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I do not disagree with your concept. However, lust is considered to be a very early stage of love for men.
In other words LOVE can be defined in a progressive line that starts with attraction (love at first sight), lust, romantic enchantment, and ends with long term commitment and attachment.
However, lust is considered to be a very early stage of love for men. And for women, in the past it was not deemed socially acceptable, or natural for a female to lust after a man, these days, some females do chase a man, but most still prefer to be lusted after, chased and/or courted by a certain male, in other words, the female chases a man untill she is caught.
Contrary to popular belief, amongst males.., it is the female who picks her male mate, not the other way around.
In other words LOVE can be defined in a progressive line that starts with attraction (love at first sight), lust, romantic enchantment, and ends with long term commitment and attachment.[/quote]
You hit the nail on head with the above statement Julian, with one exception, attraction is not always love at first sight, and doesn't necessarily mean love will blossom from attraction.
I read your message, notice it was about 4 years old, but felt oh so connected because THIS IS ME. This has always been me. I am 42 years old and have spent the majority of my like trying to understand if nature or nurture made me this way. I am pretty certain nurture is the cause. If I were to give into labels, I would accept, at least one theory, that it's borderline personality disorder.
I'm curious...Since 2016, have you any better understanding about why you are the way your are?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyUnbelivable
Could it be that some people are unable to feel love? I am 49 years old and have been loved, deeply loved by many men thru out my life. I have loved none. A few times I thought I did, but invariably the "feeling" went away very quickly. Eventually I loose all interest in the man, to the point that I can not stand his smell, his personality, or being touched by him. I only feel disgust.
I don't feel any deep love toward my still living mother. Or relatives. The love for my child did not come instantly like I always heard women say about their own children.
I have never been faithful. Never once. I don't feel great sadness over the mishaps or tragedies of others. I resent women who try to get too friendly.
I don't want to be alone, and so I have forced myself to stay in my present relationship. I know if I leave this one, it will be the exact same all over again with the next one. I am exceptional at making a man feel that he is loved. My ability for deception is something to behold. I see couples who still love each other after many years and I do not believe that they actually do feel that way.
I have been to a few counselors but after the first meeting I can tell that there is nothing to be gained. Perhaps I need a very specific type of counselor, or a psychologist?
I know that it is not "normal" to feel, or "not feel" like I do. There has to be something wrong, in my brain perhaps. Could anyone give me advice as to what kind of health or mental professional I need to see? Is there anyone reading this who is like me?
LOL: bunch of people roll in, with maybe 1 or 2 post counts, passionately exclaim "wow, this is exactly like me!" Then roll out, never to be seen again. And you want one of them to respond, a 2 post person. They're long gone, chief.
Punchline is funny I didn't find this thread myself, unless I already replied somewhere and didn't see it. I'm a male version of that described. I wondered if it was psychopathy; nah, doesn't seem to be fortunately...but before I go on, to appease the thread nannies, must state: "I am not now, nor have been, a psychology professional. My opinions are my own, based on the school of hard knocks, and subjective to my experiences as an Introvert STEM professional of good social standing and excellent overall contribution to society in terms of taxes paid at-least."
Therefore, "I think" that we...meaning me, too...become wound up over this from our 20s-40s, when we realize something is "different." We don't want to be different, sameness is way easier. No, like the bulk of you, we're on the same page: no real intimate relationships, impossible to be true to one partner, indifference to BS and marginal ability to make a partner feel anything at all, decent level of charm, socially acceptable to most appearances, but overall "cold heart."
I've met few others like me, but did realize that "getting married," much less having children, would be hell on earth...for THEM. I have that much EQ and empathy to not subject (IE dupe) a woman into that, not now or ever. Who would want to torment a poor woman with a man who is indifferent, after the "new" wears off. My relationships last about three months, when the new wears off and they see exactly what I am. They flee. The patient stick around, and I get rid of them within a year. I have a FB who's been around about one and a half years, but she's just about had it, too.
In my 50s, I'm now laughing and going, "...And?" I don't care about the why, at current. Become comfortable with what you are, learn to over time. Go talk to a real shrink if there is a way to break on through to a new, loving reality: I truly don't know, or care, if that is possible.
Awesome thread, only if to see those like one's self turn up on rare occasion.
And earlier, poignant quote (2016): I have been to a few counselors but after the first meeting I can tell that there is nothing to be gained. Perhaps I need a very specific type of counselor, or a psychologist?
I know that it is not "normal" to feel, or "not feel" like I do. There has to be something wrong, in my brain perhaps. Could anyone give me advice as to what kind of health or mental professional I need to see? Is there anyone reading this who is like me?
(A, to the latter question): Why, yes there are! We're a very few on a very small boat in a very big ocean.
I’m so glad I found this thread. I thought I was alone. Like many others, I fear I can’t fall in love or love, and no I didn’t have any traumas in my life and I’m not narcissistic. I think that’s just how I’m wired. I think I’m just going to have to settle for a “life partner”,which is what most “in love”relationships devolve into eventually anyways after those euphoric in love feelings wear Off. Maybe we are just ahead of the game? I can name a few girls who I kind of felt that “love at first sight”feeling through my 38 year old life, but I never got to asking them out, so maybe I can fall in love. I don’t know. But I do know it’s hard for me to have those feelings, and would likely be hard to maintain.
I’ve also noticed that most of the posters that can’t fall in love seem to write very atriculate posts, so maybe they tend to be very intelligent?
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, it is the female who picks her male mate, not the other way around.
How i found you is beyond me
