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Old 12-10-2013, 11:10 PM
 
428 posts, read 398,260 times
Reputation: 105

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Quote:
Originally Posted by soUlwounD View Post
And then be a first in your life who has a one Even you would be surrounded by negative things, YOU can choose some things how it goes what comes to YOU. Be that husband in a happy marriage and show to you it is possible. You are in control of your part of your relationship.

What you see around is not YOUR life. Your life and your experiences are result of YOUR choises and goals.

Not forcing you to marry anyone, just commenting above.
But what would you do when you think these negative things are obvious and would happen to you no matter what. I think that is how my thought process has become and i cannot change it,
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Old 12-11-2013, 08:31 AM
 
428 posts, read 398,260 times
Reputation: 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy1190 View Post
You have to be mad to see a therapist? I guess 90% of the population of the western world must be mad then.
How do you know 90% of the population seek therepist ?
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Old 12-11-2013, 11:18 AM
 
6,040 posts, read 4,979,613 times
Reputation: 16753
Quote:
Originally Posted by princewilla View Post
.....................
Awwww, that's so cute!

Seriously...you don't like anything you're hearing, so this is just one big selfie series of posts.
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Old 12-11-2013, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Somewhere
8,070 posts, read 5,875,048 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by princewilla View Post

It was not a cry for help. It was just a question to seek some advices. And after reading comments and responses i am no longer depressed or sad.
Help for what ?
For thinking differently ?

Is all your hate for marriage and fatherhood gone after reading some of the responses?

Quote:
Originally Posted by princewilla View Post
views of many women on men etc in internet make me hate the institution of marriage, fatherhood and love.
Why should i even bother

Then i feel irritated n depressed sometimes. I remain happy most of the time but sometimes this feeling gets me.
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Old 12-11-2013, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
25,043 posts, read 27,015,353 times
Reputation: 57538
Quote:
Originally Posted by princewilla View Post
There are so many men who think like me and don't want to involve with a woman infact there is a whole movement. MGTOW.
.
How many is "so many"? Have you ever met any of these men in the real world? Of course people can choose to live their lives in whatever manner they see fit, but don't delude yourself that a few dozen misfits in a dark corner of the internet are a revolution.
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Old 12-11-2013, 01:03 PM
 
Location: PNW, CPSouth, JacksonHole, Southampton
3,328 posts, read 4,597,681 times
Reputation: 12614
Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020 View Post
You could go gay.
Actually, that's good advice, whether or not you meant it to be.

A lot of men switch teams, after years of unsatisfactory interactions with the women in their lives. I'm from Mississippi, where women view and treat men as if men were wayward dogs, perpetually in need of being controlled and 'corrected'. This leads, of course, to a whole constellation of negative syndromes/symptoms/behavioral patterns in the men. I've often wondered why every single man in Mississippi isn't Gay, considered how they've been treated, all their lives, by women. (I married a big Cajun/Creole from Louisiana, who arrived with far less baggage than a guy from my own state would have had)

And a lot of men figure it out, beforehand. They figure out that with The Male Role, in certain cultures, comes a set of onerous burdens. Rejecting women, for them, means rejecting the slavery inherent in The Male Role.

I know a Gay man half-a-generation older than me. His moment of epiphany was this (from my letter archives, and edited/paraphrased by me):

"A bunch of people from our rural community went down to Panama City (a lower-middle-class kid-friendly beach town on Florida's Gulf Coast) for a few days. I was maybe thirteen. There were two older girls, one of them an in-law of my Aunt, who, possibly with prompting from others - you know - "to git him to dating girls" - got me to go with them to see the amusement parks on the beach. Very soon, they were telling me "You're the Boy. You're supposed to pay."

"Oh, yeah? I'm supposed to pay for the rides and soft drinks and stuff, just because I'm a boy and they're girls?

