U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-13-2013, 08:26 PM
 
Location: Tampa, Florida
666 posts, read 1,027,784 times
Reputation: 525

Advertisements

Hi, I am back.

This is my case, for those who remember me I had some issues in the past months but right now I am feeling a bit better, although I have had to made some sad but necessary decisions in order to try to survive in a world where honestly I don't really fit in.

Yesterday, a good night of bowling turned somewhat bitter for me when one of the guys approached and out of nowhere asked me about some posts I make on Facebook and asked if I had some issues because I was being too negative. He is not the only person who have judged me as such, although not everyone has done it (whether they think it or not of my knowledge).

I have many reasons and have had enough experiences in my life to generally distrust people. I used to be a man of dreams and a very optimistic attitude, although I recognize I tend to criticize things, but unfortunately life has made me what I am and I cannot change. I am going to be downright honest here and I know some of you may possibly have no sweet words for me on this issue but honesty for me is better than faking things that are not working. I am not a person that people tend to like when they know me. In all my life, out of 10 people, 4 dislike me, 2 like me and the other 4 are indifferent. In what I now call the "4 delusional years" (2008-2012) I may had apparently made some friends, but at the end I am back to where I used to be, almost no friends and highly asocial. The difference is that now I don't want to be accepted by society. I don't want to change in order to fit in a society I have observed that likes to fake a positive attitude. Let me explain.

We have to be realistic in this life. Period. Life, first, is not fair. If you analyze and listen closely to people, how they act, how we are proceeding, the outcome is uncertain. Divorce rates are high. Unemployment rates are not in an acceptable number. There is poverty. Crime. Corruption. These are FACTS. I notice these so called "positive attitude" people decide to, in order to not have their energy drained, ignore these facts, on the basis that they cannot do anything, and they are right in a matter of speaking. But in my perspective, this attitude looks like indifference and carelessness on a situation that affects us all.

At my age, I can't and will not return to a mindset of dreaming on things that cannot happen. I believe negativity comes when you think something cannot be done or is not right or good when you don't have the slightest clue of the outcome. For example- a person is negative if he thinks he will not pass an exam. But I don't consider a person "negative" if he says that the world is screwed up. The difference is clear- one is uncertain, the other is undeniable. Whoever believes that the world has a future with the current events happening in the world is, in my opinion, having a delusional positivism that at the end, will end in deception and discouragement. The world's problems HAVE solutions; but we all know, deep inside, that those solutions require that the majority of people cooperate and work together for it. But in order to do it we need to end prejudices, fanaticism and other aspects that act as "bumps" to achieve the solution.

I understand that whatever cannot be fixed maybe it is not worth the time thinking it over. But I also understand that ignoring something serious is also irresponsible, arrogant and denotes lack of sympathy for others. We have to remember that not everybody is lucky enough to be raised in a healthy family, and/or that not everybody have a relatively "non-stop" life of success, and for these people if they don't develop a sense of empathy for others, they end up thinking that everyone is able and capable of reaching a level of success that REALISTICALLY will never that way.

Let's use the example of the job market. Today, the job market does not work the way it used to be. In the old days, when the Internet was only used by the Pentagon and the military, jobs were applied on-site and on career fairs. Today, you go to a career fair and half of the companies will tell you to go online and apply. You see, REALISTICALLY a problem appears when this happens. Anyone with a computer can apply online, and combined with the high number of unemployed and discontented employed who apply to a single position, a job opening turns into a mini-lottery. Some people will tell me "you are being negative". See, here is where I conclude that people in general have a preference of living life without any sense of objectivity. A negative thinking is to conclude that "you will never find a job" based on what I am saying. But to say that "it's complicated to find a job that way" is NOT a negative thinking. I guess people are so used to the usual real-negative expressions that whenever one comes with a realistic situation, then the person is labeled as negative.

