Anybody molested as a child? (therapy, depressed, men, woman)

[mag32gie]

I'm sure this has been discussed over and over. I have never discussed my problems from being molested by my grandfather (my Mom was adopted) at age 4 and younger.

Tonight I was thinking about how it may have affected me and came to the conclusion that one symptom is this, I usually always blamed myself for just about anything negative that happened and I did this for my entire life.
I've noticed that some people blame other people but not me, I always blame myself. I use to get very depressed about this and then I would blame myself for being depressed.

Anyway, I'm fine now but just wondering if this has happened to anybody else and how it affected you later in life?

[rnsleepy]

I was, n fact by more than one person. It has affected in me in several ways. I would say in my teens I became a little promiscuous and felt crappy about myself "after". Later, I married someone who probably wasn't worthy of me, but I felt maybe I deserved, if that makes sense. I became a controlling nag and was miserable. only my children brought me joy and I felt only truly connected to them. I was resentful toward my mother (this still exists to a point) because it was a step father who molested me and she chose to stay with him and I was made to keep it a secret. Not that I wanted anyone to know, but I had no one to talk to about it and I probably needed counseling. She finally left him, but not because of me. While I understand her reasons (financially dependent on him etc.) I still am times stuck there, hurting at her lack of support.
I feel like I've moved on a lot. I didn't get therapy for this, but I got out of my bad marriage and decided to be happy and not to mother another man that I didn't birth. It was hard at first not to be such a control freak, but such a release and I am much happier. I mean I'm still pretty organized (so in control that way) but I don't worry as much about the things I can not control. I guess I've mellowed. I've forgiven my step father, and most of all my mother (all though again, sometimes the hurt sneaks in once in awhile).
It also made me really vigilant with my children, although I had boys, I still worried about them and made sure they were rarely alone with anyone. I mean I was really paranoid, I watched uncles, great uncles, babysitters, cousins etc. for any behavior I thought was suspicious. I taught them early on about good touch and bad touch and would casually quiz them often.

[laughandlove]

Yes, I was and now I do not have the urge to be with men romantically, sexually, whatever. I am not gay. I actually like men but from a distance. I have become very antisocial and have learned to comfort my chronic lonliness. I am only 20 so I have a long way to go :-/

[mochamajesty]

I have and it has really affected me. Especially considering that my family expects me just to "get over it". I have had intense therapy, and to this day my family still refuses to accept responsiblity for what they did (my uncle molested me, my mother (his sister) knew and did nothing).

I have learned to distance myself from them. I have forgiven them, but the trust issues took a long time to go away. It took a lot for me to open my heart to my husband, but I have found happiness and peace.

I commend everyone for sharing. Such bravery really touches me. Shame and secrecy is what this vile act feeds on.

[mag32gie]

Thanks for the responses, I have a long list of things that may have come from this. I think the most important is that I was attracted to a sort of sex maniac type of guy, lol, my first husband acted like my grandfather use to act (with me) and I was attracted to him at 19 but later actually couldn't stand him. I didn't catch on to this until much later in life.
Always felt like I was a horrible person when I realized I couldn't stand this selfish man that I was dumb enough to marry.

People think it just goes away but it really does stay with you for a very long time.

[Royalite]

I was molested but the act itself wasn't as bad as the treatment that came after. It happened only once but he treated me badly (as well as other men my age and older and family who just didn't feel like a good support system for me) and up until I was about age 14/15, I felt inferior and ugly because I was skin tone and facial features. I got over that through giving myself a lot of validation and diving into passions and hobbies but it wasn't until i was 18/19 that i faced my fear of telling my family what he had done. They didn't do anything about it, acted like nothing happened around him. I realized that usually my family's only capable of handling practical matters imo. Emotional/psychological matters you have to deal with yourself. So I did and I learned to give myself the love and support I didn't feel I got from them so telling them was a liberating experience.

[L0ve]

I find it interesting that so many people told their parents what was happening, and the parents chose to ignore it make the child keep secrets to protect the perpetrator.

What kind of profound affect does this have on a child once they become an adult? How do you grow into a healthy adult when you were raised by parents who "threw you to the wolves" like a piece of trash, and had no interest in protecting you? Someday I hope to figure this out, until then, my faith in humanity will remain at zero...

[Miss Hepburn]

Yup, but my sister got it way worse...100% Swedish grandfather...
I have a hard time liking men...though their are such good ones out there,
I know this bec all my friends are married to 'em

My sister won't go to therapy so has huge problems....arrested development at 6 yrs old...
Charming little girl still, but can't cope like an adult with stress of any kind.

[dub dub II]

In a sense..
But you can either be a victim or a survivor.

What really disgusts me is that I managed to keep it a secret until I was in my young adulthood. I grew up thinking I'd get into trouble if anyone found out...that it was my fault etc etc. Not too uncommon, I eventually found out. I grew up with a huge monkey on my back, and it definitely affected my relationships. I think someone somewhere should have worked it out, asked the right questions or something...but no, everyone just thought I was a normal kid.

Eventually I broke down and told my mother, and it was like I was reborn. That got me over the hurdle of forming intimate relationships with other women, something I could never do before.

But in that arena, I still have a lot of work to do. I don't know how to properly be intimate with a woman in the way it is commonly expected. But, some women are very understanding of that fact, and to have them in my life, I am very grateful.