"It helped me see that women, first of all, tend to create unnecessary and expensive situations. I mean, I would not have been out there, doing things that cost money and which yielded zero long-term benefit, if not for them. And then, I saw that the man-woman thing was some sort of sick game, with a set of rules that set me up to lose. Who'd be stupid enough to play a game like that?


"Well, I guess the 'results' of the 'date' were reported to my Aunt (whose machinations, I will add, resulted in her Husband's inheriting over half the stock in our family's primary corporation... when Grandfather's notes accompanying his will specifically stated each of the four children were to inherit equally - allowing her fat, loud self to wallow in Cadillacs and furs and ugly diamond-encrusted dreck from schlocky Jewelers like Service Merchandise), who basically glared at me for the duration of the trip.

"I suppose this was to have been "training" for me, to help me see my "place" in the scheme of things. My "place" was to be a meal ticket for, and victim of, women - condemned to following their orders, doing their bidding, making things happen for them, making them happy.... Like my Aunt's poor zhlub of a Husband, whose entire being has been subsumed by her and her needs and her whims.

"How unfair! The money came from his father. And here he was, this absolute dreamboat of an ex-Air Force-pilot (When he was young, he and Paul Newman and Charlton Heston could have been triplets, they looked so alike...), and here she was, this overweight little nobody, with a loud mouth... just this gaping chasm of neediness and bossyness. Yet, his life became totally about her... her friends... her family... her ridiculously large brood... her brood's ridiculously large broods... What choice did he have but to systematically cannibalize his siblings' inheritance, to subsidize all those grandbabies? What choice did he have, but to stand there, smiling-but-mute, while his gelatinous harpy of a wife drowned-out everybody else with her 'cute' little yammerings?

"Well, the other big impression I left Panama City with, at the end of that jaunt, was of the muscleman in the bikini we'd seen as we drove up to our hotel. Traffic was heavy, and we crept past him, as he stood on the beach beside the road, talking to somebody. I was impressed. First one of those I'd ever seen, in-person. Wow. I'll never forget. So, seeing him in his magnificence, plus having that expensive experience with those girls, probably started the wheels turning in my head.

"And I started seeing that other women in the family were trying to "shape" and "guide" me into that servile, all-paying model they felt was appropriate for men. Another plump Aunt, this one from the good side of my family, who had reduced her husband to a nebbishy little nothing, demonized by her family, started "grooming" me to be a servant of women. I bought into the running narrative in our family, of her 'no good' Husband's innate worthlessness. Today, I realize that my Aunt was as responsible as anyone for his permanent adolescence, and for the fact that they ran through his Father's considerable fortune before they were even fifty.

"That aunt was always trying to "train" me to be a check-grabber and a bon vivant. How stupid! Everything was about maintaining a level of spending which would make women happy. Nothing was about amassing wealth - only about spending, in order to make women feel good about themselves, and allow them to maintain a certain stature among other women.

"I'm glad I opted-out. Frankly, death would have been preferable to a 'life' like that."


Me? I've always made at least as much money as has my Husband. I've pulled my own weight. Know the old saying?... "Jesus Saves: Moses Invests!" Well, I've been the Moses in our marriage. I'm an Economist, and I'm good at investing. My Husband does not see me as some vampire, sucking-out his lifeblood to squander on foolishness. And as far as sex goes... he knows I get as much out of it as does he. I'm always eager, and do not try to make him think I'm doing him a favor by 'putting out'. He's a living dream, and I let him know it.

Our Sons are solidly hetero, but only date mentally healthy women with good degrees, or in good degree programs, who are not needy, and who will not (we think) turn into needy little suckfish.

But frankly, our sons have solid money (we started our kids' trust funds as soon as they were born), are built like tanks, are hung like horses, and have great degrees. Girls like the ones they date are not available to ordinary guys. Our boys only date Scandinavians, by the way - and only the ones who were not raised to be blood-sucking princesses.

