Skipped out on my cousin's wedding because

[Midwest Maven]

Originally Posted by stan4

I have none of your other excuses (I have plenty of money and I am married with kid), but I sure as hell would not spend a dime or my rare time off to go to some obligatory function of someone I don't care about.

It's a relief to hear that other people in my shoes would have done the same thing -- not attend the wedding.

Originally Posted by victimofGM

To hell with them. If they aren't going to be more understanding and are instead going to make snide remarks then I'd write them off entirely. Such relatives are nothing but a source of stress and Jerry Springer moments. Luckily, most of my family is understanding of my situation if I choose not to attend a family function. I work rotating shifts at a hospital and cannot easily get out of certain shifts and my wife has spinal problems that causes her constant pain.

Exactly! They are a source of stress to be sure; especially my mother. She seems to grow meaner with age, much like the way wine ages but I'd rather drink an old bottle of wine, and put a cork in my mother, so I don't have to listen to her insults any longer.

Sorry to hear about your grueling work schedule and wife's spinal problems. Those are valid reasons to miss out on family functions for sure.

Originally Posted by NickySantoro

Skipped out on my cousin's wedding because..

Because you didn't feel like going is really all the reason you need. Send a nice card. No gift is required because you did not attend.

True. But my mother and siblings know about my life stressors so lesson learned: don't share that kind of information with family members whom I know will use it as ammunition to verbally abuse me.

I'll send a bookstore giftcard sometime in the near future. I can't really afford much else as I can barely make ends meet for myself at the moment. Although, why should I? My cousin never sent me a graduation card to acknowledge that I finished grad school this spring. I'll have to consider sending the giftcard because that doesn't seem fair to me since he sent me nothing.

Originally Posted by Ragazza2011

I also would not have attended. I had a "friend" who didn't keep in good contact with me either. She not only asked me to be in her wedding, but buy a $900 cruise ticket because that's where the actual ceremony was taking place, plus round trip airfare across the country, a $300 dress, and a gift! It was delightfully easy to say, "No thanks!"

Wow! Your friend sounds really shallow, to expect you to shell out that much money for her wedding, when she never kept in contact with you. You have to wonder what people are thinking when they send out their wedding invites. You clearly did the right thing by not going, and you saved a lot of money as a result.

[thisorthat]

Originally Posted by Midwest Maven

1. Don't have the money to cover out of state travel and lodging
2. Am not that close to him or my aunt and uncle
3. He's never made any effort to keep in touch with me on Facebook or email or through our mutual relatives

The rest of my family went and before they left, went out of their way to belittle me for choosing to stay home, despite the reasons listed above which I believe are pretty sensible.

I know I'll miss out on family gossip, but frankly all my cousins are Facebook friends with me; have my email address, my street address, and my phone number. Yet NONE of them bother to keep in contact with me other than posting statuses here and there on their Facebook.

And really, I didn't want to put myself in the scapegoat role if I had gone, because all my cousins who attended are married with children. I'm the last single cousin and feel really insecure about it and the fact that my recent grad school experience to get a teaching license was a huge debacle and only left me with a useless masters degree in education that isn't useable without a teaching license. I didn't want to put myself through the humiliation of having to explain my crappy life to cousins who have my contact information, but who never reach out.

Can anyone relate? Would you have gone to the wedding if you were in my shoes? Just curious.

Sounds like you made the right decision. I say, down with nonsensical social mores!

[savoytruffle]

I personally would have gone, if just for the fact that I like weddings because I get a reason to dress up, drink for free (generally) and eat for free!!

But if I didn't have the money to go, then tough luck for everyone else. I'm not saying you should've gone either. Your reasoning makes sense. Maybe if this was your brother, it'd be different. But a cousin you never speak to?

[SoCalCpl2]

IMO It's ONLY a cousin... I have not even spoken to my relatives in years... And as far as some of them belittling you for not going.. Tell them to **** and go about their business....

