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Starved for attention, needs ego to be fed constantly, excessively charming to everyones face , behind their back says the most horrible things. Uses people and when they cant do anything for him anymore he tosses them aside like garbage. A compulsive liar, a master of deception. No conscience, absolutely shameless.
I know some people have some of these traits but this guy has all of them and many many more. Ive never met anyone like him. How do you deal with someone like this?
Starved for attention, needs ego to be fed constantly, excessively charming to everyones face , behind their back says the most horrible things. Uses people and when they cant do anything for him anymore he tosses them aside like garbage. A compulsive liar, a master of deception. No conscience, absolutely shameless.
I know some people have some of these traits but this guy has all of them and many many more. Ive never met anyone like him. How do you deal with someone like this?
First, what you're describing isn't NPD; it's antisocial personality disorder/sociopathy.
Second, it's been talked to death in other threads.
First, what you're describing isn't NPD; it's antisocial personality disorder/sociopathy.
Second, it's been talked to death in other threads.
These are some of his exact traits that deem him a narcissist.
The seven deadly sins of narcissism:
Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.
Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.
Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.
Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person's ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.
Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an "awkward" or "difficult" person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.
Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.
Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist there is no boundary between self and other.
I know i didnt put all of the details in my first post but these are also characteristics of his.
I guess he could be both?
Second, Im sure this discussion has been beat to death, but so has every topic imagineable.
Starved for attention, needs ego to be fed constantly, excessively charming to everyones face , behind their back says the most horrible things. Uses people and when they cant do anything for him anymore he tosses them aside like garbage. A compulsive liar, a master of deception. No conscience, absolutely shameless.
I know some people have some of these traits but this guy has all of them and many many more. Ive never met anyone like him. How do you deal with someone like this?
Could you clarify how this is different from a sociopath?
Could you clarify how this is different from a sociopath?
No I cant.....they are very similar equally destructive personalities.
A narcissist sees others as a means to validate his existence. The less validating you are, the less use you are to a narcissist.They are very insecure needing constant praise from peers/co-workers to feel self worth. Usually people with NPD had a traumatic expierience as a child which this person had, loosing a parent at a young age. Seeks to eliminate competition through lies and deception, blames others for his mistakes and takes credit for everyones successes behind their back. Its sickening to watch.
A sociopath views others as entertainment. The less entertaining you are, the less use you are to a sociopath. A sociopath is not insecure and does not care what other people think or need their approval/validation. Sociopaths are usually more criminal and/or violent...The person I am speaking of is neither. But he does love conflict.
Both the narcissist and the sociopath need to dominate and control others. They will both exploit you with no remorse and have no conscience.
These are some of his exact traits that deem him a narcissist.
The seven deadly sins of narcissism:
Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.
Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.
Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.
Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person's ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.
Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an "awkward" or "difficult" person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.
Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.
Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist there is no boundary between self and other.
I know i didnt put all of the details in my first post but these are also characteristics of his.
I guess he could be both?
Second, Im sure this discussion has been beat to death, but so has every topic imagineable.
But the way you described this person doesn't really fit those characteristics too closely, though. And I would debate whether the description of "shamelessness" listed above is even well-defined, let alone part of NPD; people with ASPD are "shameless" in that they don't experience or respond to shame like "normal people do", where people with NPD feel shame, but use reaction formation to defend themselves against it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fishnut
Starved for attention, needs ego to be fed constantly, excessively charming to everyones face , behind their back says the most horrible things. Uses people and when they cant do anything for him anymore he tosses them aside like garbage. A compulsive liar, a master of deception. No conscience, absolutely shameless.
The bolded parts aren't characteristic of NPD; they're characteristic of ASPD/sociopathy. Narcissists aren't lying when they tell you how wonderful they are and how everyone else around them is unimportant; that is, they really think that's how things are, whereas a compulsive liars know that what they're saying is false. And narcissists need not be starved for attention. They lack attention the way compulsive overeaters lack food--they can't get enough no matter how much they get, which is very different from their not having any.
Using people isn't distinctive of NPD. People with ASPD also use others, usually instrumentally, and depending on your definition of "using people", people with dependent personality disorder use people as well, though in a very different way.
"But the way you described this person doesn't really fit those characteristics too closely, though. And I would debate whether the description of "shamelessness" listed above is even well-defined, let alone part of NPD; people with ASPD are "shameless" in that they don't experience or respond to shame like "normal people do", where people with NPD feel shame, but use reaction formation to defend themselves against it".
I stand corrected on this point , you are correct. Shame is a narcissist worst enemy. I believe this is what shamelessness defined above in an inderect way was trying to state. I said in one of my quotes he was shameless, I was wrong. He feels shame but somehow has no conscience, I dont get it.
I think you are underestimating a narcissist. Someone who always feels the need to be the best and force others to believe the same, they must lie, destroy those that disagree or pose a threat, need a codependant to feed their huge ego......ect They will do ANYTHING! NO CONSCIENCE.
This person must show everyone up even though he/she is far from the best at any of these catagories.... sports, work, in bed, cooking, best living quarters,strength, looks. Has to be the center of attention at all times , very controlling, always right....ect.It never ends
Just because a narcissist believes his own lies does not mean they are not lies. If a person is so in love with themselves that they think "im the best baseball player in the world" whether he believes it or not, he is lieing.