As for our Daughter, we raised her to not be a princess. We used a bit of Operant Conditioning to help her link princesshood with being a cheap little nothing whose parents shopped at K-Mart. We taught her to insist upon paying for the first date, and to not be needy, demanding, and demeaning to males. It paid off: despite being brown, she dated the biggest, blondest, smartest boys around. A capable, extremely fit, low-maintenance girl - one who makes boys feel good about themselves - is going to be first-choice, every time, among guys with good sense. Guys who go for Toxic Vampire Vixens are guys best avoided. She ended up marrying better than we'd ever dared dream. At first, I said, "The only step up from this guy would have been Prince Harry!" But the guy she did marry is bigger and blonder than Harry. And let's face it: Prince Hottie is not a surgeon in a lucrative niche. And I don't think Harry has inside access to major European capital which could translate to chairmanship of a major medical corporation. Look at Prince Hottie's poor Father, barely able to afford an old Bentley. Harry would be a step down. But unless you're six-feet-six, blonder than moonlight, rippling with muscle, and on a career trajectory where seven figures is considered 'average', you're not going to get the attention of anyone like our Daughter.

I think that for an ordinary guy with ordinary expectations, 'Going Gay' is probably the wisest option. You'll never know whether the dynamics of such an orientation are right for you, until you try it.

Oh, and going through life totally alone and celibate is generally a sad and wretched way to live. I'm all for guys being married to guys, and women married to women. For most people, such arrangements seem to make more sense than the wretched heterosexual marriages I see everywhere. It would be so wonderful if people were more free to do what makes sense for them, rather than do what is "expected".

Last edited by GrandviewGloria; 12-11-2013 at 01:55 PM..
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Old 12-11-2013, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Utica, NY
1,912 posts, read 2,718,551 times
Reputation: 3220
Um...you can't "go gay". That's the silliest thing I ever heard. He doesn't want to be attracted to women, so why would sleeping with a man or being attracted to a man help?

*confused*
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Old 12-11-2013, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Europe
2,730 posts, read 2,282,168 times
Reputation: 4194
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrandviewGloria View Post
Our boys only date Scandinavians, by the way - and only the ones who were not raised to be blood-sucking princesses.
I hope they get their freedom to fell with a loving girl no matter of geography.
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Old 12-11-2013, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Europe
2,730 posts, read 2,282,168 times
Reputation: 4194
Quote:
Originally Posted by princewilla View Post
But what would you do when you think these negative things are obvious and would happen to you no matter what. I think that is how my thought process has become and i cannot change it,


I would try again


You can change it if you are open for a change and if you want to change. If you want to change your thoughts that is a process, as well as it was a process to become into a point where you are now. Only if you see a value for change yourself, work for it. If you not see any value, then don't. You set your goals what you want to be. If you are happy now, then be like that, if you want something else, then reach out for that

I also know lot of violated, broken and unhappy marriages but we are individuals and we can make our own choices. In a relationship and marriage if your goal is to be happy, your actions are to keep you both happy. Unhappy marriages contain lot of wrong choices and focus is not in a right place. Don't focus on you, don't focus on her but focus to both of you together.

First, don't focus other peoples experiences and problems because you are not those people in person. You choose your ways to manage a relationship, it does not have to be unhappy and unhealthy way. Find your soulmate. The one who has same goals and thoughts of how relationship basic on happiness and not all of that negative stuff.

It is forever school, we grow as individuals an we grow as couples. We don't know what all this life is going to offer for us, negative or positive. But as long as you have a strong union together it does no matter what will happend, you will always survive
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Old 12-11-2013, 02:07 PM
 
428 posts, read 398,260 times
Reputation: 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sugah Ray View Post
Is all your hate for marriage and fatherhood gone after reading some of the responses?
Nope. Because now i think both are just illusion like love.

Do you think these hormones and desires would settle down once i become a 20 year old or so ?
I am optimistic because maybe this is just a phase and my desire would curb naturally once i start to age ?
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