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Old 09-05-2013, 04:37 AM
 
Location: The West
349 posts, read 390,825 times
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And daughters to their fathers?

I'm a guy, and I have always been much morecloser to my mom than my dad. She stayed home to raise me and my brothers and I can talk to her about most things, laugh with her etc etc. My dad is wonderful, but I don't have that same connection.

I also would absolutely LOVE to have a daughter instead of a son.
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Old 09-05-2013, 04:48 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
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No I dont think so... boys get married and dont usually come to visit the same way as girls do although my youngest son visits me a lot.
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Old 09-05-2013, 05:21 PM
 
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No I don't think so either. I have 3 adult children boy, girl, boy. I am very close to the oldest 2 and the 3rd one we are estranged from. My oldest 2 are also not that close to their dad. They talk to him but don't make a point of calling him like they do me. However, the 3rd one is in contact with his dad more often. He was our wild child. We also have am eleven year old at home. I would say he is closer to his dad than me but we do lots of stuff together also.
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Old 09-05-2013, 08:18 PM
 
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No.
I (daughter) am way, way closer to my mother than my father, as is my sister.
My husband is way closer to his father, not so much to his mother.
Hard to say, as my father is hard to get along with though - and there are no boys.

With my husband, he does have a brother and a sister. They are all closer to the father though, so it goes to show that the father is just easier to be with. As a whole, the mother is just harder to be with, says everyone in the family (like her siblings, cousins, etc). So it really isn't a son/daughter thing, it's just her, I believe. If my parents had boys, I would think the boys would get along with my mother more than my father.

So while I believe on one hand, your theory isn't correct, on the other, in the case of my family, it does has to do with one parent just being more difficult to get along with.
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Old 09-06-2013, 11:19 PM
 
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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I think it varies. I'm probably closer to my mother, I don't think I love her more than my father, although at times I admit it feels like it. Maybe there really is something special about the mother-child bond. But I don't feel especially close to either of my parents, I guess different personalities and in some cases values, but of course not enough to get between us.
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Old 09-07-2013, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Northeastern US
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My personal theory is that if you are a very different personality type from your child, you're apt to have some conflicts and miscommunications. This is particularly problematic because in my experience, parents tend to discount the importance of personality differences ... there's a tendency to think your child is a miniature version of you, or at most a blend of you and your spouse. Not so. Quite frequently, a parent is faced with a child that is so fundamentally different that they can scarcely believe they conceived and birthed it. Many times I've caught myself thinking, I would never have dared even THINK about doing what s/he is doing, when I was a kid ... you tend to view your child through the lens of your own childhood experiences and relationships, and when they depart substantially from that, you can't even get your arms around it.

As an example, my wife and I are both introverts ... her daughter / my stepdaughter is profoundly extroverted. She has a totally different way of processing and engaging the world. Their relationship has been extremely difficult. It is only starting to get better, and if it becomes tolerable or at times comfortable, that may take years.

Such issues are magnified when the child is the same gender as the parent. In that situation, both parties feel disappointed. The child does not appreciate and respect the parent, and the child senses that the parent is lost at sea as to how to role model effectively -- hence the child feels the parent has failed them. Also, the child can well fear that what they see as their incredibly lame parent is something they will eventually become. I've known many people who define themselves as "not like my mother / father" and that's never a good adaptation to define yourself in terms of what you're opposed to -- yet, it happens.

Finally, a child can have psychological or character issues of their own, and can make their own bad choices when they are older. Remember, a child is not entirely lacking in responsibility for their own actions, and once they are an adult, they're totally responsible. If you are a basically healthy adult and you have a child who is narcissistic or borderline or bipolar or whatever ... then you must adjust your expectations accordingly. If your child is handicapped in some way, you must also adjust to what they are capable of.

So to answer the OP, in my view, while it can seem at times that father / daughter and mother / son relations are closer, it's far more complex than that. My wife is infinitely closer and more comfortable with her son; but I have the opposite situation with my son and daughter -- I've got a much more comfortable and easier relationship with my son than my daughter. And guess what, my son and I are much more similar, personality-wise, than my daughter and I are, and my wife is much more like her son than her daughter.

Who thought that when we had kids, we'd sometimes have to work so hard to know them? To the point, even, of making an effort towards someone who, if they weren't our kid, we'd actively avoid. It's one of the absurdities of life.
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Old 09-07-2013, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
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No, I am the daughter and I am much closer to my mom than my dad and also much closer to her than my brother is with her.

There's a saying: "A son is a son until he takes a wife. A daughter is a daughter for life."
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:14 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
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I think it depends on the culture. Generally in the US, I'd say the answer is "no". But for certain ethnicities, my observation is "yes". Hispanic men tend to be close to their mothers, and some Russian men, too. A lot probably depends on individual personalities, too.
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Old 09-07-2013, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Somewhere
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I think it depends on the culture. Generally in the US, I'd say the answer is "no". But for certain ethnicities, my observation is "yes". Hispanic men tend to be close to their mothers, and some Russian men, too. A lot probably depends on individual personalities, too.
I disagree and I am hispanic. I am sure in most cultures statistically people tend to be closer to their mothers as it is more common for women to be involved in a child's life.

I have my father's personality but that doesn't make me closer to him. It's not like I'm a carbon copy, there are still differences in our behaviors. I still dislike his defects especially because they affected me directly. Maybe if they affected other people I would have a different opinion. Anyways my point is that it also depends on experience. Relationships are like bank accounts, if you end up with a low or negative balance it doesn't matter if the person is charming, or if they are your clone, you still go by your perceptions of that person. You don't get a freeby for having a different organ.
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Old 09-07-2013, 03:00 PM
 
48,507 posts, read 90,401,075 times
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I think its like depends on age of the son and relationship as to parent being there for him. Young boys are usually close to mother and often in awe of their fathers. Later most become actually more like a younger brother if the relationship is good.IMO. I am 65 and that is what I have seen. Both parents have to set a example.
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