I have to say that I was so pissed yesterday that being not the first time this is said to me, I have decided to screw up everybody with the exception of my immediate family and only friend, and am currently processing the photos from Facebook to send them somewhere else (like Google+ and Picasa) and delete my Facebook account. I am really pissed with society. I have decided I really need to find the way to limit my "social skills" to the extremely necessary like work and study, and try to be as least personal as possible and spend my free time on my videogames, travelling, books and overall meditational life. I am not saying that I don't want and will avoid people, but definitely the desire to meet people is no longer there. I won't force society or anyone to tolerate a "negative" person like me if it's the way they insist on labeling me, but I will never, ever become a delusional positive person again. I certainly believe I have been positive in many aspects in my life but I think people just don't focus on them because they are busy looking up my defects and this is a problem most people tend to do with others. They don't notice it. But that is why society is so persistent on TV and movies that involve negative things. Tell me, when is a "positive" program up in the ratings? In my Facebook I use to post different pictures from all over the world, in order to instill interest in travelling, and sometimes I also post positive posts from news or quotes... but it looks like people are more focused on the posts of serious political and social situations and they criticize me on them, so better stepping aside and look for my mode of survival while I live. There is this thought that if "many people" agree you are doing something wrong, then it means you have a problem. Sometimes, it's true. But I am, by nature, different. I cannot be what society expects me to be because I don't like to be "someone else" in the world. It looks to me the people insist on being delusionally positive (the world will get better, things will improve, etc. Nothing will improve if we keep an attitude of negative competition, selfishness, lack of sexual control and trickery to succeed. This is the ugly truth...deal with it. Delusional positivism or realistic negativity. There are things in life that at the end, will only have these two exits.

Last edited by espizarro; 02-13-2013 at 09:23 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-23-2013, 08:50 AM
 
106 posts, read 83,934 times
Reputation: 34
People are negative for the following reasons IMO:

- persistent problems
- unresolved issues


so yeah, the positive psychology people are hypocrites and fools (like most spiritualists lol..) who say to love all but hate the negative people haha....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-23-2013, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Northeastern US
14,190 posts, read 9,075,797 times
Reputation: 6079
My wife has withdrawn from FB on a few occasions and most recently, I suspect, for good. In her case she is just a private person and has never been comfortable being that "exposed", so her motivations are different. Her precipitating case was a relative posting pictures of her without permission. But regardless of the motivation, FB is lacking IMO as an online outlet unless you are super extroverted and/or superficial. I keep my account open only because my daughter is such a FB enthusiast and I wouldn't hear from her much unless I check out her timeline every few days.

As to the question of negativity being a natural outcome of objectivity ... negativity is a RESPONSE to life. I would say the natural outcome of objectivity / realism is that life ceases to blow sunshine up your touche and you have to deal with things most people sweep under the proverbial carpet. Such as, the fact of your own mortality; the fact that regardless of what you (don't) believe about the gods, they are clearly asleep at the switch; the fact that we are born alone and die alone and can't ever 110% trust anyone along the way; the fact that anyone you care about can be taken from you at any time for any reason or for no reason; etc. These are not easy, pleasing truths but how we respond to them are up to us. I don't see any percentage in either papering such things over with "nice-ities" on the one hand, or with negativity on the other. I try to just be matter of fact and let these things be as they are without judgment.

While I tend to judge these aspects of life (with judgments like "utter waste of my valuable time" or "pointless") I find a better overall result just regarding them dispassionately. The reason is that no one (and especially not an indifferent universe) gives a fig what I think or feel about it or whether I think it's fair or right. It's only so much impotent railing. I rail because I am attached to particular outcomes when there is no empirical basis for me to have such expectations. So I try, with mixed success, to let go of my judgments about life and let it be as it is. I change what I am able to, which isn't much, and I let the rest go. What else, really, can you do?? Be true to the light you have in any given moment, do your best, let the chips fall where they may (including in a million unredeemable pieces if need be).

