What to do for ugly or severely unattractive people (men, dating, college)
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I feel your pain. In some ways, I was fortunate to have good friends that I grew up with. I am retired now, but I stayed in my place of employment (40+ years) so long because I was afraid that I would not be able to get another job. Many times I felt totally invisible; ostracized, ignored, overlooked. Compliments were hardly ever passed along to me. I had low self esteem, so my salary was kept at a lower amount because I was afraid to ask for a raise. I worked in an area of Florida where looks are very important. When I was growing up in Indiana, I didn't feel so judged based on my looks. When I moved to Florida for my job, I left all my good friends. I didn't date in high school and just had a couple dates in college, although I had friends that I hung out with.
It is a lonely world for ugly people. I was unattractive facially and sooooo skinny. I didn't weigh 100 pounds until I was in my mid 40's. My love of nature (hiking), gardening and animals has kept me relatively happy. I love my dogs - they don't judge. Do you have any hobbies? Do you have a pet?
I wish you luck and hope you can find some happiness.
Thank you for your well wishes.
Yes, I do have a cat who doesn't judge me. She's lived for years before I turned ugly (I was pretty until a few years ago), and she's treated me the same before and after.
I enjoy hiking, but I don't drive, and no one will drive me to hiking places. My only friend doesn't drive freeways, too. I can't do multi-leg public transit and/or Uber to get to hiking trails because transit is scary for me - condescending drivers and passengers, dirty looks, etc.
I know my previous post was very long, but there was a lot in there. I'm going to repeat a lot of what I wrote in that previous post.
No one else wants to be my friend, and believe me, I've tried extremely hard. Obviously, no men want anything to do with me romantically. They're disgusted if they think I like them. Men treat me even worse than women do - and women treat me horrendously enough.
My ugliness is so extreme that I can't leave the house without dirty looks and poor treatment. Whenever I go into a store or coffeehouse, employees see me for a split second at the counter and then they LEAVE without acknowledging me. And then they come back a LONG time later, fail to greet me, are rude, and fail to thank me. Then I see the same employees giving amazing service to other customers, when they had just given me extremely bad service. They'd immediately help other customers, greet them, chat with them, smile, and give them a warm farewell. Employees always go from a 10 in customer service with others to a 0 with me - even in the space of a few seconds. I am consistently ignored and treated rudely in stores - and everywhere else.
There's a lot more I didn't write in that previous long post, too - my life is extremely complex and painful. My ugliness is so extreme - and it's also combined with racism and stereotypes - which is why my life is uniquely excruciating.
I get daily abuse and trauma from EVERYONE due to extreme unattractiveness - even people who are typically nice to others. My face is so disgusting to look at, it makes people's stomach churn, they always give me a dirty look, and they always treat me like cattle. I was once pretty, so the contrast has been extreme.
I totally agree with your comments. Life can be much easier for an unattractive male than it is for an unattractive female.
Yes, life is extremely hard and painful for an extremely unattractive female. I may be the ugliest woman in the world. If I posted my pics, I'd get a consistent 0/10 from 100% of voters, for sure. What I've written about how people treat me/shun me should prove that my ugliness is extreme.
Anyone want to post pics - or even better - videos? Videos give us a much better idea of our real look, since pics are static and not as accurate.
I'm actually far uglier than Susan Boyle - at least she has a normal, open face that makes her look friendly. You don't squint or give a disgusted look when you see her face. My face is such that it's gut-wrenching to look at, and painful for the human eye to see. The problem is that my face looks like a normal human face - just an extremely ugly, manly, pseudo-old one (I'm young but look old). It doesn't look like a facial defect, deformity, or condition - just an ugly face. Since people just think it's just an ugly face, and not a disability, they feel free to treat me even worse. Society's cruelty, hatred, and lack of empathy for ugly faces is the last continuing discrimination/injustice that's still unknown and unacknowledged - so it goes on everyday, relentlessly.
I used to, and continue to enjoy fashion and beauty products. I'm girly in a lot of my tastes. However, whenever I go to any makeup stores, they assume I've never worn makeup in my life, when I'm practically an expert. I never got the "makeup virgin" accusation before I became ugly, so it's my ugliness that makes people assume I know nothing about makeup when it's one of my greatest passions.
Also, I used to get a lot of compliments about my clothes and style before I turned ugly and when I still looked pretty. After becoming ugly, people pretty much stopped complimenting me on my clothes and accessories. And people see me as unstylish now, when they would've seen me as stylish before, with the same clothes. Whenever I go to stores, employees ignore me and assume I won't buy, when they definitely wouldn't have ignored me before. So an ugly, mannish face makes people ignore my nice clothes/makeup and automatically think I'm unstylish, cheap, and won't buy.
That's implicit bias:
ugly face + nice clothes = people think you're unstylish
pretty face + average clothes = people think you're stylish.
I've learned an awful lot about human psychology and subconscious biases since I developed my facial condition and turned from pretty to ugly.
