Craving touch/physical affection is an important part of being human... (mom, problems)
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What you've said is spot on. I'm very grateful that I get touched, hugged and kissed on a daily basis by my beautiful children, my sweetheart and members of my family. It's basically been this way my whole life. I don't know what it's like to not touch or to not be touched by others for long periods of time; I probably wouldn't do so well with that. I'm sort of a touchy person and will sometimes gently touch a person's hand, arm, shoulder or back when the occasion calls for it during conversation. From reading this thread, I now know that there are some people who really and truly don't like to be touched! When I think about all of the people throughout my life that I've innocently touched in this way who may have been genuinely repulsed by it, it makes me feel bad that I may have made them feel that uncomfortable.
To the anonymous repper who says he or she falls into the category of not being touched hardly ever, I feel bad for you. I hope you don't let that ruin your perception of how wonderful and healthy (as the quoted poster has stated) touch really is and can be for you. Don't you have family that lives near you or close friends you can hug and get hugged by? I would think massage would be a good alternative even though the touch given by the masseuse won't be affectionate or caring; but it'll be way therapeutic for you physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I'm in the category of being completely alone and never being touched. I got divorced 4 years ago, and other than the occasional dating that usually goes nowhere, I don't get touched. Its awful, and I shudder to think that this is my life for the next 40 years, but seems like it is. Of course, I won't live 40 more years because single men don't live as long. I really hate it and fight my depression over it daily. I wanted a family and it all blew up. Now there's zero chance of it happening. My own family lives hundreds of miles away and we aren't close anyway. I am literally all alone in a city I can't stand.
I can empathize with you on the part of being literally all alone. At least I'm not in a city I can't stand. I would be if I was still stuck in Cincinnati, Ohio where I was born. I just really don't care much for Santa Ana, California anymore cuz everyone just wants to talk way too fast in Spanish all the time. I'm just trying to make the best of my situation.
You say you doubt you'll live another 40 years. You must be older than me. I'm glad I'm so young & healthy. I fight my depression over not getting touched as well. I can't stand it when I see young couples hugging & kissing in public. I also get upset when any store or restaurant plays Celine Dion's version of "The Power of Love" cuz when I lived with my roommates in Bay City, me & the DeafBlind Latina were right next to each other inside a grocery store that played that song. The DeafBlind Latina is not totally Deaf when wearing her hearing aids. She told me she was not mine so I thought she might get mad if I had told the workers I thought they were playing it "for us". Therefore I did not.
Just curious...where do you get the idea that 40 years is your "sentence" to do without touch? Back when my DeafBlind friends in Ohio pushed me away, I estimated my "sentence" was 1,000 days. I started counting the 1,000 days on February 6, 2004 and reached the thousandth day on November 2nd, 2006. I actually went almost twice that long before meeting the DeafBlind of Los Angeles in May of 2009. Then once I had my last cuddle with the DeafBlind Latina, I began another thousand-day count.
When the sign language student cuddled me on the 677th day of that second thousand-day count, I paused my count until she told me the following week she did not want to cuddle again. I then resumed my count until the 731st day which was actually the 2nd anniversary of my last cuddle with the DeafBlind Latina. Thanks to TimeAndDate.com, I already knew my count would reach 1,000 days on June 10, 2012. I just had to stop counting. I won't dare calculate how many days it's been since my last cuddle with the DeafBlind Latina until I'm back in love.
I do find some comfort in listening to songs about relationships on the rocks, one of which is Rob Thomas's "This is How a Heart Breaks", released in 2005. I love the echoes in the Pull Defibrillator Mix.
Where I live is great and I'm really happy here
*except* that it seems I have yet to find a compatible person
with whom to have a relationship (person with whom to cuddle)-
the population density is regrettably low (rural)...
Physicality isn't confined to sex, but it saying "affection" still equals "sex" to some people.
