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Later in life, in my fifties, I finally realized my "real" personality had been warped by external factors early on - and luckily I was able to "find myself" again.
I was a quiet child, who loved to read and who could spend hours alone very happily. But we were a military family, and we moved very often. Consequently, I recall EXACTLY when I realized I had to jump in there, make an impression, form connections, make friends, quickly...or I'd be alone more than I preferred to be. I became much more extroverted - but it was a conscious decision, and in fact it was a discipline.
This translated to a very successful career in outside sales, for many, many years. But I always needed several quiet hours of alone time each day, and always got up very early to get that recharging time in.
Now that I am no longer working outside the home, I've found myself again - my quieter, more introverted, less sociable self...and I really like that aspect of my personality.
I remember when I worked as a programmer, and had to be with people all day and even worse of all deal with users. I did, but it wasn't me. It was this person I invented which I could take off. Besides the insane pressure, where you could be back at work anytime, and the long nights, it was that which made me less than entirely sorry about losing my job. I'd love to find some simple language I could write programs in now, since that was the part I loved, working by yourself and immersing myself in the task.
I don't think I could put on this person now. I need to be me and without apology. Nor do I care if anyone likes it. There are people like me out there who I can be social with, and I'll let loose with them.
Interesting. I never thought about that. I stayed up all the time too. In fact I used to stay up overnight a lot. More so when I was in college. I know I'm a total night owl, but I never thought about it as being my quiet time. Granted that is why I love the hours from about 2am to 5am. Dead quiet.
Absolutely. I love that where I live there is space between houses, and even a car going up the street is unusual. Sometimes I like to watch my favorite tv shows then on DVD since it won't carry and bother them. I once wrote a song called 'night magic' about how magical dark quiet is. I'm currently waiting for the sun to go down so I can start my 'day'.
I like reading in those hours. Just quiet and peace and when I let the dogs out nobody is around and I can sing a chant to the moon and Her.
Same here! I 'had' a so-called friend who a social-addict and she told me that I needed to have more friends. I advised her that I did't criticize her lifestyle and that I didn't appreciate her deciding/judging how I lived my life.
Years ago it did bother me that I wasn't your typical social butterfly since it appeared that most of the people I knew were. Not anymore though! I am now comfortable with who I am; and if someone else disapproves of my life, then they can go fly a kite.
On another note: I get tired of hearing that a shooter spent too much time alone and that was what caused him to run out and kill people. As if all introverts are mental cases just one step away from going over the edge. I have read there is a difference being a "loner" vs. being an "introvert"; and in some ways I suppose there is some variation. However, just because we introverts enjoy our solitude, that does not make us evil-doers.
I had to deal with a social worker for a while, and in addition to being told that stuffed animal are for children (according to whom????) she wanted me to get out. So I went and 'socialized' and brought a large blanket I was crocheting. It took up the whole couch and nobody could sit near me. Then I'd take the next bus home. Nobody noticed when I quit bothering. They kept saying that my 'not going out' was part of being depressed, but it was about the most depressing thing I could imagine.
And yes, the dangerous loners. Yes some are, but they are angry broken people who live with hatred. They don't get helped when its too early because its too much effort to figure out what they need and by the time they go off its too late. But everyone who isn't a social butterfly is suspect. Some people actually believe that all of us are secretly plotting some awfulness.
I was thinking about the depressed part. I suffer from depression. When it got really bad, I was told to get out, go be with people, it'll help. I tried, I did. What it did was make me more depressed. Because I knew I was being fake. I stayed home instead, alone, with my dogs. Gawd that was so much better.
I think extroverts were the cause of "get out if you're depressed, it'll help". Help whom? LOL.
Honestly, I'm not saying it's bad or good for depression. I just got a kick out of how I tried to go out and was more and more depressed. At least I understand myself enough to truly get why it made me more depressed, but I bet a lot of people out there don't get it and make it worse.
We really need to understand if people are introverts/extroverts (and to what extent) before spewing out advice. Well, that's just my two cents.
I was just reading another post in a different forum and something occurred to me.
As a small child I was always very content to sit and play quietly by myself. I have photos of myself at around a year old sitting on the floor looking at books (something I still do to this day, more than 50 years later).
