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Are you a worrier? That would be Nine going to Six.
As a mom and a grandma, I would advise you to ditch the sleep meds and deal with your anxieties in healthier ways, but that's another issue.
Lots of extraverts around you. That should be nice for all of you.
Study the Eight, re: Your step-dad - and also "S's" can be very difficult to communicate with for "N's." If you can be polite on the surface andavoid him as much as possible, that would probably be good.
If there are left overs, he eats a bite of everything becuase he knows I don't eat after people. If I try to talk to him, he says I'm draining. My mom has hinted at this, too, but in a more polite way. I feel like we speak different langauges sometimes. He is a vocal supporter of libertarianism. I looked into it, as I was raised apolitical, and it has good points in it. The strange thing is, though, he is concerned about others in the Communtity not living moral lives. Thus, he appears to contradict himself. He is big into conspiracy theories. He believes there is an international league of evil that wants to control us. I originally took this as a sign he would like to talk about what the future could be like, or how things could be better…but he just said that only girls do that kind of thing. Then he said that if everyone carefully obeyed the bible, the league of evil could be overturned. If I begin pondering a question aloud or conjure up one of my fanciful "what-if" scenarios, he says it is not right for somebody my age to be courious about if aliens exist, or if time travel is possible, how would we react as a planet to first contact, if there will be another world war, if superhuman AI will come to be, if violence will ever end, if a tornado hits our house (we live on the very edge of tornado alley, but basements are not allowed in our building code) what will we do, if you could have a superpower what would it be, why do people do what they do, why are words what they are today, what is the nature of knowledge, and/or are there other universes. He always picks on my lack of common sense. I have booksmarts, and I wouldn't mind being able to control my spaciness…
Recently, I've began to worry all the time…
What if I don't make it? What if I am a loser? What if creativity and innovation really are worthless endeavors? Am I morally deficient? Will I die a painful death? What should I major in? Am I wrong not to do things by the book?
I used to adhere strongly to my birth religion, but now I am exploring other schools of thought. This last one is something both my mom and step-father think is dangerous, but they express it differently. I am just trying to understand the big picture. It is folly to adhere blindly to a given set of values without first viewing the alternatives. I won't bother your search, so please return the favor by not bothering mine.
I know it is off-putting to describe one's own intelligence, but to add a dimension of analysis, I'll give a couple metrics:
When I was tested at age 8, I scored 154… 154% the average cognitive power of the average person.
On the ACT, I am holding at a 32.
My GPA is 3.95
Yet I know I can't make it with my endless daydreaming about what the universe is made of. Maybe I should do pharmacy or bookkeeping…something respectable.
If there are left overs, he eats a bite of everything becuase he knows I don't eat after people. If I try to talk to him, he says I'm draining. My mom has hinted at this, too, but in a more polite way. I feel like we speak different langauges sometimes. He is a vocal supporter of libertarianism. I looked into it, as I was raised apolitical, and it has good points in it. The strange thing is, though, he is concerned about others in the Communtity not living moral lives. Thus, he appears to contradict himself. He is big into conspiracy theories. He believes there is an international league of evil that wants to control us. I originally took this as a sign he would like to talk about what the future could be like, or how things could be better…but he just said that only girls do that kind of thing. Then he said that if everyone carefully obeyed the bible, the league of evil could be overturned. If I begin pondering a question aloud or conjure up one of my fanciful "what-if" scenarios, he says it is not right for somebody my age to be courious about if aliens exist, or if time travel is possible, how would we react as a planet to first contact, if there will be another world war, if superhuman AI will come to be, if violence will ever end, if a tornado hits our house (we live on the very edge of tornado alley, but basements are not allowed in our building code) what will we do, if you could have a superpower what would it be, why do people do what they do, why are words what they are today, what is the nature of knowledge, and/or are there other universes. He always picks on my lack of common sense. I have booksmarts, and I wouldn't mind being able to control my spaciness…
Recently, I've began to worry all the time…
What if I don't make it? What if I am a loser? What if creativity and innovation really are worthless endeavors? Am I morally deficient? Will I die a painful death? What should I major in? Am I wrong not to do things by the book?
I used to adhere strongly to my birth religion, but now I am exploring other schools of thought. This last one is something both my mom and step-father think is dangerous, but they express it differently. I am just trying to understand the big picture. It is folly to adhere blindly to a given set of values without first viewing the alternatives. I won't bother your search, so please return the favor by not bothering mine.
I know it is off-putting to describe one's own intelligence, but to add a dimension of analysis, I'll give a couple metrics:
When I was tested at age 8, I scored 154… 154% the average cognitive power of the average person.
