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Old 10-13-2013, 04:38 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
33,235 posts, read 20,075,992 times
Reputation: 12983

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According to one blogger, the reasons why SOME men would never date a single mother are the following

1. First of all, my mother would kill me.

2. If I wanted to get seriously involved with a single mom, I’d have to forgo the dream of having a wife where we spend time together before kids, then slowly grow together as parents from the very beginning. Instead, I’d have to hit the ground running and learn how to be a fatherly image to kids that are not mine, despite having absolutely no experience whatsoever of being a dad.

3.And just to add insult to injury, a lot of single moms don’t want to have more children, so I don’t even get the benefit of fathering kids of my own.

4.You know who single moms should date though? SINGLE DADS. That’s where the life experience of both are on equal footing. Both have a history of relationships that didn’t work out,

You can read the whole articles here

Why I would never date single moms - A Geek in the Wilderness

According to another blogger, the reasons why Real Men avoid Single Mothers are the following,

1.Dealing with these women is a recipe for drama, drama, and more drama.

2.Never Available A single Mother’s schedule is never open.

3. YOU are NOT a priority. Usually in a relationship the man winds up DEAD LAST.

4. The kids are working AGAINST YOU

5. Distorted self-image Single mothers still thinks she’s as sexy like she was before she had a baby.

You can read the whole article here

Shawn James, Black Freelance Writer: Why Real Men avoid Single Mothers

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, I have two darling brothers. One married a single mother of two, the other one had never had problems dating single mothers (I am pretty sure he will not have a problem marrying one either) And trust me, my brothers are no losers

I've been reading other blogs and the bloggers claim men who date or marry single mothers are desperate, they have no other dating options. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I don't have problems with people who refuse to date single parents. I think everybody is entitled to his or her dating preference. However, I feel there is gross stigma associated with single moms and men who choose to love, date, and marry them.

I personally have dated two single fathers. I figured out a long time ago that I am the type of person who perhaps will never be able to bond with other children who are not biologically mine. But honestly, I think the problem is me, not the single fathers. I simply don't have what it takes to have a functioning relationship with single dads. Do I believe they are losers who failed their relationships? Absolutely not.

My point is simply this, it is entirely okay to have dating preference. However, is it reasonable to shame single mothers and the men who choose to date or marry them?

I often wonder, what are the psychology behind men who claim they would NEVER date a single mother and start a whole thread bashing single mothers? Have they been rejected by single mothers? Have they been hurt by single mothers? What are going through their minds when bashing single mothers and men who date them?

Your thoughts?
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Old 10-13-2013, 04:52 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
33,235 posts, read 20,075,992 times
Reputation: 12983
Another ridiculous blog

"It's a no brainer that only desperate men date single moms, but I figure I put some analysis behind it. Not only are these men desperate, but they have no self-worth in themselves because they willing want to raise another man's offspring, "

Desperate Men Date Single Moms

Seriously, if you don't want to date single mother, fine, no problem. What is the point of shaming other men who choose to love and date them?
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Old 10-13-2013, 05:40 AM
 
Location: socal baby
1,355 posts, read 2,128,540 times
Reputation: 914
the psychology varies between immature high school posters to older guys who don't know any better. but really, it's about a man's capacity and willingness to take on the additional responsibility, many men just down right fear or want to avoid the additional responsibility of parenting a child, especially not their own. so what? some men can handle it, others cant.

i once met a young gorgeous blond hot babe who recently got divorce and was suddenly a single mom. just my luck, it wanted her in my life but i too wasn't a fan of the "instant family, just add water" scenario. but then i had a dear friend give me some great advice, she said "just focus on your relationship and feelings for her, not the child. your emotional bond with mom will lead you to the the best outcome". my gf also said to me, "my little girl doesn't need a dad, she has one, she just needs you to be a friend". as they say, i evolved on the issue and we later got engaged.

and i definitely can understand the bashing as being inappropriate, but what can you do about it? jerks, a-holes, insensitive tards are just like that. they don't live by the golden rule and you can't make them. such is life. best you can do is ignore them. if i was always worried about the criticisms and stereo types of others, i wouldn't be banging young hot chicks at my age.
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Old 10-13-2013, 05:46 AM
 
3,062 posts, read 1,561,536 times
Reputation: 3202
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post

According to another blogger, the reasons why Real Men avoid Single Mothers are the following,

1.Dealing with these women is a recipe for drama, drama, and more drama.

2.Never Available A single Mother’s schedule is never open.

