At what age did you start thinking about your own death? (therapy, mentally)

[Basiliximab]

Originally Posted by Javier77

When I was young (from 0 to 30) death was just an abstract word like love, hate, or friendship. Yes, I knew death was there, we all gonna die and that stuff but I didn´t feel it as part of my life it was so distant, I didn´t pay much attention to the fact that we are here for a while.

My first contact with the death of a loved one was my grandfather when I was 6. I was too little to understand it, then my grandmother died when I was 20, but I lived the whole thing in a theoretical way, feeling what I thought I was supposed to feel, but not really feeling deep inside the weight of human death.


But it all changed when I turned 30. Dono exactly why, but I started to feel the presence of death.I surprised myself thinking about infinite. Infinte joy in Heaven, infinite pain in Hell, infinite nothingness in a black void, infinit reincarnations in infinite new lives.


Maybe God exists, maybe not. But one way or another, death will knock on our doors some day, and "something" will happen, whether we like it or not.

All this started filling my head in my early 30s, and it's been a recurrent subject in my mind since then. (I am 35 now).

I had a few anxiety attacks. I remember the past summer, I was walking into a mall and started looking at people.Old folk, children, women...dogs, cats, flies, flowers every single living creature some day will be gone "all this people walking by will die, I am walking around future death people,and so am I" and I felt so bad I had to walk out to the street and breath some air, almost fainted.


I guess being aware of death makes you value more life. Now I use my time more wisely than in my 20s, but at the same time I lived much more carefree in my 20s, so sometimes I miss those days.


I wonder at what age did you start worrying about death? (if you worry about death at all) Did that make you change your behavior, your priorities, your attitude?

Death has always been a complex, perhaps contradictory presence in my life. It seems my first memories of it was when, as a child, my mother would discuss with me how she didn't fear death for she thought of it as ceasing to exist (or in words to that effect); I was probably around eight or ten or so. I seem to recall applying this to thoughts of my own death and perhaps from that developed my disregard/ lack of any great feeling to my own death.

Then I had suicidal thoughts in high school and would cut myself at times; I would romanticize bleeding away and dying. Nothing physically serious resulted from this.

When I was around 27, I came into contact with a few people suffering from a particular disease and I felt a connection with them that somehow became translated into hypochondriacal thoughts that this is what I would die of. I never wished to become a hypochondriac, but for some reason, the thought will not leave me. From this time on, I was and am convinced I will not live to a very old age (I have some symptoms of the disease, though nothing has been diagnosed. When the symptoms occur though, the thoughts of the disease become more prevalent in my mind).

When I say death has a contradictory role in my life, I mean it in that so far I have not experienced anyone's death who is close to me. Although of course it is fortunate, I cannot get rid of the thought that I--now in my thirties--am vastly underprepared for when the situation will occur, or that by now I for some reason should have experienced it, as it seems that experiencing the death of a loved one shouldn't make a subsequent death any easier, though I cannot know anything about that. Yet it seems at times to obsess me, has seem to become a looming dark presence in my mind; it seems I am always awaiting it (in the form of the death of a loved one). The pessimist that I am, I am constantly awaiting for the deaths of a great many whom I love, all at once or about the same time. This thought occurs on more occasions than not.

I don't *worry* about death though. It will happen according to God's plan, and there is nothing I can do to change it, nor should I wish for that. I just pray I will have the strength to accept His will.

So in answer to your question, the thought of my impending death has been a prevailing presence in my mind starting in my late twenties.

[Fraptree]

Wife and I didn't become parents until our late thirties. Now thinking when she hits twenty we'll be closing in on our sixties. Now I'm thinking How long will we last.

[Exitus Acta Probat]

My father died when I was 25...didn't bother me much. A kind uncle died around 8 months later...I was sad for his death but didn't think about it much. When I was 39 roughly a year and a half ago, I began sleeping on my back. Unbeknownst to me, I fell victim to "night terrors" due to sleep apnea. This wrecked my life -- I suddenly became claustrophobic, afraid of water, and afraid of sleeping. All this fear generated a spiritual crisis where I suddenly became aware of my own mortality, and death was no longer something I disregarded as something that happens to others and that I shouldn't concern myself with.

I'm still scared ****less about death, but I've learned to bury the fear. I feel like I'm a very different person than before -- life will never be the same. It's almost like I died in a way at the age of 40, and now my life is in a transitional phase between this one and what lies afterward. Weird...