How did you "become" ugly, Ugly Doll? That is a VERY unusual scenario, to transform from pretty to ugly overnight. Were you in an accident? Wouldn't plastic surgery be part of your recovery then?
I understand well how cruel and offensive some people can be but have a hard time believing anyone can be so physically "ugly" that no one wants anything to do with them. I'm not talking about congenital disfigurements or the result of accident. Most humane people can be sympathetic or at least understanding about those.
I am what most would consider "homely". Some might have called me ugly behind my back. The kids in school teased me, one of my siblings who spent a lot of effort on her appearance routinely made nasty remarks about my looks or how I dressed. You don't forget hurts like this but you do survive them. My other sibling whose profession does depend on her looks (so they are important to her) never did this. I don't have a flair for dress but choose what I like. I believe if you like what you wear and are comfortable you appear "attractive" to others because of your demeanor and how you treat them. Maybe I haven't gotten a job because some shallow person didn't like my appearance. Maybe it was a good thing. Working under such a cloud would have been miserable.
I remember being approached at a private beach club my parents once joined (because they had an accessible wheelchair ramp to the sand) and being asked rather rudely to leave. Most likely because my less-than spectacular looks, broke college kid car, and casual style of dress didn't fit their expectations. Whipped out the stupid ID card, politely asked for a manager, and watched the person squirm when I described their incivility.
I had a close friend in high school who was also pretty homely, but awkward and a struggling student on top of it. Her parents never gave her a moment's peace. They wanted the Stepford child. Frankly they were abusive and it broke my heart to hear their constant criticism of a sweet, shy, and lovely person. So, we shared the homeliness thing but the difference was how our parents treated us. Mine would have never treated anyone that way and taught those things to me. My friend turned out to be an amazingly brave person. She moved out without a word to anyone on the morning of her 18th birthday and started a new life. Her parents tried to find out where she was by interrogating me but I refused and told them why. I heard from her years later....married, a daughter, a steady job she liked, and seemingly at peace.
My judgmental sibling has never been what I would consider a contented or happy person regardless how much effort she spent on her looks and how she tried to elevate her self by insulting others. To me that is more telling. I can't recall men ever being attracted to me because of my looks, approaching me in public, or giving me appearance-related compliments. Sometimes it bothers and confuses me but remind myself that I have close male friends who never cared about such superficial things. So you learn to handle idiotic insults and to focus more on things under more of your control. Yeah, all the inside stuff, attitude, abilities, talents, accomplishments and contributions. Don't ever dismiss them as second best. They're not, and they last. NO ONE can take those things away, and in dark moments remind yourself of them. The saying about true beauty being more than skin deep is a saying because its true. The saying wasn't created only by abused bitter people desperate for acknowledgement. Ugliness can be more than skin deep just as easily. I'll take the former.
Was this because my parents instilled a sense of self worth from the get go? Certainly. Was it luck to end up around people who looked beyond the dress, the face, the posture, the clothing, and paid more attention to the person underneath all that? Sure, sometimes. There were times when I felt slighted and ignored because I wasn't the office's shining star performer, the charismatic people magnet. That's only human. But there were also times when someone told me that I had kept a disaster from happening, that I was the trusted go-to person, or the glue on a team that kept everything going in a pinch. You can have selective hearing in a good way or a bad one. I firmly believe in the ability to rise above the nastiness. Let the inner child sulk about an insult for a while, but get over it and remind yourself about the good things. Believe me, there are others who notice.
The french have a saying " jolie laide" it roughly means a good looking ugly person, celebrating the unconventionally beautiful, substance over surface, etc.
Unfair as it is a beautiful person can be an absolute slob and truly ignorant and people will over look it. The not so blessed don't have that pass. Don't let it get to you. (I know, easier said than done. It takes lots of practice) Always be ready to present the best you possible.
No matter the circumstances, rise above it.
Or as my grandma used to say "When they are being mean and judgemental to you, be gracious and compassionate back...makes 'em feel like real a** h****! ...
I recall reading C.S. Lewis once commented on his friend Charles Williams, who was very unattractive but whose personality was so vivacious and engaging that the ladies adored him.
A genuine, deep and vivacious personality makes people attractive. It is rare to find one in anyone.
The tragedy for "ugly" people is their chances of developing such a personality amid bullying and societal expectations is much lower than your average looker.
I've learned an awful lot about human psychology and subconscious biases since I developed my facial condition and turned from pretty to ugly.
Until you describe that condition you just sound like a severe BDD case. To go from pretty to extremely ugly over night would require that you had acid thrown over your face or a facial burn injury.
Until you describe that condition you just sound like a severe BDD case. To go from pretty to extremely ugly over night would require that you had acid thrown over your face or a facial burn injury.
^^^^
This.
Can't get my head around what happened to this poor soul ... who seems to have vanished.
Water rises to its own level...........there are millions of ugly people out there just waiting to meet their ugly-match
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