On the ACT, I am holding at a 32.
My GPA is 3.95
Yet I know I can't make it with my endless daydreaming about what the universe is made of. Maybe I should do pharmacy or bookkeeping…something respectable.
I'm responding from a couple of different perspectives - one, you are young and super intelligent . . . I was not quite as bright, but I know what it is like to have "big questions" at a young age, and no one to converse with. I took to reading and studying, which it sounds like you have done. My interests as a younger teen were Alan Watts and Zen Buddhism . . . all while practicing Catholicism, which I rejected around that time.
You do have common sense because you have figured out that it is senseless to try to converse with your step-father, due to your differing beliefs and ways of processing information. It is a dead-end, and probably has little to do with your age, except as a minor and someone who is "under his authority" you have less rank than him. You have more rank in terms of intelligence (I am using the word "rank" from Process Work, which is a particular world view which I learned while studying psychology at the graduate level).
It sounds like you have a lot of intense stuff going on . . . If I were to give advice, I would tell you to prioritize your concerns as much as possible and focus on the important things that you can actual affect - like what you will be doing for the next couple of years.
If you can let go of thinking about how you will die, for instance (because hopefully that is not an imminent concern), then you will have more energy to deal with the things that are important now. And intelligent use of energy is super important for a Nine - because of the desire to bliss or numb out . . .
Focus on your health . . .try to get more grounded in your current reality . . .that's my advice. Create a schedule for yourself - put your priorities down on paper - give up arguing with your step-dad - find some other super brilliant people to converse with . . .
I have done some research into my own type: I've been handling everything completely wrong. I am a 9w1, that is clear as glass now. I am at level 4 and I am starting to show hints of moving to level 5. Also, I am Disintegrating.
Yes. You can learn a lot at that site. You have caught on very quickly (sometimes it takes years to really "get" it). Don't put too much stock in "deteriorating" - that is a judgment term and it's all very relative - it does indicate levels of health, so you can educate yourself and try to do those things that would bring you to higher levels of health and be aware of your penchant for wanting to avoid stuff or numb out or bliss out. Your One Wing can help you a lot in this effort . . .as can the Three point . . .
There is also a discussion board on that site and I think it can be useful for learning nuances of your type (observing people of certain type) - but for self-education, I find it of limited use, personally.
In moments with my step father, I notice he complains about how I just zone out in the middle of everyday tasks…just standing there in an oblivious daze.
I think those make me feel like a level 6. I then start worrying. I personally think that, if I'm not really broken, an engineering job might strike a compromise between being responsible and secure on one hand, and having a creative career on the other. In most jobs, lack of awareness makes me miserable. Lack of sleep makes my problems far worse. They are bad even when I get enough sleep, requiring ever ounce of concentration to overcome. If I am underested, it is too much for me to handle.
My variant stack is So/Sx/Sp.
My mother is a type 3. I have a habit of giving into her wishes even if I really don't want to. I just can't separate my will from hers sometimes.
If I can make my relationship with my step-father less bad, it would help my stress levels tremendously. He has a tendency to feed my worries.
I wouldn't be surprised if my GF was a 9w1 like me…. We are nearly identical in personality unless you look extremely close.
On the career research: Check out resources on your MBTI type - I think some of the info is very helpful. As an extravert, are you ok working alone? Or maybe there are engineers who work in teams that would satisfy the "E."
What lights you up? "Follow your bliss" (Joseph Campbell) - especially since you are so smart and have so many options. Don't settle.
Can you avoid your step-father? I think that is the best strategy, if it is possible. If you can pull yourself away from needing his approval, maybe you can have a polite but less distressful relationship with him. When you change, the people in relationship to you have to change (from a systems theory standpoint).
Now that you know about your tendencies with your mom, try to respond differently, even when it's uncomfortable. I have a Nine child and I know how they can accommodate until one day they explode. Nines become resentful over time and that won't help anything. So practice on small things. Again, be polite but try to really stand in your own power.
What are you worried about?
You are very lucky to have such a compatible GF - but if she is a Nine, be aware of how she might be accommodating when she doesn't really want to be. If she is also interested in this stuff, it would be good to talk about some of the tendencies.
You have one of the most challenging variant stacks for a Nine - with the SP last . . .you could have a tendency not to "take care of business." But with your excellent GPA, that obviously hasn't been a factor. What makes you think you are SP last?
In one of the posts above you said you felt that you and your parents speak different languages - I think that's a useful metaphor that will serve you really well if you can remember it - in terms of your different personality styles. You DO speak different languages. So your interactions aren't "personal" in that way (offensively). They can't understand you and you can't understand them . . .
