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Not true. When my sister jumped off her building, she had no forward thoughts of who was going to find her or anything else. She was at her absolute end and could take no more suffering. I don't even think she knew what she was doing. She opened her window, went out on the fire escape, climbed up to the roof, ran across it and jumped off.
My sister would never, ever have wanted to upset anyone or punish anyone or say "f you" to the world. That wasn't how she was. She was a tormented soul and she was only trying to end her suffering.
I am sorry for your loss.
Every story is unique.
I am in no position to judge.
My opinion only applies to those whom the "shoe would fit."
Prior to feeling suicidal, I would've agreed. Even when my parents asked, "Why would you put us through that?" I responded with, "Well, I have life insurance to cover the funeral. You could use the rest for any therapy services that you may need." Needless to say, we went to the psychiatrist the next day and she prescribed 5mg of Welbutrin (in addition to the 20mg of Lexapro that I was already taking).
When you're suicidal, you don't think you're being selfish. You think you're doing what's best for everyone. Life is extremely painful.
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Originally Posted by imcurious
I do think that their disregard for the effects on others could be considered selfish. If they end their lives in a violent way, they have to have considered that someone will find them - in that way, you could say they are selfish or perhaps "passive-aggressive." Some may do it as a way to punish - to say "F You" to the world and whomever finds them. That's not "nice."
You have the psychology behind suicide wrong. Guys are the ones who tend to chose a violent way out because they want it quick and over with. Girls care more about how their body will be found and how it will look in the coffin. So, we tend to hang ourselves (marks can be disguised with make up or necklace) or make a drug cocktail.
If I want to say "F You" to the world, I'd do something inappropriate in a courtroom or something…
The suicide closest to me was a case of "terminal mental illness." In his case, his mental illnesses defeated him much in the same way cancer beat my mother.
There are cases where all therapies have been tried and failed and/or life is so wretched (in their eyes) that I couldn't suggest to suffer and endure "just cuz."
In my life, I have only had one personal experience with a suicide. A young man, many years ago that worked with me at a factory. He and I would eat lunch together occasionally, and we got along great. We always had jokes, and a laugh for each other. We talked about life, and family, and there seemed to be no problems in his life that I could detect. He was a very hard worker, and quick learner. The factory was to be shut down for the Christmas holidays, and so we said our good-byes, and that we would be back after the holidays. When I returned to work, I didn't see the young man, and inquired of my Foreman where he was. My Foreman told me that over the holiday, when the young man's wife, and daughter were off, somewhere, he sat down in their living room, and put a gun to his head.
This happened over 30 years ago, and to this day this incident still haunts me. I was devastated for a long time afterwards. I didn't know him very well, as he had only worked at the shop for a month, but yet, I felt somewhat close to him, and wished I could have changed his destiny somehow. He was such a young man with so much promise. Once, when we were talking he had shown me a picture of his wife, and little girl. It was as if he wanted to let me be privy to his world, but it wasn't enough for me to detect any battles he may have been up against. I would gladly have done all I could to prevent what happened later.
I don't think he was selfish in his decision after having learned more about suicide as I got older. Apparently his demons were stronger than his will to endure, and he simply saw no other option. Most likely there was more to his situation than others ever knew, but possibly because he couldn't see any solution he felt no one else could either. If he had only confided in someone for help, whose to say how his life would have turned out? I feel that people who commit suicide aren't being selfish. They most likely feel they have run out of options, and do the only thing they know they have complete control over. Take their life. A sad fact.
No, it is not selfish. Also, I do not agree with the statistic that 90% of those who did commit suicide had a "mental illness". Sorry, we throw that word around far too much these days. Some people just hurt. Something happened to them along the way....sometimes it is a mental illness, sometimes it's not. For those who commit suicide, it is too much for them to keep living. Their hope is dead. It no longer exists. When you lose hope, you lose everything. Even those who suffer mental illness can lose hope. The agony will never end for them, they know it, and they are tired. There is no hope that it will ever be any other way. For those who do not suffer mental illness, there is a chance to give them that hope, but we can't seem to be bothered.
When someone talks about how selfish someone is for committing suicide, all I can think is: "Where were you? Why didn't you notice anything? Were you there when they did give out their calls for help, no matter how subtle those calls were?" Granted, it is more difficult when someone has a mental illness...but again, not all of those who commit suicide have mental illnesses. We don't get to just wrap them all up in one blanket and say, "Oh well, they were mentally ill, that's why I couldn't do anything". I'm not talking about people who suffered mental illnesses, I'm talking about those who were very depressed, in pain...pain so bad it shot down their arms. Pain so bad it made them sit in the dark, in their house, alone, curled up in a ball because the world out there just causes too much pain. I'm talking about those who did ask for help, but were so embarrassed, their request was very subtle...but if anyone had taken the time, they would have seen it was a request for help. I'm talking about people who were in so much pain, they never showed any feeling other than happy, cracking jokes all the time....how do you mask your pain when around others? You don't show one bit of it to them because you can't take one more bit of negativity. So you make jokes. People who are in so much pain, they can't even function...but they hide it well, because no one ever checks up on them. They get, "How are you", and answer, "fine" and that is enough for the other person because people, in general, don't really care how other people are doing, and we miss so much because we don't take the time to pay attention to other people. And there's a lot of them that have committed suicide who were the ones I'm talking about, the ones who did not have a mental illness.