[Trimac20]

Oh boy don't get me started. Always a thoughtful, contemplative person, I grasped the finality of death at a young age, although I wouldn't say I thought of death a great deal until a couple of years ago when my anxiety started getting bad and I started getting panic attacks. Preface to that, from about 2007-2010 I was obsessed with hell/eternal torment (something which hadn't actually bothered me that much before) and that caused me some fear. Prior to that, and still now, my fear of death was mostly the fear of non-existence. The analogy of 'eternal sleep', comforting for so many, caused me intolerable distress at times. I found the idea intolerable. I hope this doesn't make anyone here's fear worse, but if the materialists are right and death is the end of consciousness, the entirely of Existence is contained between our births and our deaths, and when we die the Universe and Time itself literally ends. And I was like, people are cool with that?? I guess that drew me towards a spiritual answer, and a grasping towards belief in life after death.

Last year when i finally went to the States I had a panic attack after 3 nights of no sleep in LA. Thought I was having an 'adrenaline attack', paralysed, felt my chest caving in, for the first time in my life I was terrified that this was it, that I was going to die. I remember vividly riding in the taxi the streets of Hollywood thinking this could be it, gone forever...where was my faith in God and Heaven? I feared it truly revealed the extent of my doubts. I felt so utterly alone, so desperate...let's just say this situation repeated itself in New York and Boston, and ever since then, I've lived with the fear that I would die soon, and that my life is a failure.

Ironically, sometimes the brevity and insignificance of life makes life seem worth LESS, since if it's only gonna be here for such a short time you might as well not have it at all. It makes me too fearful/depressed to be TRULY joyful. Sometimes, when not so anxious, eternal sleep doesn't seem so bad, but deep down I believe there's more than just this material physical existence.

[RogueMom]

Originally Posted by Dollydo

When my father died, I was age 63...thought about my own mortality.

This is true of a lot of people I guess - when they lose a parent.

I became clearly aware of the "reality" of my own mortality when I turned 50. There's just no getting around the reality at that point that most of your life is behind you, rather than ahead of you. I have also noticed that many "icons" of my youth are aging and passing away, etc. Another sign.

This has become even more crystal clear to me since my father died a few weeks ago. It seems like I have "moved up" a notch in the circle of life.

The realization is not a bad thing really; it has forced me out of complacency and into action on some changes I urgently need to make in my life. I'm ready to take some risks I was sitting on the fence about before.

[SOON2BNSURPRISE]

Wow. Hopefully not for another 100 years when I am closer to age 150. I don't spend a lot of time on things that I have no control over. We as a people can take better care of out bodies to help us live longer and have a better quality of life. Other than that, why worry about it?

[Chava61]

My biological mother died just under a month before my 6th birthday. So I was exposed to death on a personal level at a very young age and I realized that we don't have all the time in the world to do stuff sometimes. But since I have already surpassed the age at which she died and many of my relatives have lived to very old ages, I don't worry too much about it any more except knowing that the older one gets some things become less likely to happen.

[Lunar Delta]

After some intense contemplation, I discovered the true nature of death when I was 12 years old. It was very upsetting.

It doesn't bother me all that much now. Why be afraid of nothing? (Literally!) Dying, on the other hand, still does.

[Bette]

Death had not really touched anyone I knew well until I was a senior in high school - then, it was a girl (popular) in a car accident, a friend (girl) shot by her boyfriend, a guy walking across the road celebrating graduation and he gets hit by a car; our band leader committing suicide.

This is over 35 years ago and yes, I still remember all of them. It was a lot to take in.

I have faith and I have always wondered why God gave me the struggles I face every day, however, there are many catching up with me. I have a BIL who was always in excellent health, good shape, worked out and was diagnosed with Parkinsons Stage 4. So, we never know.

Our family lost my dad and yes, he knew he would go first (congestive heart failure), then my MIL, then my mom. It wasn't until my mom's passing and we talked about it (she was ready to go to be with Jesus). For some odd reason, it gave me peace.

I have thought about it and I'm not so worried as I was. I mean, I have faith but I feel I have more to do here.

[harhar]

My grandparents died when I was a teenager and my father was in the hospital at the same time, but it only affected me subconsciously.

I didn't really think about death until my early 20's while in school, studying Existentialism.

It sounds a bit pretentious (and I was very at the time) but I really felt a sense of urgency after reading Sartre, Heidegger and Kierkegaard that semester. This gave me the courage to ask my future wife out.

Now that I'm in my 30's, before I go to sleep, I sometimes wonder about nothingness and a cold sweat comes over me. It's now less of a motivator and more of just an "unknown."

Unknowns in general really upset me. I need to know or at least think I know what's going to happen. Yes, there are "theories," and I tend to subscribe to an Eternal Return type theory, but really...who knows.