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Old 08-28-2013, 05:35 AM
Location: Utica, NY
1,912 posts, read 2,659,324 times
Reputation: 3217


I don't know if this forum or this section of this forum is the appropriate place for this, but I want to express my views on a subject that has greatly affected me personally in a very negative and damaging way, perhaps in the hope that some people might consider their actions and words in the future when tossing around that certain "c" word so nonchalantly.

I have always had major issues with my appearance. I am tall, thin and unattractive. I have never had any confidence with people in general, never mind approaching women (which I don't do anyway). It started when I was bullied at school.

Over the years, I have become quite reclusive. I have few friends, no social life to speak of. Because of the issues with my appearance, I suffer from extreme social anxiety and depression and these things make living in general extremely difficult.

The only place I have to interact with people (unfortunately) is work. I have always felt disliked there and that people were talking about me behind my back. Far from being paranoid, my fears were actually confirmed when I overheard one of the young women in the office refer to me as "creepy" (I guess she thought I wasn't within earshot of her). The women in the office always seem to stay away from me, even refusing to get in the elevator with me (this happened recently).

That word is like a dagger into my soul. It has all sorts of terrible meanings, including potential rapist, child molester, stalker, etc. Not only am I none of those things, but I am also asexual, which means I have no desire to even remotely want to approach women at all and I am probably the least threatening person you will ever meet. I am most likely more scared of them than they are of me. It's solely because of the way I look, which as much as I loathe my appearance, I cannot change it just to not look like some sort of freak that people are afraid of,

It's got to the point where I am finding going to work difficult every day. I constantly look down at the floor as I am afraid of making any kind of eye contact just in case they happen to think the "office creep" is looking at them.

So my point is, stop tossing the word "creep" around so casually. Men have feelings too and in my case, this has made the already unclimbable mountain of self-esteem development even more impossible. If you label socially awkward and shy people as creeps or creepers, you will damage their already low self-esteem. If you want to go through life inflicting harm on people, go ahead, but those of you who think it's a bit of a joke, I urge you to stop it. Think about if you had children and that was your son, or maybe your brother. Save that word for men who are generally threatening and who deserve it.

Thank you.
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Old 08-28-2013, 06:27 AM
Location: Not.here
2,828 posts, read 3,785,628 times
Reputation: 2356
We cannot change our physical appearance. Our inner being, however, is a different thing. Becoming reclusive is a reaction to what you perceive are the judgments of others. And reacting is just allowing yourself to be dominated by others. That does not sound like your natural self. I would work on bringing out your natural personality a little bit at a time. There are many so called 'beautiful people' that are not so beautiful on the inside.

If being reclusive is not what you are really like and prefer, then drop that mask. Life is too short to let yourself be constrained like that.
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Old 08-28-2013, 07:00 AM
3,175 posts, read 3,210,438 times
Reputation: 3706
God doesn't make junk.

Hold your head high and love yourself, then others will be able to love you too. With your head down, you are making them believe they are right.
Don't ever worry about what anyone else says or thinks, who cares? It is your life, not theirs. Only worry about something negative if it is coming from you, clean that up and you will be the beautiful person you were meant to be.
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Old 08-28-2013, 07:18 AM
1,373 posts, read 2,612,538 times
Reputation: 1427
You cant change your appearance but make sure you are well groomed. A toothbrush & a tongue scraper go a long way.

You should have confronted this woman who called you creepy & told her just what you told us.

You might want to address the issue with a superviser or HR.

Now regarding your appearance, what exactly are we dealing with?
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Old 08-28-2013, 08:09 AM
2,349 posts, read 4,694,744 times
Reputation: 2997
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
You cant change your appearance
Originally Posted by nezlie View Post
We cannot change our physical appearance.

Yes we can.

Originally Posted by mag32gie View Post
God doesn't make junk..
Probably irrelevant. And yes, people are born with deformities and other undesirable traits and characteristics.
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Old 08-28-2013, 08:50 AM
Location: Utica, NY
1,912 posts, read 2,659,324 times
Reputation: 3217
This thread wasn't to focus on me and what I need to do. I know I have low self-esteem, but I am also an introvert. I accept my place in life, but I don't need people kicking me when I'm down as I don't bother anyone or get in anyone's business.

This thread was designed to make people aware of how damaging the "C" word can be. It's not a nice feeling to live each day knowing that women think you're some sort of threat.
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Old 08-28-2013, 09:12 AM
285 posts, read 369,001 times
Reputation: 287
I'm a female. Ive been called a weirdo and creepy. Treated as one as well. People like that are ignorant and not exposed to different kinds of personalities.
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Old 08-28-2013, 09:12 AM
8,357 posts, read 4,645,776 times
Reputation: 15516
I would never call anyone such a thing. That was pretty ignorant of them.
It's what to expect from ignorant people - ignorant talk.

Everything has it's beauty, but not everyone sees it.
A lot of time extroverted and extremely social people misread introverted people,
and think they are strange or something is wrong with them...when ofcourse it's not, it's just their very nature to be quite, reserved and shy.
Hold your head up high, walk in their with pride, look them square in the eye (this is hard I know, but just try it) and tell them that just because you are quite and shy, doesn't make you a creep at all...(don't break eye contact!) And don't slump and look down at the ground anymore, stand straight and tall and walk in dignity and pride and don't let the office trolls get to you.
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Old 08-28-2013, 09:21 AM
Location: Pittsburgh
23,903 posts, read 25,832,877 times
Reputation: 53243
I know that a lot of younger women throw around the term to apply to anyone they don't like or find attractive, but I don't use it like that. If I call someone creepy, it's because he (or she) has made me feel uncomfortable or unsafe, or that they haven't respected my boundaries. The young woman who called the OP creepy may be an idiot, or maybe there is something about his behavior that is unpleasant.

This is a decent essay about the word "creep": Why Guys Really Hate Being Called 'Creepy'

At the heart of the "anti-creep shaming campaign" is a concerted effort to discourage women from relying on their instincts to protect themselves from harm. Laying aside its likely etymology, calling a dude an "*******" is a way of labeling him a jerk. Plenty of people can be jerks without being predatory. On the other hand, calling a dude "creepy" labels him as a potential threat; a creep may not be imminently violent, but there's almost always a sense that he shows consistent disregard for a woman's physical or psychological space. This is why, as Wakeman wrote, "it's a really freaking dangerous idea to twist a woman's open, honest communication about her boundaries/expectations into ‘creep shaming' that victimizes men."

Though the word may be occasionally used unfairly (for example, to describe a physically unattractive guy's genuinely respectful attempt at striking up a conversation), "creepy" serves a vital function. No other word is as effective as describing when a man has crossed a woman's boundary; no other word forces a man to reflect on how his behavior makes other people feel. A guy can disprove accusations of being weak by displaying strength (often in foolish ways.) But a guy can only disprove the charge of creepiness by fundamentally altering his behavior to be more genuinely respectful of women.
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Old 08-28-2013, 11:30 AM
Location: Sunny Bay Area, CA
1,566 posts, read 1,861,217 times
Reputation: 3262
I'm really sorry that happens to you. It makes me really sad when people judge others based on appearance.
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