Part of the reason, I suppose that I learned early to amuse myself was that I am an only child and I was raised in an environment where there were rarely other children around. None of the adults had any interest in "entertaining" me and it was pretty much up to me to entertain myself.
On the other hand, I have been very "to myself" and quiet. Even when I had other children to play with, I often preferred to simply wander off and play by myself. Not always, but sometimes.
Those of you who are introverts, were you always such? Or do you feel that your childhood influenced that? Was there a point in your life where you suddenly became more introverted for whatever reason? I find that I have gotten much more introverted in the past 20 years that I had been previously.
What I am trying to determine, by asking this question is how much of introvert behavior is nature and how much is nurture.
What are your thoughts?
20yrsinBranson
introverts like being around people.
Its mindless mobs of people that they don't like.
Extroverts focus on the outward appearance
Introverts focus on the underlying reality.
That is the fundamental difference between them.
Everything else follows from that.
I was thinking about the depressed part. I suffer from depression. When it got really bad, I was told to get out, go be with people, it'll help. I tried, I did. What it did was make me more depressed. Because I knew I was being fake. I stayed home instead, alone, with my dogs. Gawd that was so much better.
I think extroverts were the cause of "get out if you're depressed, it'll help". Help whom? LOL.
Honestly, I'm not saying it's bad or good for depression. I just got a kick out of how I tried to go out and was more and more depressed. At least I understand myself enough to truly get why it made me more depressed, but I bet a lot of people out there don't get it and make it worse.
We really need to understand if people are introverts/extroverts (and to what extent) before spewing out advice. Well, that's just my two cents.
Agree with you^
I need more people in my life-but "people" in general aren't the answer, for me-
most people leave me feeling worse for having been in their presence.
Just going out in public and being around strangers didn't cheer me up,
it made me feel even more acutely left out, unable to be genuine around other fake-acting people ("public face").
The folks with whom I can be "myself" most are the ones I can feel at ease with, and enjoy the presence of.
Finding the few individual rare persons with whom I mesh well is the huge "filtering" work/challenge.
Father was introvert, mom was extrovert. I always enjoy getting to know a few people well rather than being surrounded by a sea of humanity. The numbers don't bother me in and of themselves, but the lack of directional purpose and general meandering of crowds bother me. I can 'do' that (meander) but then I am consciously making a decision to 'act' that way.
Like being around people, but don't care for them in my 'space' so can seem distant or nonplussed. Can function well in front of groups but over time get weary of having to 'be on'. I enjoy the quiet downtime. It can be restful, banal or intensely focused but do not care for constant overstimulation as it wears one down as the article aptly describes.
On Myers - Brigg I was very near balanced on I vs E when I took it in my late 20s. I surmise I tilt slightly more I now. Another commenter made the apt point - it is a continuum. I think we all adjust our interpersonal willingness to engage meter as we age to better maximize our experiences and well being (i.e. we get to know ourselves better).
Sweetbottoms made a prescient point with this sentence, "I became more or less disinterested with society as I became more aware of it." From a business, economic, financial system perspective most everything measures success / growth as more velocity, more activity, more marginal profit, more, more, more. Introverts I think tend to be reductionists by nature, that is, they tend to like to analyze and break things down into components and think about them more thoroughly than an extrovert and prefer to simplify matters or think them through with more forethought. Extroverts tend to just plunge forward sometimes with a plan, many times without.
I would contend introverts tend to be smarter than extroverts and more emotionally mature because they tend to adapt as necessary to both scenarios whereas, extroverts get lost in 'introvert space'. That is an introvert can readily scale up as needed but it is extremely difficult for an extrovert to 'scale' down. Sort of how a left hander will forcibly adapt to a right handed world but right-hander do not have to since that is the dominant framework of the physical world. In social interaction and the dominant mass media the extrovert has the 'right-handers' dominant framework. That is, the extrovert is held in higher esteem and regard, is held up as the goal to emulate from social perspective. Thus, I think introverts tend to see both sides of things and are more thorough (deep thinkers - perhaps cause by greater synaptic activity as part of holding two divergent realms at the same time) hence, they tend to gravitate to sciences, math, task oriented individual contributor roles in work place where they can be focused and use their reductionist tendencies in quiet solitude.
