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In my house, spankings are reserved for things that are dangerous to either the child or others. When my children were younger, things like walking out into the street would result in a swift pop on the backside to get their attention. Standing on the dog's head (yeah, that happened), running across a parking lot, or playing at or near the top of stairs would result in the same. Every time, the attention getter was followed by an explanation of what they did wrong and what their expectation could be if they did it again.
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I was spanked when I violated a rule for the second time. (The verbal warning went in one ear and out the other!)
That was my philosophy. Unfortunately I didn't get much chance to apply it. I did apply sharp smacks to the nappy to teach them to listen to me and it worked. There were no tears or upset, just a look of surprise. I taught them when I lowered my voice and spoke sharply they were to take heed and they did. That went right through into early adulthood. Even the one on drugs would take heed but I did have to be quite forceful. He was 25 before he dared smoke in front of me. Before that he would hide his cigarette. Their mother who 'spanked' them and shouted at them had limited control over them.
Besides progressively more severe punishment for repeated offenses, I think the MOST important thing with kids and punishments (whatever) is consistency and following through with doing what you say you will do.
AND for all persons supervising the kids (dad, mom, grandparents, babysitter) to have the same rules and punishments for infractions - or infractions are reported to the parents and they carry out the same infractions.
If dad and mom have a different set of rules for the kids, all heck breaks loose - the kids go wild!
However if there is a consistently applied set of rules, a wild kid will turn into a well behaved angel with a quickness! It is magic. (And I think it has something to do with the kid feeling more secure?)
Besides progressively more severe punishment for repeated offenses, I think the MOST important thing with kids and punishments (whatever) is consistency and following through with doing what you say you will do.
AND for all persons supervising the kids (dad, mom, grandparents, babysitter) to have the same rules and punishments for infractions - or infractions are reported to the parents and they carry out the same infractions.
If dad and mom have a different set of rules for the kids, all heck breaks loose - the kids go wild!
However if there is a consistently applied set of rules, a wild kid will turn into a well behaved angel with a quickness! It is magic. (And I think it has something to do with the kid feeling more secure?)
I think that's the sum of the issue.
Level headed consistency unique to each child.
Child rearing doesn't come with a manual. We were all spanked as kids in my family. We got one warning, if we did it a second time, we got the pop with no words. I was the type of kid that once I hit 5, the stank eye was usually sufficient to nip me from acting out. And as a teen, I needed a backhand to remind me who was the parent and what the limits were. But I have a brother who you could have broken a 2 X 4 over his back and he was still going to do the same thing 10 times. My parents were on the same page with disciplining me, but not him.
As for the aggressiveness issue and well behaved kids who were not spanked... I'm of the mixed generation where it was coming into main stream that you shouldn't hit your kids and anything that left a mark was considered child abuse. Which seems to be the full standard today.
Yes I am aggressive. And I don't apologize for it. Nor do I think being aggressive a bad thing. It's served me well so far.
In school, I was the straight A quiet one. The "well adjusted" ones the anti-spankers seem so fond of.
And I lied on all those questionnaires and "raise your hand if" situations concerning corporal discipline, as did my "well adjusted and smart" friends because we understood the ramifications of telling the truth.
Studies aren't always accurate when it comes to personal issues.
That was my philosophy. Unfortunately I didn't get much chance to apply it. I did apply sharp smacks to the nappy to teach them to listen to me and it worked. There were no tears or upset, just a look of surprise. I taught them when I lowered my voice and spoke sharply they were to take heed and they did. That went right through into early adulthood. Even the one on drugs would take heed but I did have to be quite forceful. He was 25 before he dared smoke in front of me. Before that he would hide his cigarette. Their mother who 'spanked' them and shouted at them had limited control over them.
Crying is another odd, but possibly effective form of punishment. It makes them feel that what they're doing is hurting you.
hehe. I can think outside of the box. I don't have to think of these rural, backwoods punishments.
I don't care for the new age, PC bs ways of thinking today.To me, that's what allows these little hellions to run the streets. I am all for spanking kids- if they need it. As a parent, one should not take joy in it, but don't be so damn fearful of it.
My girlfriends son is a complete brat, and at three years old is sad. They don't like to spank him, there isn't much consistancy, so nothing works. My oldest son, he would get spanked, he got time outs, toys taken, most of the time the spankings worked most. My mama spanked me if I really effed up, my granny had the three time rule- 3rd time was your ass. That is what I used, last time I had to spank him was the third time he acted up in school- the second time he peed on somebody.
Not every kid needs a spanking or a beating, some do. I don't think it directly cooralates with how they grow up, for most people outside influences are stronger than home training. Training kids is like training animals, which when you tell someone that, they get all deffensive. Humans are animals, human children are just like baby animals. Parents who pull their heads from their asses can see that the mannerisms and mental capacity is similar, the difference is human children grow in to the higher mental thinking of teen and adulthood. I've raised three dogs, only one of them, the cocker spaniel needed the most spankings, nor the boarder collie or gold lab/chow mix.
My one year old probably won't be as bad as my four year old, when he's four, which I'd be happy to never spank. If he needs it, then he needs it. I mean a slap on the butt, or hand, not pulling out the old family war weapons- extension chords, long handled shoe horns, belts, or paddles and shoes. I go Rambo, lol.
I mean a slap on the butt, or hand, not pulling out the old family war weapons- extension chords, long handled shoe horns, belts, or paddles and shoes. I go Rambo, lol.
Therein lies the secret. No beatings allowed! It's the beatings that do the harm. One only needs to observe wild animals (mammals) to get the idea of how it should be done.
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