and the constant bombardment from the media that relationships are the be all and end all. Perhaps that's one reason why the divorce rate is so high?
I will say that having traveled to Germany a lot, it didn't seem like such a big deal there. Perhaps America in general isn't the greatest country on earth to be single in as it's very much geared towards being family / marriage oriented in just about every aspect of life.
There should be no shame or sense of failure in being single.
And all the married men in these movies and TV shows are portrayed as overweight shlubs, old, tired and boring and their wives are all hot and young. Geez, I guess we should all go jump off a cliff.
Marriage and children do change people. Couples do tend to hang out with other couples, and those with children make friends with other people who have kids too. That's just the nature of socialization, hanging out with those who are similar to you. We all do that on some level.
As to your comment about prejudice, those are your own issues if you're insecure about going out alone, and perceiving that others are judging you. Who's to say they even notice you? And it's not just single men who worry about being perceived as predators/pedophiles. You're putting way too much stock into what others think, or rather what you assume others think.
The reality is that everyone has a path of their choosing in life and what others think doesn't matter if you're secure with your path. I very much think that those who are single and depressed are so because it's not where they want to be, not because the media glorifies marriage and family. Trying to blame the media takes away from personal responsibility and accountability for your choices.
I have to agree with the bolded text. From sun-up to sun-down the idea of marriage and family as the only acceptable path is shoveled in everyone's face. People look at you crazy if you believe otherwise or do otherwise. The only thing is the frequency depends on where you are in the US.
It is like you are a failure at life if you are single at ages 25, 35, 45, 55, for any reason. Whether it is by choice, divorce, death, etc. you get the failure vibe in the US.
Let it be known that I'm married...happily...to the love of my life
I felt no pressure to marry her, and I did so because I loved her, NOT because of any pressure from the media or anyone else anywhere
Having said that, I say this...I am not about to try and preach on marriage to ANYONE, because I fully realize it isn't for EVERYONE...my status is NOT the be-all end-all template for happiness, and I feel not one ounce of animosity toward anyone who is single and chooses to remain such, no matter what your reasoning is
In fact, the Captain has advice for those singles among you, who feel relentless pressure to be married and/or have kids...next time someone gives you the 'why aren't you married/when am I gonna get grandkids' speech, politely (or impolitely, depending on your mood at the time LOL) tell them to make like an unorganized shepherd and get their flock outta your face
You are a grown-a** adult, NOT living under their rules, therefore, NOT obligated to do something because THEY did it and it worked, or society 'says' that's what you should do...tell society to go **** off and take a running jump into the nearest hot, steaming dung-heap
I say this coming as the product of a marriage that lasted 50 yrs, but nowadays there is just too-damn-much whining, hand-wringing, and general people not minding their own damn business going around
IF YOU ARE A SINGLE, CHILDLESS MAN OR WOMAN OUT HERE, AND SOMEONE HAS THE STONES TO TELL YOU YOU ARE A FAILURE, OR THAT YOU ARE DEFECTIVE IN ANY WAY SHAPE FORM OR FASHION BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT MARRIED OR HAVE NO CHILDREN, USE THIS POST AS YOUR PERMISSION TO TELL THOSE INDIVIDUALS TO GO SOMEWHERE, SIT DOWN, SHUT THE BLEEP UP, AND MIND THEIR OWN BLEEPING BUSINESS...END OF NARRATIVE
I'm Jewish, 37, divorced, and childless. There is pressure from fellow Jews to find a man, settle down, and have babies. Not intense pressure, but pressure.
I'm also stigmatized by society as a divorcee. I don't like it. I didn't choose this.
One major problem is that men have stopped being men. They have been bombarded with role models and images from the media that portray men as sniveling, brow-beaten, sycophants who always need their wife to make the decisions.
A real man doesn't worry about stuff like the question you have posed. We just carry on and could give a rip what society thinks. You should be out there following your natural instincts and seeing women until one day maybe you meet one that keeps your attention and will hold it.
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. I empathize with them.)
Big Diss...I Feel Ya Man
