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I'm going to assume an interpretation of ocnjgirl's post, this is how I took it so I hope she corrects me if I'm mistaken.
You should be confident that you can do things you've never done before... Just because you haven't done something doesn't mean you can't it just means you haven't. Of course you can't be confident in a nonexistent/unpracticed ability/activity ie "dating, doing a backflip, drifting a race car with expert precision" etc but you can be confident in your ability to learn and acquire the skills/knowledge necessary to become proficient in these things, which will lead to confidence in the ability itself which comes through much repetition of a skill.
I was a competitive gymnast in high school but before I was a gymnast I wasn't a gymnast...but I was confident that I could learn any of the skills I needed to be competitive despite innate physical disadvantages, ie standing at 5"10 & weighing close to 200(used to workout a lot!) pounds I was much taller and physically larger than most competitive gymnasts.... Didn't stop me, and I competed successfully for over four years
No what I'm saying is how can you be confident in something you fail at. I have tried dating and all i got was rejection should I tell my self Im hot stuff or accept that its not for me? I never believed in lying to myself.
No what I'm saying is how can you be confident in something you fail at. I have tried dating and all i got was rejection should I tell my self Im hot stuff or accept that its not for me? I never believed in lying to myself.
Gotcha...that is a tougher one to conquer. I've had issues with that myself (failure)in certain areas, particularly careerwise and to some degree social settings as well. I'm afraid I don't have much to offer except to be disciplined in your ability to persist despite failure, sometimes even massive, persistent failure. In these situations you definitely need to be able to somewhat step outside yourself, if you will, and analyze the data so to speak. Success leaves clues and fortunately so does failure...reminds me of the saying "If you keep doing what you've always done you'll keep getting what you've always gotten"...
I'm "confident" you will conquer this challenge if your persist and change your approach as much and as often as necessary!
See what ^ I did there?
There are charities out there that help people with various deformities, and will even help people that are abuse survivors and ex-inmates so that they can leave the past behind. The task is tracking them down and going through the process to qualify.
Now, if someone is just "ugly", well, that's subjective, and there's always going to be some mean-spirited person that will call someone else "ugly", no matter whether or not others agree. There are many people out there that are not conventionally attractive, but manage to develop a sense of humor or other attribute that diminishes others' focus on their looks. How people carry themselves, their attitudes, even something as minor as the perfume/cologne they wear can alter one's perception of another's attractiveness. Ever meet someone you thought was attractive until they started talking?
There was this show on a while back called Extreme Makeover, where they would profile one or two people and follow them throughout the journey of getting surgery, extensive dental work, personal training, wardrobe, hair and makeup, and they would have the "reveal". One of the episodes featured twins who both had cleft palate. I should mention that they both had husbands and children despite that. They both had the makeovers, and yes, they looked great afterwards, but a news show did a follow up a couple of years later to see how the twins fared. One was really happy whereas the other one had problems and was discontent with life. So, it takes more than just looks.
So you should be confident in things you have never done before? I shoud be confident in dating when i have never had one? Im sorry it just doesnt make sense
I did not say you should be confident in dating. I said you can't take confidence and put it into boxes like that, that confidence is more internalized than that. Confident people are people who feel good about themselves in general and that translates into success in many areas, including dating. What I said is you should do things that make you feel proud of yourself, and that will lead to confidence, and that confidence will lead you to success in dating and other areas.
I did not say you should be confident in dating. I said you can't take confidence and put it into boxes like that, that confidence is more internalized than that. Confident people are people who feel good about themselves in general and that translates into success in many areas, including dating. What I said is you should do things that make you feel proud of yourself, and that will lead to confidence, and that confidence will lead you to success in dating and other areas.
