Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
hahahaha, that's so hilarious. Glad you made yourself laugh!
Quote:
Originally Posted by runswithscissors
OH so in marriage counselling you guys sit there and listen and wait for the couple to magically have the epiphany of how to proceed?
Is that therapy by Magic Eight Ball? HAHAHA
I explained in my previous post about therapists who just listen.
But no, I'm not a marriage counselor. I actually couldn't stand doing couples work--not for me. Some therapists do it well, but I just kept ending up triangulated, or standing on the sidelines while they played out their usual scripts.
Couples therapists also follow different schools of theoretical thought, and they should be providing actual interventions in the session that have some goal attached to them.
hahahaha, that's so hilarious. Glad you made yourself laugh!
I explained in my previous post about therapists who just listen.
But no, I'm not a marriage counselor. I actually couldn't stand doing couples work--not for me. Some therapists do it well, but I just kept ending up triangulated, or standing on the sidelines while they played out their usual scripts.
Couples therapists also follow different schools of theoretical thought, and they should be providing actual interventions in the session that have some goal attached to them.
AH but you said:
Originally Posted by TracySam View Post
As others have noted, a therapist or counselor is not there to give advice. In fact, in our training we are discouraged from giving direct advice except in a few kinds of situations. A lot of people have encountered bad therapists, but don't let those bad examples make you decide about all therapists.
So that was a non sequitur.. and you did use the term "counselor". And say "OUR training".
My crystal ball broke today, so I'd have no way of knowing your information did not apply to "marriage" counselors as opposed to uh...OTHER counselors. Hence the Magic Eight ball coming into play.
As others have noted, a therapist or counselor is not there to give advice. In fact, in our training we are discouraged from giving direct advice except in a few kinds of situations. A lot of people have encountered bad therapists, but don't let those bad examples make you decide about all therapists.
I had a great therapist. He's a gay man. I'm a straight woman. He had experience in relationships therapy and with people whose lives were affected by others' addictions. Worked well for me.
I will echo what you say about "advice". Therapy is not about giving advice. Oddly, some people seem to think that's what it is.
***
Back to the OP--a friend of mine and her husband went to a marriage counselor. It was a married woman who worked in an office out of her home. Her husband would call in the middle of sessions and she would take the call, and then one day the husband made one of his calls, and it apparently was to tell the therapist that a storm was coming and that she had to go around the house and close all the windows that were open--AND SHE GOT UP, LEFT THE COUPLE SITTING THERE AND DID IT.
They ended up laughing over this marriage counselor who couldn't even manage her own marriage and didn't go back. They're still married, too.
i actually think this gives the therapist more credibility having gone or going thru similar challenges- its just not "textbook" , its real life... and experience..
i actually think this gives the therapist more credibility having gone or going thru similar challenges- its just not "textbook" , its real life... and experience..
Opinion varies obviously.
I think if one person got through addiction, trauma, abusive relationship, that person has more credibility giving advice.
However if a cheater has problems being faithful and now telling others how to manage their marriages, I'd say "save your time, you are waste of money."
I hope this is not off topic, but I do not think former addicts are good counselors. Maybe counseling with someone who has not been an addict can be beneficial.
As for a cheating marriage counselor? No judging from me, things happen, people change.
I have always wondered though how effective a priest, who has never been married, can really be an effective marriage counselor. Especially when their agenda is to keep marriages together. Reminds me of a story a friend of mine told me, she was Mormon, and having problems in her marriage, and spoke with her LDS bishop, because it was also affecting her faith, basically he told her being more obedient was the key to a better relationship! So much for religious leaders and marriage therapy!
People may disagree with this, but marriage therapy, really does not work. INMO. The fact that a couple seeks therapy shows how much dysfunction there is in the relationship. Couples either decide to live with the dysfunction, or not. Divorce is not easy, it is economically devastating, and for women, not a lot of men are lining up to marry women with two or more kids. I am not advocating a woman stay in an abusive relationship for financial security, but it is easy to advise someone to leave an abusive marriage, the financial security is a big issue.
I earn a good salary, and even for me, it was tough being a single Mom.
jasper I see exactly what your saying... its easy for people with a good standard of security or a family with money behind them to help... but a lot of women have kids and a house.. taking the house away from them could mean kids go into care.. its not as easy as some think to walk away... when I was a child in the Eastend of Glasgow some women had terrible lives that they had to endure as there was no one out there with financial or housing help so they just lived the nightmare..
Those who can't teach.
We have an unmarried counselor who helps us a lot.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