I mean, we sit here and read, or sometimes write, "Oh I wish I could help but...." We see it all over the place. Rescues put up dogs that need help, or they need donations, or there's a disaster in some part of the world that needs volunteers, and what do you see on forums, and twitter, and Facebook?
"Oh I wish I could help but...."
No. It's a lie when someone says that. They do not wish they could help if it makes them leave their comfort zone and actually put in the work necessary to help someone, or an animal. Give $5? "Oh, I wish I could help but I don't have $5" nevermind that they are sipping on a Starbucks at the same time they write that out.
"You're hungry and have no food? Oh I wish I could help but...." No, they don't wish they could help their friend that they have known for 10 years.
"You can tell me anything. Any time you need someone to talk to, call me"
Brrrrrrring.
Depressed Person: "Hey, I need someone to talk to...."
Liar: "Oh, I wish I could help but...I'm on my way out the door...." Nevermind that it's just to the grocery store.
So, no. Those who commit suicide are not selfish. They need someone, not some random person at the other end of a hot line, they need someone in their circle of "friends" or family to listen, to help them when they are asking for it. But we are too wrapped up in our own lives that we can't be bothered to take that 2 hour phone call, or drop what we are doing and go to that person, take them out for a coffee, or a walk in the park to feed the ducks while they talk, and ask for help.
"Gee, maybe you should see a therapist..."
Yah, and maybe the person who is ready to commit suicide just wants a friend to listen. Maybe they aren't asking for their problem to be solved, maybe they just want to know that someone hears them. But we can't be bothered. And then the person kills themselves and all we can think about is, "How selfish of them! Don't they understand how they made ME FEEL?" God, talk about selfish.
No.
People who think a suicidal individual should live to satisfy other people's happiness is selfish. Everyone has their own life to live
Great way to put it.
I suppose a mother or father who leaves a house full of little kids is extremely selfish, but if s/he is suidical, what kind of life is that for the family?
So to say somebody who committed suicide are selfish is almost like saying being sick is selfish.
The bottom line is that nobody knows who is considering suicide sometimes. Everyone has left low, down or depressed at one point in their life, so how can anybody judge them for wanting to end their lives?
One of my grief counselor has used the term "terminal mental illness" to describe suicidal desperation. So when suicide is discussed, maybe people should be careful with the word "selfishness" because blaming and judging the suicide victim, only adds more pain and suffering to the people they left behind.
Do you believe people who committed suicide are selfish?
It depends on the situation. I have dealt with suicide 3x in my life. First one was a really good friend in HS my junior yr. She had been suspended for three days because she was cutting class. On her second day of suspension, we found out she had hung herself. Anyways, a few days after her funeral. It came out that she was being sexually/emotionally/physically abused by her father. During her wake, he wouldn’t let any of us go near her. Anytime one of us walked towards the casket, he’d get up and “shoo” us away with his cane. Eventually, her mother let us see her but it was obvious this woman was terrified of her husband .
My grandfather also commited suicide the next yr and out of all days on fathers day. We don’t know why but he just stuck a gun in his mouth. Many say it’s because his wife was always nagging him that she wanted to move (they lived in a tiny farming community in Texas). She wanted to move in the city to be closer to her daughter. He told her many times, only way he was going into the city was in a casket…
About 3 yrs later, his son (my uncle) did the same exact thing. Turns out, he had just gone to the dr and found out he had leukemia.
I think it is selfish, but in my friends case, it seemed like she felt she had no way out.
I think people who end their lives fail to realize the impact they will leave on those who they left behind. And just keep them wondering “What could I have done?” What could I have said?” “Why didnt I do this? Why didn’t I spend more time with them” etc etc
To answer this question, you really need context. Not all suicides are equal.
As we grow older, our responsibilities also grow. My older brother committed suicide in 2007, and left his 1 year old daughter behind. I don't think he was selfish because he left me, my brothers and sister, or my parents. I think it so because he left his daughter behind who now has to grow up without a father.
As some of you say, maybe he was incapable of thinking about anything other then his pain. That maybe so, but isn't that the definition of selfish? Only thinking of ones self? In my brothers suicide I do think so. I cannot speak for anyone else. I had a close friend commit suicide in my mid teens, and I do not think of that as selfish. Not all suicides are equal.
Do not think because I feel this way that I think he was a bad person. We are all selfish in ways. Some people more then others. He was the best man I have known in my life. He is a role model to this day. Many of the lessons he thought me are still guiding me. If he needed to leave us for reasons unknown to us, I will go on and be OK with it. I only wish my beautiful niece got to know her father.
Somebody once told me suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Maybe in some cases is isn't temporary. But I would wager a lot are just that.
Do you believe people who committed suicide are selfish?
Absolutely not! It's a shame that our government has criminalized the decision one makes with ending the illusion of their own consciousness as something selfish or bad. Everyone is on their own unique life path with their own set of hardships and circumstances. We're given our consciousness and should be able to decide when we don't want to participate in it anymore. It's selfish for people to guilt others to stay alive when they're suffering an incurable malaise and have no idea what their personal agony feels like.
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