[LoveWisdom]

Originally Posted by Midwest Maven

1. Don't have the money to cover out of state travel and lodging
2. Am not that close to him or my aunt and uncle
3. He's never made any effort to keep in touch with me on Facebook or email or through our mutual relatives

The rest of my family went and before they left, went out of their way to belittle me for choosing to stay home, despite the reasons listed above which I believe are pretty sensible.

I know I'll miss out on family gossip, but frankly all my cousins are Facebook friends with me; have my email address, my street address, and my phone number. Yet NONE of them bother to keep in contact with me other than posting statuses here and there on their Facebook.

And really, I didn't want to put myself in the scapegoat role if I had gone, because all my cousins who attended are married with children. I'm the last single cousin and feel really insecure about it and the fact that my recent grad school experience to get a teaching license was a huge debacle and only left me with a useless masters degree in education that isn't useable without a teaching license. I didn't want to put myself through the humiliation of having to explain my crappy life to cousins who have my contact information, but who never reach out.

Can anyone relate? Would you have gone to the wedding if you were in my shoes? Just curious.

People usually only belittle someone if they don't want to do the thing in the first place, but are forced by duty or a sense of guilt or a sense of pleasing people. They begrudge you your freedom that you get to stay home and they couldn't.

But you're right. You don't have to go to a wedding. It's an option. It's not something you HAVE TO do.

[dunno what to put here]

I didn't go to my cousin's wedding because I wasn't invited, and I was relieved because he is a complete and total p!llock and I couldn't care less about him. My mother and sister didn't go because they agree with me, even though they were able to go if they wanted. The rest of the family went and I don't particularly care what they think or what they are saying, because I have very little interest in most of them and have no desire to associate myself with them, and if they really care about me, my mother or my sister then they would make an effort to stay in contact, because they don't live far away - so bugger the lot of them. Hopefully I'll never see any of them for as long as I'm living. The last thing I want to do is talk a bunch of thickos (and I can assure you that is what they are - and common as muck to boot, not to mention nasty (one of my aunt's threatened to punch my grandmother for a comment she made over Facebook, which wasn't offensive at all)).

Yikes, I didn't expect that. Anyway, the moral of the story is - family is overrated. I am in contact with the family members I care about and have a mutual respect for, and the rest? Who cares? It doesn't matter what they think. Why would I, or anyone else, want to to stay in contact with people who want to demean you or belittle you, just because they're family? It's ridiculous.

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by savoytruffle

I personally would have gone, if just for the fact that I like weddings because I get a reason to dress up, drink for free (generally) and eat for free!!

You get a nice outfit, pedi/mani, make up, drive all the way, bring a gift just so you can eat and drink for free?
You are spending $$$$ so you can save $?


Back to the OP - I would have just said you would like to come but you can't get off work for whatever reason.

[Midwest Maven]

Originally Posted by thisorthat

Sounds like you made the right decision. I say, down with nonsensical social mores!

Agreed!

Originally Posted by savoytruffle

I personally would have gone, if just for the fact that I like weddings because I get a reason to dress up, drink for free (generally) and eat for free!!

But if I didn't have the money to go, then tough luck for everyone else. I'm not saying you should've gone either. Your reasoning makes sense. Maybe if this was your brother, it'd be different. But a cousin you never speak to?

I have a reason to dress up every day -- I go to my temp job.

I've never liked going to weddings, even the ones where I was a bridesmaid. Plus, I don't drink and if I want to eat for free I just go over to a friend's house. So, that eliminates my need to attend an out of state wedding.

And my brother's been married for quite a few years. And no, it wouldn't be different because he's a horse's behind whose wedding was PAINFUL to attend. If he ever gets remarried, I'm not going to go, OR provide a reasonable excuse because he definitely doesn't deserve one.

Originally Posted by SoCalCpl2

IMO It's ONLY a cousin... I have not even spoken to my relatives in years... And as far as some of them belittling you for not going.. Tell them to **** and go about their business....

True. A cousin who doesn't make an effort to keep in touch. I don't even speak to my dad's side of the family and they live in the same state as I do -- but they are jerks. Oh believe me, I'd love to tell them off but it's not worth wasting a good monologue of cursing on people who can't be bothered to remember important events in my life, like my graduation from graduate school.

