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Hello my name is Jonathan and I think I have a concentration/focusing problem. Before I mention my symptoms I would like to mention that I've had clinical depression since I was 12-13 years old. Ive seen a psychiatrist and psychotherapist and it helped me to no avail. The only medication I've ever taken was Amitriptyline. It worked for a little while but then I just grew immune to it. These are my following symptoms...
-Uncontrollable anger and rage
-I tend to drift off when someone is talking to me, and miss key points of what they just said
-Very outspoken, but if someone who is more outspoken and knowledgeable than me talks, I stay quiet
-I can't lay down and just relax or watch TV, I can only do it for a few minutes then I have to walk around and talk to myself.
-I often think about the future and feel hopeful and hopeless about it at the same time
-theres always something on my mind (but i guess you can already see that)
I also have chronic migraines, but I've learned to control it a little better the past few years. Sometimes they're unbearable, sometimes they're just really annoying.
I'm also incredibly mad at the world, and everyone around me. People always miss me, but I never miss them (hardly ever). I feel like I still have demons that i'm fighting inside of me on a daily basis. I'm so egotistical and obnoxious, and lately I think I realized why I'm like that. I've come to the revelation, that I'm not happy about anything, but only money. Even activities I'm interest in, or would want to do, don't give me a drive or a passion to pursue it, because I know in a few weeks, I'll lose interest in it (again). Some days I feel like I have it all figured out, some other days I feel like I completely lose myself and my purpose.
I don't know what the hell this is, I don't want to hear the "go see professional help" crap either, because I've already done that on multiple occasions, IT DOESN'T WORK. I don't know who I am, what I am, or the reasons I experience all of these symptoms. I'm 23 years old and I don't feel like I don't have anything figured out.
You sound like a friend of mine who is hyperactive.
Search google.com for ADHD and ADD.
Idk where to go to get this thing diagnosed. I've been to a psychotherapist she said, "Oh no you're fine". I went to a psychoitrist and he said, "You're probably just experiencing symptoms of your depression". It's incredibly frustrating, I wish I could just get a straight answer.
You do present a lot of symptoms of ADHD, but no one here can say you have it unless you get evaluated in person, and you don't wish to do that.
The "outspokenness" or "egotism" aren't necessarily parts of ADHD, but there is a lot of impulsivity with ADHD. So if a person without ADHD has a thought or opinion in their head, they might hold it in and choose when to say it. A person with ADHD might not always have that ability, so they blurt it out, sometimes not in the best situations. If the thought or opinion they blurt out is self-serving, then yes, that can come off as arrogant and egotistical.
A lot of people with ADHD do have problems with anger and rage, partly related to the frustration the inattention and impatience can cause, and partly related to the impulsivity, not being able to effectively modulate feelings like anger.
Feeling conflicted about the future (both hopeful and hopeless) is pretty normal, especially for a 23 year old. I don't see that as the signal of any kind of problem.
Amitriptyline is a very old antidepressant that is sometimes also used for ADHD that doesn't respond to traditional ADHD meds. I wouldn't just rule out all meds forever based on the experience with amitriptyline.
Not everyone with ADHD needs meds. Some find that they can only function effectively while on meds. You might not want any professional help right now, and that's fine, as long as you learn some ways on your own for coping with these symptoms. Find some good books on ADHD, including some with self-help exercises and techniques. Some books on managing impulsive anger might also be helpful. But self-help books only really help if you actually want to make a change, and if you really seriously do the work outlined in the books. It's possible that self-help or support groups focused on ADHD or anger could also help, but that's very dependent on the makeup of the group and your own feelings about being in a group.
People only need mental health treatment if they are experiencing significant distress from their symptoms, and their attempts to handle the symptoms on their own (informed by books or support groups) have not worked. We don't know if you have ADHD, but if you at least go with that assumption, that you have a lot of the components of ADHD, you can at least define the problem (for now) and attack it yourself.
Idk where to go to get this thing diagnosed. I've been to a psychotherapist she said, "Oh no you're fine". I went to a psychoitrist and he said, "You're probably just experiencing symptoms of your depression". It's incredibly frustrating, I wish I could just get a straight answer.
Ask your regular medical doctor about having a "Neuropsychological Evaluation". He/she could refer you to someone who could do that.
To learn more about that testing, search google.com for the following words...
Neuropsychological Evaluation ADHD
And do read up about ADHD (Search google.com). See if it sounds like a possibility with yourself. (Maybe yes, maybe something different???)
I don't know what the hell this is, I don't want to hear the "go see professional help" crap either, because I've already done that on multiple occasions, IT DOESN'T WORK.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathanp219
Idk where to go to get this thing diagnosed.
Wait, are you saying you want professional help? I thought you made it pretty clear in your first post that you don't. No one else can diagnose you except a professional.
I know this is going to be tough to swallow, but this is an almost universal condition at the age of 23. Most people feel like this through their lives. I feel like this sometimes. You're not going to have much more figured out at the age of 23 then you are at 73. You're not going to find any satisfaction through a clinical label because nothing really points towards a disorder, it just sounds normal. What sounds a little more important is your anger issues specifically your self-hate as well as the anger towards the world, that is something you could bring up with a counselor if you feel up for working through it. Losing yourself and your purpose in life is a real problem but it's not helpful to class yourself as mentally incapable.
How are things with your girlfriend? Are you still together? What help or support does she offer?
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