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Old 07-02-2013, 02:15 PM
 
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Why do family, friends, school mates, work mates, etc. Always tell you that you may end up being like your parents? For example if I had an parent who was a drinker all their life and abusive etc. Why do they think I am going to be the same way? Or if another family relative was a sex offender why do they think I would be one? Even if I had parents who never got married but I did get married later on, why do parents and other friends and family always try to compare you to the other person bringing you down?
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Old 07-02-2013, 02:22 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
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Why? Because of the impact of genetics and environment.
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Old 07-02-2013, 02:37 PM
 
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True but what about will power and being stronger than them and showing them that your not going to be that way?
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Old 07-02-2013, 02:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by disneygogetter View Post
True but what about will power and being stronger than them and showing them that your not going to be that way?
Go for it! That sounds awesome.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Kansas
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I have seen scores of people that did not turn out like their parents or other relatives. I look at people and see characteristics that I do not want and program in my head to avoid such.

Once I was talking with someone. His dad was in prison and when he told me that he said "I suppose now you are going to tell me that you'll end up just like your dad." I was sort of stunned because this guy was a friend. I said "Why would I say that?" He said, "Because my whole life, that is what people have said to me." I thought this was sad and almost programming for failure. Sadly, he ended up in the prison system. I feel that if he would have made the effort to pull himself away from those "roots" and have a life plan that he would not have ended up in the prison system. The issue was easy money, selling drugs, becoming addicted and then attempted armed robbery for starters. Yeah, this was a new experience since generally my friends were, well, not that colorful. I always felt bad that I could not some how get ahead of this because despite everything else he was a good friend.

We all have inclinations and we all have the ability to make choices about those inclinations.

I do think that you can program another for failure and make it very hard for them to see themselves as anything but a failure in the making but that can be turned around.

We all kind of know the kinds of behaviors that lead to deviant actions so we make a choice whether or not to go down that road.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Howard County, MD
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Quote:
Originally Posted by disneygogetter View Post
True but what about will power and being stronger than them and showing them that your not going to be that way?
It's certainly not impossible, but it's a tall order for many people. Like other mammals, humans are largely a product of their environment.
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Old 07-05-2013, 10:21 AM
 
Location: North Idaho
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It's up to you. You have the power of choice.

Many people do end up like their parents, because they just go with the flow and that was the way they were taught and the way they were raised. It is too much effort to learn something new or try something new.

Also, there is pressure from some (not all ) parents to have their children follow in their footsteps. Daddy is a truck driver and he expects the son to join him in the trucking business.

I've heard many parents say that "they never went to college and they did just fine, so their kid doesn't need to go to college".

Mama puts a lot of pressure on daughter to get married and produce grandchildren. So the daughter ends up with the same sort of husband in the same sort of job with the same kids as her mother has, and living in the same town, or even on the same block.

It's hard to move on when a parent won't let go, but it can be done if that is what the individual chooses for himself.
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Old 07-05-2013, 01:39 PM
 
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People do tend to take on characteristics of their parents. It certainly doesn't mean if your mom or dad was a criminal or something that you will too....but the older I get, the more I see traits of my Mom in me. My mom was always overly afraid and hyper-vigilant, and I find myself doing things like nagging people to put on their seat belt, lock the door, on and on. My bf sometimes says "Okay (Mom's name)" to make me aware I am sounding like her.
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Old 07-05-2013, 01:55 PM
 
2,350 posts, read 4,267,133 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by disneygogetter View Post
Why do family, friends, school mates, work mates, etc. Always tell you that you may end up being like your parents? For example if I had an parent who was a drinker all their life and abusive etc. Why do they think I am going to be the same way? Or if another family relative was a sex offender why do they think I would be one? Even if I had parents who never got married but I did get married later on, why do parents and other friends and family always try to compare you to the other person bringing you down?
Did they tell you WOULD (vs might or may) be like them?

If they said might or may, perhaps they understand the genetic affects of disease.
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Old 07-05-2013, 01:57 PM
 
2,350 posts, read 4,267,133 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by disneygogetter View Post
True but what about will power and being stronger than them and showing them that your not going to be that way?

That's why they rightfully would use "might" or "may".

And what about those affects? Are you SURE you won't be like your parents? (And, you may have inherited their will power too - if they failed using willpower and strength you might fail.)
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