Sorry to hear you don't speak to your relatives either.

Originally Posted by LoveWisdom

People usually only belittle someone if they don't want to do the thing in the first place, but are forced by duty or a sense of guilt or a sense of pleasing people. They begrudge you your freedom that you get to stay home and they couldn't.

But you're right. You don't have to go to a wedding. It's an option. It's not something you HAVE TO do.

I agree and in this case, I know for a fact that my mother didn't want to go because she was recently diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. She worried that everyone would judge her if she went. My sister convinced her to go anyway, so they both went. And before she left, my mother spent a good week attempting to guilt-trip me with personal insults related to my age, my lack of income (my temp job), and her perception of what our relatives would think if I didn't go (that "old maids like you just stay inside and don't go anywhere" to quote her directly). She tried to bribe me too; promising to pay for my airfare as long as I agreed to a lifetime of indentured servitude by spending every weekend at her apartment doing her laundry, cleaning her apartment, cooking her meals and watching tv with her and basically have no life of my own.

Yeah. No thanks. I can have no life on my own time. At my own apartment. With my two cats. And cable tv.

I said "no!" obviously. Lol!

Originally Posted by dunno what to put here

I didn't go to my cousin's wedding because I wasn't invited, and I was relieved because he is a complete and total p!llock and I couldn't care less about him. My mother and sister didn't go because they agree with me, even though they were able to go if they wanted. The rest of the family went and I don't particularly care what they think or what they are saying, because I have very little interest in most of them and have no desire to associate myself with them, and if they really care about me, my mother or my sister then they would make an effort to stay in contact, because they don't live far away - so bugger the lot of them. Hopefully I'll never see any of them for as long as I'm living. The last thing I want to do is talk a bunch of thickos (and I can assure you that is what they are - and common as muck to boot, not to mention nasty (one of my aunt's threatened to punch my grandmother for a comment she made over Facebook, which wasn't offensive at all)).

Yikes, I didn't expect that. Anyway, the moral of the story is - family is overrated. I am in contact with the family members I care about and have a mutual respect for, and the rest? Who cares? It doesn't matter what they think. Why would I, or anyone else, want to to stay in contact with people who want to demean you or belittle you, just because they're family? It's ridiculous.

You have my empathy for the family situation you have to put up with. I completely understand. I do. My dad's side of the family are just as low. Rather than "salt of the earth" people they are more like slime. They have done a lot of underhanded things to my siblings and my mom since my dad died, and I vowed I wouldn't attend either funeral of my aunt or uncle, or of my cousins on my dad's side. Terrible people, they are. Terrible.

Originally Posted by oh-eve

You get a nice outfit, pedi/mani, make up, drive all the way, bring a gift just so you can eat and drink for free?
You are spending $$$$ so you can save $?


Back to the OP - I would have just said you would like to come but you can't get off work for whatever reason.

You know, I didn't even get the chance to offer up that convenient excuse to my aunt, because my mom called her and told her I wasn't coming because I didn't want to. She told me that my aunt's feelings were hurt. But whatever, its not as though my aunt bothered to call me to congratulate me on my graduation from grad school (yeah i know, I can't let that one go but it's recent so it really hurts that my cousins on my mom's side pretty much ignored such an accomplishment by not acknowledging it, even if it was just a quick email, or FB post). I don't buy that my aunt's feelings were hurt either, considering her history of never contacting me to keep in touch. I guess she assumes that whatever information my mom relays to me through her counts as communication to me. But that's lame.

Weddings -- and family weddings at that -- are overrated. I'm glad I didn't go now. I'm glad to read that others have been in my shoes, and that others agree that not attending a distant family member's wedding is not the end of the world.

I don't know why it bothered me so much, the way my mom spent so much time guilt-tripping me and insulting me to try to convince me to go to the wedding with her, when my sister and her husband went with her anyway. My brother didn't go because he and his wife and their kids were already out of town.