I mean, do you have friends, a good social life, can you hold your own at a party where you don't know anyone? Because if you have a hard time connecting with people in general, or get socially anxious, quiet, etc, to me pushing out of your comfort zone by taking a class, joining a meetup group and going to events where you don't know anybody, joining Toastmasters where you have to speak in front of a group, those kind of things will build your confidence overall, because you will know you can get past fear and be okay. THAT IMO is how you build confidence, and then you'll be able to approach girls as a man, proud of who he is and confident, and that is when your romantic life will get better. If you don't know you're a prize, how would you expect anyone else to?
They lack self esteem and confidence and need to start seeing themselves as attractive. Attractiveness is highly subjective, and each person has a very different standard of what is beautiful and ugly.
It's pretty much about confidence though, from my own experience. I'm a pretty skinny man, I have trouble gaining weight, I'm also slightly Shorter than most men, I'm actually the average height of women. So my body frame is pretty small. But that has never stopped me from getting girls. I'm not saying I'm ugly, I think I have attractive sharp looking features, but my confidence has always made women notice me. I even have women who are already in relationships that want me. Crazy huh?
Just be yourself, have a good self image, and be confident. Also there is more to a person than looks. Intelligence, sense of humor etc....
A thread that was moved from the relationships to the fashion forum got me thinking. It seems that few people wish to acknowledge how being born physically ugly, unattractive or deformed can severely compromise or even destroy an individual's quality of life (I believe that without any kind of quality of life you are basically not living).
We all know that people are cruel and judgmental while others will spin the "it's what's inside that counts" nonsense to try to make afflicted people feel better. The reality is that being severely unattractive will cause the following problems:
- You will / have been severely bullied and tormented at school
- Little or no chance of ever experiencing love
- Difficulty making friends
- More difficulty obtaining employment.
As a result of the above, many so-called ugly people lead lives of loneliness, rejection and self loathing. Everyone is different and I'm sure some can live with it, while others become severely depressed or even suicidal (such people are the ones I'm referring to).
Cosmetic surgery is very expensive and many people simply cannot afford to fix themselves to be accepted by this cruel and judgmental culture here in America. Without money or good insurance there's little you can do. Such people are wedged between having a disability in which they would most likely get free healthcare, but are too normal in every other sense to qualify for such life changing help. Even people who are poor and born with severe dental or orthodontic problems are basically screwed because of the cost.
So what can be done for such people? Obviously you can't make someone be attracted to an ugly person and I don't believe that ugliness should be treated as a disability (I do think such people should be protected from obvious discrimination though). These are some of my suggestions:
- Free cosmetic, dental and orthodontic surgery for those who qualify
- Free mental health counseling
- More focus on anti bullying
- Anti discrimination laws to protect people
- For those who choose not to live, assisted suicide (as who wants to go through such a miserable life if nothing can be done to improve the situation for the sufferer)
Seriously, I have always been way below average on the attractive scale. yes, this led to me being more or less a social outcast growing up, but along the ay, I came to the non-judgemental realization that people, especially younger ones, are very shallow and insecure themselves.
Sadly, many adults are too.
I milk the unattractiveness thing for all it is worth. I wear my hair long, I do my thing as if I do not care if someone likes me or not. If someone is so shallow as to judge me, not knowing me, on my looks instead of my character*, then I do not need that person anyway.
I mean, do you have friends, a good social life, can you hold your own at a party where you don't know anyone? Because if you have a hard time connecting with people in general, or get socially anxious, quiet, etc, to me pushing out of your comfort zone by taking a class, joining a meetup group and going to events where you don't know anybody, joining Toastmasters where you have to speak in front of a group, those kind of things will build your confidence overall, because you will know you can get past fear and be okay. THAT IMO is how you build confidence, and then you'll be able to approach girls as a man, proud of who he is and confident, and that is when your romantic life will get better. If you don't know you're a prize, how would you expect anyone else to?
I have few friends dont trust to many people I don't go to parties or clubs. I pretty much don't do anything I don't get anything out of that includes dating and I was abused as a kid by mother so I dont fear anything and no that has nothing to do with how i see women and i dont need therapy.
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