As many others on this thread, I enjoyed playing by self as child as well, if not more than with others. I always had a furtive imagination and fantasy / daydreaming ability. I could make games up out of anything to keep my mind active. When walking to school alone, I'd do math problems in my head by having fictitious ballgames going on in my head. I would keep a running tally of the number of lines between stepping on a crack and then doing the average as if I was a running back in football and calculate my yards per carry or do the same with shooting basketball, calculating my shooting percentages as I went.
To paraphrase another's comment, I think we gravitate toward what our nature is as we age in the absence of external social necessities that we adapt to.
I wonder if anyone has studied early signs of introversion in infants. I would hypothesize that introvert infants are better able to self-soothe and cry out less for attention.
I see lots of adult extroverts who can't seem to self-soothe at all. They always need to discuss and process feelings/issues with someone else, and get outside support. they seem to need that other person to listen, hold their hand, and rub their back. We introverts find ways of processing things internally, and rubbing our own backs.
Father was introvert, mom was extrovert. I always enjoy getting to know a few people well rather than being surrounded by a sea of humanity. The numbers don't bother me in and of themselves, but the lack of directional purpose and general meandering of crowds bother me. I can 'do' that (meander) but then I am consciously making a decision to 'act' that way.
Like being around people, but don't care for them in my 'space' so can seem distant or nonplussed. Can function well in front of groups but over time get weary of having to 'be on'. I enjoy the quiet downtime. It can be restful, banal or intensely focused but do not care for constant overstimulation as it wears one down as the article aptly describes.
On Myers - Brigg I was very near balanced on I vs E when I took it in my late 20s. I surmise I tilt slightly more I now. Another commenter made the apt point - it is a continuum. I think we all adjust our interpersonal willingness to engage meter as we age to better maximize our experiences and well being (i.e. we get to know ourselves better).
Sweetbottoms made a prescient point with this sentence, "I became more or less disinterested with society as I became more aware of it." From a business, economic, financial system perspective most everything measures success / growth as more velocity, more activity, more marginal profit, more, more, more. Introverts I think tend to be reductionists by nature, that is, they tend to like to analyze and break things down into components and think about them more thoroughly than an extrovert and prefer to simplify matters or think them through with more forethought. Extroverts tend to just plunge forward sometimes with a plan, many times without.
I would contend introverts tend to be smarter than extroverts and more emotionally mature because they tend to adapt as necessary to both scenarios whereas, extroverts get lost in 'introvert space'. That is an introvert can readily scale up as needed but it is extremely difficult for an extrovert to 'scale' down. Sort of how a left hander will forcibly adapt to a right handed world but right-hander do not have to since that is the dominant framework of the physical world. In social interaction and the dominant mass media the extrovert has the 'right-handers' dominant framework. That is, the extrovert is held in higher esteem and regard, is held up as the goal to emulate from social perspective. Thus, I think introverts tend to see both sides of things and are more thorough (deep thinkers - perhaps cause by greater synaptic activity as part of holding two divergent realms at the same time) hence, they tend to gravitate to sciences, math, task oriented individual contributor roles in work place where they can be focused and use their reductionist tendencies in quiet solitude.
As many others on this thread, I enjoyed playing by self as child as well, if not more than with others. I always had a furtive imagination and fantasy / daydreaming ability. I could make games up out of anything to keep my mind active. When walking to school alone, I'd do math problems in my head by having fictitious ballgames going on in my head. I would keep a running tally of the number of lines between stepping on a crack and then doing the average as if I was a running back in football and calculate my yards per carry or do the same with shooting basketball, calculating my shooting percentages as I went.
To paraphrase another's comment, I think we gravitate toward what our nature is as we age in the absence of external social necessities that we adapt to.
Many very good points here. I think I only half see 'reality' since there is always some train of internal thought running, and its usually far more interesting than the outside world. I tested at near a hundred percent an I and near that an N, the T and J right in the middle. A friend described me perfectly. I'm a watcher. I like to sit by the edge (literally by the door with it open in a room, never the far side of the room) and I watch people by ingrained habit. People can be a wonderful fascination. But I use my intuitive/energy sensing ability too. If there is something negative in a room, I'll just go. My radar works well, and when alarm bells go off its time to be gone.