Life is finite, it doesn't go on forever, and so no matter what the situation, we can truthfully say, "this, too, shall pass". As such, I do my best to just be that person who has nothing to lose anyway. I laugh at life as the absurdity that it is. Consider this as a third possible response to life, beyond being a Pollyanna or a Debbie Downer.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-23-2013, 11:20 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,498,926 times
Reputation: 39856
Quote:
Originally Posted by accencao View Post
People are negative for the following reasons IMO:

- persistent problems
- unresolved issues
And when that is true, those kinds of folks should seek professional help.

Negativity is a choice.

But it does not have to be a life sentence, it CAN be overcome.

MANY MANY folks do overcome their problems and issues.

And some people even manage to avoid being negative no matter what their problems or issues.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-23-2013, 11:53 AM
 
106 posts, read 83,934 times
Reputation: 34
OK, but then I don't think people should be dismissed out of hand. But then the double standard of universal kindness and dismissal of negative is funny to say the least....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-05-2014, 03:08 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,248 times
Reputation: 12
I too am searching for clarification on "being perceived as negative" but am also very interested in finding out how to change this perception.

So I was told recently at work that I am perceived as negative, which in a way I knew, but I still feel very misunderstood about it. Here's why.

I am someone who is always looking for ways to grow and improve myself and things around me, and I honestly believe this desire becomes misunderstood and my opinions are labeled simply as negative. So when there are issues I'm aware of at work that I'd like to help change, I try to. There are many folks that don't even try, and have just gone limp...I see them as being much more negative than trying to make positive changes. But I don't say anything, I respect their choice.

The flip side of what I think is my positive intent isn't coupled with a diplomatic presentation. I know I can be brash and loud about how I state my case, much more unpleasant than the content itself. Maybe thats it? As I type this, it seems pretty obvious.

So how do I reprogram myself to be able to handle these tough topics with grace and the ability to engage others rather than repel them?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-05-2014, 03:29 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,818 posts, read 2,195,995 times
Reputation: 2773
People in general are afraid of weakness, of failure, of their own shortcomings. So, when someone appears to have a negative attitude about life, that person sparks other people's fears about their own shortcomings and the negative things that exist in their own lives.

I agree that facing life as it is and not trying to sugar-coat it is a good thing. It makes you stronger in that it makes you realistic. You're able to face life honestly and figure out real ways to make your own life better, because you're not blowing smoke up your own touche (love that!).

But, you also must remember that ours is a disgustingly superficial society and MOST people do not have the proverbial balls to face the truth and deal with it. Myself, I used to be more honest in my interactions with people about whatever difficulties were happening with me, because I assumed that other people would want to listen, share their own experiences, etc. I also assumed that my being honest and forthcoming was a good thing, that I was "sharing" myself and not being fake. But over the years, what I found is that more often than not, whatever struggles you have will be used against you. Some people can take the smallest thing and blow it up into something it's not, just to make you look bad. So I've learned to play the game better, pretend like everything's fine and deal with whatever issues I might have on my own.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-09-2014, 06:47 PM
 
2 posts, read 22,371 times
Reputation: 17
youre the first person Ive heard make an ounce of sense in the last 15 years. I am programmed just like you and youre the only other person Ive heard speak the same way I do. well, if its any consolation, there is at least one other person who thinks, feels, sees and lives with the same social situations as you do...and has resorted to the same way of dealing with it...only difference, is I am a woman
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-10-2014, 06:20 AM
 
Location: Buxton UK
4,970 posts, read 4,512,138 times
Reputation: 2383
Negative is a state of mind, not a person. You're not in a position to make value judgments about others, you are in ignorance of their life's events until the present moment. Some people may display more negative behavior types than others a lot, it's on a sliding scale. But they may also experience good states of mind. Their job is all about undoing negative states of mind by finding some love inside them in the correct environment and the correct company.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-10-2014, 10:12 AM
 
2,079 posts, read 2,601,869 times
Reputation: 3947
I'm not negative, I'm just a realist.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top