Having others of one's species to touch and be touched by, in a friendly/non-threatening manner
is a basic need for most creatures (I always allow for exceptions).
It's a real downer to know there's something which is a need for me,
that I can't figure out how to ameliorate/satiate/remedy.
Groping a stranger fails to be adequate for my wants,
I'd much prefer a regular, recurring relationship with someone I enjoy on many levels.
If I ever get to leave Santa Ana, I'd just wanna move elsewhere in Orange County, California. I love the rest of Orange County
Just like cloven, I want plenty of non-sexual intimacy in my relationship. I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere trying to find a compatible partner. Some people on other message boards tell me how much it's MY fault but I don't agree with them. I've been on disability & unemployed since I was 18. I've always been known to have a medical excuse for my lack of social skills. When that sign language student cuddled me she also asked me for sex. I was polite in my refusal that particular night. I'm ready now but she no longer wants to be in bed with me. I just haven't found any other single ladies. My only two friends in all of Orange County are old ladies. I want friends my own age. This is NOT 2003 when I was with the Ohioan tactile signers. This is 2013 & beyond, in which I am not seeking friends based on their knowledge of sign language and having the medical condition of being DeafBlind. DeafBlind people are naturally elderly, but who I'm looking for now would not naturally be elderly.
I can go months on end without any physical contact. I don't have any close friends or family I see on a regulary basis. I have been known to use sexual contact as a substitute for genuine effection. It doesn't work very well though.
When it gets to be really unbearable I grab one of two cats and make them lie next to me. For as long as they can stand sitting still.
Lack of physical contact leads to depression, hopelessness, constant fatigue, etc. (First hand experience)
I have been known to use sexual contact as a substitute for genuine effection. It doesn't work very well though. Lack of physical contact leads to depression, hopelessness, constant fatigue, etc. (First hand experience)
Give someone a hug today.
I strongly agree with all these points. I'm so glad I have never used sexual contact as a substitute for genuine affection. In fact, I've never even had sex at all in my life yet. I had to get sterilized first cuz I NEVER want children, NOT even just one. Earlier this year I was confirmed sterile, so once I have a partner, if she wants sex in addition to genuine affection (most will), I'm able & willing. She just has to feel the same way as I feel about children, though. I'd never date a lady who's so determined to have a baby that she'd go behind my back to F*** a fertile man who may have an STI then I get the STI next time I make love to her. Uh-uh, man!
I grew up in a family where physical touch was in the form of a punch hit or slap I've only been hugged a few times, I was not abused I grew up in a very strict family. And whenever someone touches me I tense up, I do crave physical touch of any sort, but will deny it, because why offer something that only lasts for a few seconds
I'm in the category of being completely alone and never being touched. I got divorced 4 years ago, and other than the occasional dating that usually goes nowhere, I don't get touched. Its awful, and I shudder to think that this is my life for the next 40 years, but seems like it is.
Sounds familiar. It will be almost 4 years (in October) since my partner passed, so I am a widower.
Quote:
Just like cloven, I want plenty of non-sexual intimacy in my relationship. I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere trying to find a compatible partner
Hel-lo!
I've had two lovers and one one-night-stand since then, and it was the desire for affection...to give and recieve it... that drew me into these relationships. Affection, touch, making love...that's a big thing for me, and it was a big deal for me and my late partner.
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I'm very grateful that I get touched, hugged and kissed on a daily basis by my beautiful children, my sweetheart and members of my family. It's basically been this way my whole life. I don't know what it's like to not touch or to not be touched by others for long periods of time; I probably wouldn't do so well with that. I'm sort of a touchy person and will sometimes gently touch a person's hand, arm, shoulder or back when the occasion calls for it during conversation. From reading this thread, I now know that there are some people who really and truly don't like to be touched! When I think about all of the people throughout my life that I've innocently touched in this way who may have been genuinely repulsed by it, it makes me feel bad that I may have made them feel that uncomfortable. 