3. YOU are NOT a priority. Usually in a relationship the man winds up DEAD LAST.

4. The kids are working AGAINST YOU

5. Distorted self-image Single mothers still thinks she’s as sexy like she was before she had a baby.
I think the reasons stated at the beginning of the OP are valid. It is this part that I quoted that I have a problem with. This blogger took it upon himself to define what a Real Man is. However, a Real Man knows what he wants and tries to go for it despite what bloggers might write. I think my definition is easier.

Good for your brothers, by the way. My boss married a single mother and he is a cool guy!
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Old 10-13-2013, 08:20 AM
 
7,148 posts, read 7,963,075 times
Reputation: 4382
id be a lot more reluctant to date a divorced woman , id be wondering if she drove her ex crazy and he simply upped and left
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Old 10-13-2013, 09:27 AM
 
4,750 posts, read 3,493,935 times
Reputation: 4944
Because they don't want to be a step-dad...

It's quite possible that the kid may hate you. Think about how uncomfortable it is to discipline a child that isn't yours.



I'm a young lady, and I would NEVER date a guy with kids (unless I had kids).
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Old 10-13-2013, 10:17 AM
 
624 posts, read 782,067 times
Reputation: 975
Quote:
Originally Posted by elyn02 View Post
I think the reasons stated at the beginning of the OP are valid. It is this part that I quoted that I have a problem with. This blogger took it upon himself to define what a Real Man is. However, a Real Man knows what he wants and tries to go for it despite what bloggers might write. I think my definition is easier.

Good for your brothers, by the way. My boss married a single mother and he is a cool guy!
I took issue with the same list you did. It sounded more like a rant from personal experience rather than an objective list based on real social research/investigation. It also uses a lot of absolutes and make a lot of big assumptions.

I can see why a guy might choose not to date a single mom, but there's a difference between preference and prejudice. The latter is generally rooted in a negative formative experience of some kind, from my own observations.

There are women who choose not to date single dads, too, but you don't hear nearly as much overt bias. I think women aren't as hung up on needing every ounce of their partner's attention. Men who state a prejudice against single moms tend to seem like they view the child as competition, first and foremost.
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Old 10-13-2013, 10:31 AM
 
624 posts, read 782,067 times
Reputation: 975
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinkmani View Post
Because they don't want to be a step-dad...

It's quite possible that the kid may hate you. Think about how uncomfortable it is to discipline a child that isn't yours.



I'm a young lady, and I would NEVER date a guy with kids (unless I had kids).
The ability to navigate the murky waters of dealing with a partner's children comes with maturity, if it comes at all. When a partner's child from a previous relationship "hates" you, it can be from your own behavior, based in fear of losing their parent's love or time, based in fear of change, or based in their allegiance to the parent they see you replacing. All of these are correctable if you are mature, self-aware, and committed to the task. These attributes come easier with life experience and personal development. It's easier to "be the adult" in the situation the longer you've actually been one. I'm not saying that younger women can't be great at managing these tricky relationships, too...I'm just saying it does get easier.

If you are single/divorced when you are older, you may not be so absolute about this issue. Or maybe you will, and that's fine. But people weigh things differently at different stages of their lives. I don't have kids and have generally avoided dating men who do for my own reasons. But my current boyfriend has two children, 13 and 25, and negotiating positive relationships with them has really been good for my own development. A lot of this is because my boyfriend is mature enough to be a good partner in the process. That's key to making it work, and I daresay the experience has been a boon to our own relationship.
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Old 10-13-2013, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
33,235 posts, read 20,075,992 times
Reputation: 12983
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slithytoves View Post
people weigh things differently at different stages of their lives. A lot of this is because my boyfriend is mature enough to be a good partner in the process. That's key to making it work, and I daresay the experience has been a boon to our own relationship.
I completely agree with this. Thank you.
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Old 10-13-2013, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Ohio
19,873 posts, read 14,217,545 times
Reputation: 16058
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
What is the point of shaming other men who choose to love and date them?
A better world.

Ostracism is a powerful tool. So is peer pressure.

Children of single parent families do not do so well. Single mothers are a financial drain on tax-payers and other resources.

Such a stigma would go a long way to restoring some sanity.

The point would be to ultimately reduce the number of divorces, reduce the number of single-parent families and illegitimate children, so that fewer people suffer....

...unless, of course, you think suffering is cool.

So, do you? You know, think suffering is cool? I don't.

Stigmatizing...

Mircea
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