What I have learned (and it took me WAY too long) . . . is not to talk to the Eight (also an S) in the family on the phone about complex issues. That is a surefire recipe for disaster. And this person detests email (which is my preference) . . . I never speak to this person when I am in a bad or vulnerable mood. I keep phone calls short. I made the modification. With the Nines, I have no expectation for intimacy - the Nines in my family can't handle it and they can't handle direct conversations which include questions. I ask lots of questions. So again I have modified my behavior. With the Five, I understand their miserliness, etc.
If you think about your preferred style of communication and theirs you might be able to make some modifications that will make your interactions go more smoothly.
The Threes I know are incapable of intimacy and don't enjoy direct communications or emotional communications - everything is very surface-y. You go to Three in integration, so you should be able to find a common communication style with your mom.
You have one of the most challenging variant stacks for a Nine - with the SP last . . .you could have a tendency not to "take care of business." But with your excellent GPA, that obviously hasn't been a factor. What makes you think you are SP last?
Well, I took the questionnaire on that one and all three came up as extremely close. I remember the So came first for sure, but the Sx and Sp keep switching. I guess I always have an attitude that things will get done EVENTAULLY…
My mother speeds things up by organizing me. I'll take a second look at the variations…manually, this time.
I believe part of the GPA is just being so incredibly booksmart…a combined result of couriousity and just a general ability to understand concepts with little effort.
I love writing Sci-Fi. I have both handwritten and typed manuscripts all over the place. I mainly write novels and novellas, but I have a few long short stories and even a couple micro-fictions in there. I also dabble in poetry. I love showing my work to others and watching them as they read. I love sharing ideas with others. I also paint and sketch. I have rather large arcrylic paintings on my walls. I am also very intellectually courious. Travel is appealing to me. I enjoy the company of dogs.
Regardless, with my variation nearly tied three-ways, I will probably do that manual look, anyway.
As far as worry:
To put it in the very simplest terms…
I worry that my step-father's insults are correct.
I see all these ways they are true, and it depresses me… then I worry I might not be able to fix them.
Well, I took the questionnaire on that one and all three came up as extremely close. I remember the So came first for sure, but the Sx and Sp keep switching. I guess I always have an attitude that things will get done EVENTAULLY…
My mother speeds things up by organizing me. I'll take a second look at the variations…manually, this time.
I believe part of the GPA is just being so incredibly booksmart…a combined result of couriousity and just a general ability to understand concepts with little effort.
I love writing Sci-Fi. I have both handwritten and typed manuscripts all over the place. I mainly write novels and novellas, but I have a few long short stories and even a couple micro-fictions in there. I also dabble in poetry. I love showing my work to others and watching them as they read. I love sharing ideas with others. I also paint and sketch. I have rather large arcrylic paintings on my walls. I am also very intellectually courious. Travel is appealing to me. I enjoy the company of dogs.
Regardless, with my variation nearly tied three-ways, I will probably do that manual look, anyway.
As far as worry:
To put it in the very simplest terms…
I worry that my step-father's insults are correct.
I see all these ways they are true, and it depresses me… then I worry I might not be able to fix them.
It's abusive to put other people down. You are obviously very talented - stay away from your step-dad, he is toxic. He is hurting your self-esteem and you need good self-esteem. Don't waste your time in negativity. If you do nothing else, train yourself now to cancel out negative thoughts and replace them with anything else - divert your attention away from negative self-talk. This should be easy for a Nine!
On the writing - get The Writer's Market - look at who is buying what and send some manuscripts out . . . you have nothing to lose . . .I am so pleased to hear you are interested in art and writing. There are amazing travel jobs that people do - check them out just for fun and see if anything appeals to you. You are young, so you can take chances - you can do a little bit of this and a little bit of that.
I adore dogs too. I think they have amazing souls.
From what you wrote above, it would be awesome if you could find creative jobs - also, if you have extra income (if your parents will support this or if you have a job) go to Amazon and put in whatever your interests are and order $100 worth of books on your interests . . .and get some magazines too . . .(some off-beat ones on your interests).
The Writer's Market is a must, though - I think you can join their online group - there are lots of writer's groups where you can get feedback online - and there are also Meetups where writers workshop . . . if you enjoy that kind of thing. I took a Creative Writing class at a community college around ten times because I enjoyed the format.
You have so many options . . . do not be held back by your step-dad. Start thinking of him as an obstacle that you put in your path to build your strength and character. Do not believe the lies he tells about you. Don't engage. It sounds like a sick game on his part - but I don't really have a good feel for it - maybe he is trying to be "helpful" but is just misinformed. What does your mom think about the way he interacts with you?
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