"Starved for attention" to me means a need for constant attention...which is a narcissist in a nutshell.
You dont believe Narcissist use excessive charm and deception?
People with NPD absolutely use people, they are used to feed their ego. If you do not comply you are ignored or detroyed in a workplace environment that is. They also use people to move up the economic ladder.
An update to the Diagnostics & Statistics Manual (the bible for mental health professionals) is due out in 2013 and speculation regarding upcoming revisions has caused a great deal of controversy in the mental health field.
Some reports indicate the American Psychological Association (APA) will condense or combine some of the personality disorders.The Narcissist and Sociopath are strong possibilities.
Its even obvious to health professionals that alot of these disorders carry the same charateristics.
No matter what acronym is attacthed to a disorder, my co-worker is disturbed to say the least. Ive been around a while and never met anyone close to this level of destructive social behavior.
The main difference I see between the 2 disorders is a sociopath tends to be more criminal and gets bored with relationships. This person does not fit that description, as long as his girlfriend feeds his ego constantly, and she does not have a problem with being wrong all the time, they will have a lasting relationship.
"But the way you described this person doesn't really fit those characteristics too closely, though. And I would debate whether the description of "shamelessness" listed above is even well-defined, let alone part of NPD; people with ASPD are "shameless" in that they don't experience or respond to shame like "normal people do", where people with NPD feel shame, but use reaction formation to defend themselves against it".
I stand corrected on this point , you are correct. Shame is a narcissist worst enemy. I believe this is what shamelessness defined above in an inderect way was trying to state. I said in one of my quotes he was shameless, I was wrong. He feels shame but somehow has no conscience, I dont get it.
I think you are underestimating a narcissist. Someone who always feels the need to be the best and force others to believe the same, they must lie, destroy those that disagree or pose a threat, need a codependant to feed their huge ego......ect They will do ANYTHING! NO CONSCIENCE.
This person must show everyone up even though he/she is far from the best at any of these catagories.... sports, work, in bed, cooking, best living quarters,strength, looks. Has to be the center of attention at all times , very controlling, always right....ect.It never ends.
A conscience requires both empathy and the belief that others' needs are important. Sociopaths lack the first; they don't sense your pain. Narcissists lack the second; they sense your pain, but it's not important to them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fishnut
Just because a narcissist believes his own lies does not mean they are not lies. If a person is so in love with themselves that they think "im the best baseball player in the world" whether he believes it or not, he is lieing.
But lying requires some knowledge that what's being said isn't true. If I tell you it's sunny out when I know it's actually raining, that's lying. But if I really believe that it's sunny out (it was sunny when I came in, I haven't looked out a window and I can't hear the raindrops), I'm mistaken--but I'm not lying. A narcissist may really believe himself the best ballplayer in the world--an unappreciated genius who was passed over because the scouts couldn't understand his playing style, and other players schemed against him out of jealousy of his talent. He's flat wrong, but he doesn't think so.
The difference is in why narcissists and sociopaths lie. Narcissists need validation, and they tell their lies to get validation from you. Sociopaths don't; they lie in order to exploit you, but not necessarily to get validation from you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fishnut
"Starved for attention" to me means a need for constant attention...which is a narcissist in a nutshell.
You dont believe Narcissist use excessive charm and deception?
Narcissists may be charming, and they may deceive. The difference is in what they are trying to get from you. See the point above about validation vs. exploitation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fishnut
People with NPD absolutely use people, they are used to feed their ego. If you do not comply you are ignored or detroyed in a workplace environment that is. They also use people to move up the economic ladder.
An update to the Diagnostics & Statistics Manual (the bible for mental health professionals) is due out in 2013 and speculation regarding upcoming revisions has caused a great deal of controversy in the mental health field.
Some reports indicate the American Psychological Association (APA) will condense or combine some of the personality disorders.The Narcissist and Sociopath are strong possibilities.
Its even obvious to health professionals that alot of these disorders carry the same charateristics.
Again, narcissists use people to move up a ladder when moving up a ladder is validating to them. They're entitled (in their POV) to that validation, so moving up is inherently valuable to them. Sociopaths use people to move up ladders because it enables them to exploit more people more extensively; it's instrumental rather than inherently valuable. If moving up a ladder isn't helpful to a sociopath in getting more, they won't care whether they move up, whereas narcissists will want to move up just because.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fishnut
No matter what acronym is attacthed to a disorder, my co-worker is disturbed to say the least. Ive been around a while and never met anyone close to this level of destructive social behavior.
The main difference I see between the 2 disorders is a sociopath tends to be more criminal and gets bored with relationships. This person does not fit that description, as long as his girlfriend feeds his ego constantly, and she does not have a problem with being wrong all the time, they will have a lasting relationship.
Sociopaths don't care whether their egos are fed; they care whether the relationship gets them something. A narcissist needs the relationship to be validating, otherwise there's nothing in it for them.
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. Shame is a narcissist worst enemy. I believe this is what shamelessness defined above in an inderect way was trying to state. I said in one of my quotes he was shameless, I was wrong. He feels shame but somehow has no conscience, I dont get it.