I love problems. One of the most useful things I ever learned was how to do a flow chart. Mostly I don't write them out but see them in my head. What has to happen first? What needs to be there for it to happen? I deal in basics. I'm also fascinated about how things work. Dad explained how raido, both am and fm worked (it was his field in the navy) and how the signels themselves were made. I ask him questions about anything and he loved answering. I think he was a lot like me.
I'm not satisfied by pushing a button and it works. I don't need all the technical details but an overall. I couldn't fix a car, but can tell you generally how a gasoline engine works. It's as if I *have* to know these things, to see the inner structure of the world. And events. And people.
I'm diagnosed bp2,and no longer take meds because it muddled my head. And caused serious health problems. But that whole time period feels like a mad rush of nothing. I wonder how much of my percieved 'problem' was that I'm naturally not one to like to be 'out' and if you make me go I'm the invisible person in the room. Been that way since I was a kid and that isn't going to change. If I hit a down, finding something fascinating to muddle over can drive it away. And there is that ever analitical voice in my head telling me how that choice or this one is what I need.
In some ways, I wish I could start over with good physical health, follow my nerdy self direction and would be somewhere. A few different decisions or better disclosure of a major toxic dump sight we had less than a block away would have made a huge difference.
I'd still like to be one huddled in my room with a problem to solve and able to shut out all the rest and their noise, and get paid for it. Too late now. But for someone like me there is always something new to learn about.
I don't think I'm truely any more introverted now than I was back thirty years ago, I just pretended more then. Now I don't need to and don't care what anyone thinks about it. I'm probably overall happier now than when I had to play pretent too much.
Many very good points here. I think I only half see 'reality' since there is always some train of internal thought running, and its usually far more interesting than the outside world. I tested at near a hundred percent an I and near that an N, the T and J right in the middle. A friend described me perfectly. I'm a watcher. I like to sit by the edge (literally by the door with it open in a room, never the far side of the room) and I watch people by ingrained habit. People can be a wonderful fascination. But I use my intuitive/energy sensing ability too. If there is something negative in a room, I'll just go. My radar works well, and when alarm bells go off its time to be gone.
I love problems. One of the most useful things I ever learned was how to do a flow chart. Mostly I don't write them out but see them in my head. What has to happen first? What needs to be there for it to happen? I deal in basics. I'm also fascinated about how things work. Dad explained how raido, both am and fm worked (it was his field in the navy) and how the signels themselves were made. I ask him questions about anything and he loved answering. I think he was a lot like me.
I'm not satisfied by pushing a button and it works. I don't need all the technical details but an overall. I couldn't fix a car, but can tell you generally how a gasoline engine works. It's as if I *have* to know these things, to see the inner structure of the world. And events. And people.
I'm diagnosed bp2,and no longer take meds because it muddled my head. And caused serious health problems. But that whole time period feels like a mad rush of nothing. I wonder how much of my percieved 'problem' was that I'm naturally not one to like to be 'out' and if you make me go I'm the invisible person in the room. Been that way since I was a kid and that isn't going to change. If I hit a down, finding something fascinating to muddle over can drive it away. And there is that ever analitical voice in my head telling me how that choice or this one is what I need.
In some ways, I wish I could start over with good physical health, follow my nerdy self direction and would be somewhere. A few different decisions or better disclosure of a major toxic dump sight we had less than a block away would have made a huge difference.
I'd still like to be one huddled in my room with a problem to solve and able to shut out all the rest and their noise, and get paid for it. Too late now. But for someone like me there is always something new to learn about.
I don't think I'm truely any more introverted now than I was back thirty years ago, I just pretended more then. Now I don't need to and don't care what anyone thinks about it. I'm probably overall happier now than when I had to play pretent too much.
It is no longer considered acceptable to call someone a ni--er but its still acceptable to call someone a nerd or geek. A situation that isn't helped when people like you refer to yourself as a nerd.
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