U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-06-2013, 04:00 PM
 
20 posts, read 18,874 times
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

Mod cut: New users may not post links.

I'm going to admit that in my past relationship, I would do that on purpose to see if he would snap at anything and had walked with my cellphone and one day I secretly installed a recorder. It was only during arguments that I would yelled at him, get in his face and say the most derrogative things ever. I hate to say this but I was once expecting him to fail but he passed. We've lasted 3 years together till he walked out one day and I haven't heard from him since. I was then informed by my friends and others that it took him several months later for him to start dating again and making friends.

At times I find myself doing this my bf Omar. I guess it's my way of not getting hurt like I've seen in happened to certain relatives and my best friend. But this got into me when certain male members in my family would excused themselves and come with the ''Well maybe the woman shouldn't be pushing his buttons too far and this wouldn't happen''. Yes, a female relative of mine was verbal and did similar things to what I did but the guy would respond physically in return. Unexcusable.

My bf so far still passes. Don't know if I should continue doing this. At the same time I don't wanna get hurt but then sometimes I'm still guilty of trying to get him to fail, only he would get caught as everything would be recorded.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 06-06-2013 at 07:36 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-06-2013, 04:19 PM
 
13,008 posts, read 12,434,284 times
Reputation: 37260
I don't think it's a good idea. It's wrong to manipulate people.

That said, when I was fighting with my favorite ex one time early in our relationship, part of me was curious to see what he would do. We were really tearing it up, and part of me remembered that people had warned me that "guys like him" (ex-bikers) were often abusive. If he'd hit me, well, he could've killed me. He had arms that are as big around as my thighs, and I"m not a small woman. When we'd argue though, he'd never touch me or even let himself get closer than within a few feet of me. He knew exactly how strong he was. I respected that distance too and never got in his face on the few occasions we argued.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Emerald Coast, FL
5,216 posts, read 7,922,720 times
Reputation: 8412
You're trying to provoke an abusive response, as a test? You're sick.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 04:23 PM
 
20 posts, read 18,874 times
Reputation: 10
I know it's wrong and sometimes I do feel guilty but at least I don't. I think what gets me concern a bit more is thinking it was deserved. Yet, had my ex bf and current bf touch me in anger saying shut up as a male relative would do to his wife or hit me, just like the OP, I would immediately turn on my cell.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,026 posts, read 37,656,456 times
Reputation: 73631
Quote:
Originally Posted by FloraBelle View Post
I was recently in loveshark.org site and this post caught my attention:
I might start testing a man's temper in my next relationship - LoveShack.org Community Forums

I can relate to the OP because I've done something like that before on an ex bf and at times do it on my current bf of 2 years.

I'm going to admit that in my past relationship, I would do that on purpose to see if he would snap at anything and had walked with my cellphone and one day I secretly installed a recorder. It was only during arguments that I would yelled at him, get in his face and say the most derrogative things ever. I hate to say this but I was once expecting him to fail but he passed. We've lasted 3 years together till he walked out one day and I haven't heard from him since. I was then informed by my friends and others that it took him several months later for him to start dating again and making friends.

At times I find myself doing this my bf Omar. I guess it's my way of not getting hurt like I've seen in happened to certain relatives and my best friend. But this got into me when certain male members in my family would excused themselves and come with the ''Well maybe the woman shouldn't be pushing his buttons too far and this wouldn't happen''. Yes, a female relative of mine was verbal and did similar things to what I did but the guy would respond physically in return. Unexcusable.

My bf so far still passes. Don't know if I should continue doing this. At the same time I don't wanna get hurt but then sometimes I'm still guilty of trying to get him to fail, only he would get caught as everything would be recorded.
This is just embarrassing. It's immature, stupid, manipulative, and could be dangerous.

Let's say you test a NEW guy for the first time, and he fails, and you end up in the hospital.

Then you both fail the test.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 04:28 PM
 
9,665 posts, read 8,310,585 times
Reputation: 3225
Wait, women do this ****?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 04:29 PM
 
20 posts, read 18,874 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude View Post
You're trying to provoke an abusive response, as a test? You're sick.
I do this is wrong but it's like it comes out and suddenly a calm discussion about our differences and other things turns into a argument of me yelling and doing that. I keep telling myself that this will stop but then I find myself doing this again. I think this is my how I'm reacting in fear of what I would see in the family and my best friend. They were stuck with men that had a temper too but would go physically instead of verbal.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 04:31 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,790,060 times
Reputation: 61840
Quote:
Originally Posted by FloraBelle View Post
I was recently in loveshark.org site and this post caught my attention:
I might start testing a man's temper in my next relationship - LoveShack.org Community Forums

I can relate to the OP because I've done something like that before on an ex bf and at times do it on my current bf of 2 years.

I'm going to admit that in my past relationship, I would do that on purpose to see if he would snap at anything and had walked with my cellphone and one day I secretly installed a recorder. It was only during arguments that I would yelled at him, get in his face and say the most derrogative things ever. I hate to say this but I was once expecting him to fail but he passed. We've lasted 3 years together till he walked out one day and I haven't heard from him since. I was then informed by my friends and others that it took him several months later for him to start dating again and making friends.

At times I find myself doing this my bf Omar. I guess it's my way of not getting hurt like I've seen in happened to certain relatives and my best friend. But this got into me when certain male members in my family would excused themselves and come with the ''Well maybe the woman shouldn't be pushing his buttons too far and this wouldn't happen''. Yes, a female relative of mine was verbal and did similar things to what I did but the guy would respond physically in return. Unexcusable.

My bf so far still passes. Don't know if I should continue doing this. At the same time I don't wanna get hurt but then sometimes I'm still guilty of trying to get him to fail, only he would get caught as everything would be recorded.
So you don't really want a strong, loving, relationship you want some guy who can pass a test.......

alrighty then
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 04:32 PM
 
20 posts, read 18,874 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
This is just embarrassing. It's immature, stupid, manipulative, and could be dangerous.

Let's say you test a NEW guy for the first time, and he fails, and you end up in the hospital.

Then you both fail the test.
Usually an abuser starts with a slap or shoves you, not an immediate Chris Brown thing. I know this because that's what my uncle would do to my aunt. Only, she never reported him. I would immediately. I would never dropped charges either.

But see, I also have 2 male friends and I can also tell them what happened. That guy would be the same thing he did to me or maybe slightly worst since it would 2 vs 1.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2013, 04:32 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,790,060 times
Reputation: 61840
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheHurricaneKid View Post
Wait, women do this ****?

Do not be surprised at the levels SOME women stoop to just because they can.......

Unfortunately it is not gender specific men do it as well and the level is just as low.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top