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I've lost my will. I've lost my strength. I can't be strong, not even for my kids. It's gone. I don't know what to do.
I can't let anyone know how weak I truly am.
Sorry to hear about your problems, kat247. And thanks for reaching out for help. You are doing the right things by asking for help.
I'm not religious in anyway (although I used to be very religious), but I find newlife.com, a Christian ministry to be helpful in dealing with tough situations. If you are not religious, just ignore the bits about religion but they have resources as well as support groups you can join.
I'm venting here to total strangers because I don't want to air out my dirty laundry with family and friends. I do this out of respect for my kids and the relationship that him and I need to parent our them. I have a therapist and I haven't seen her lately with the holiday and all.
I'm venting here to total strangers because I don't want to air out my dirty laundry with family and friends. I do this out of respect for my kids and the relationship that him and I need to parent our them. I have a therapist and I haven't seen her lately with the holiday and all.
I understand but there is no shame in admitting to friends and family that your marriage is not working. There is no shame in leaving an abusive man. You don't have to share the details with them but they are the people who can help you get out and who will help you get through this.
I'm venting here to total strangers because I don't want to air out my dirty laundry with family and friends. I do this out of respect for my kids and the relationship that him and I need to parent our them. I have a therapist and I haven't seen her lately with the holiday and all.
I don't understand this statement at all. Did someone ask you why you are doing this? I haven't read all the posts. I've read a few though. Enough to see that this isn't a life or death emergency. Why do you expect total strangers to care? Why should they? Because thats how some people roll. They have excess pep after solving all the problems in their own lives so they have plenty to offer to someone who appears to be in need. Has even one person on here asked you why, if you care so much about your precious children you aren't trying harder to save yourself and them? It can't be as bad as you say if you can come on here everyday, keeping this little drama going. You don't want to air dirty laundry to family and friends? What about when you leave... ... I can't think of a way to keep that secret, can you? I'm just as bored as you but I have a lot less need to drag total strangers into my drama. There are women out there in real physical danger and whether they know it or not, the people helping... trying to help you need to spend less time doing that for people whos story they cannot possibly verify and look out for the subtle cries for help from the very friends and family that they miss out on while engrossed in on line unsolveables.
I've come to this conclusion and that is my problem. I want to end my life. I won't because of my kids.
My husband and I are getting a divorce. He hates me too. I know this because he's always working to "improve me" because "I lack common sense and do everything half a$$ and he must correct me and show the proper way of things."
After the years of putting up with being cursed at, bullied and corrected I stood up and said no more. We get help or I'm leaving. He didn't join me in therapy very long. I started working two jobs to support myself and two kids. I have the means to leave, but I stay and he still hates me and curses at me and cut me down. And I stay. I hate me too now.
I run daily but I can't now because it's artic outside (I'm in Chicago). It's given me strength but now I can't run and it's not the same on a treadmill. Maybe that's it. I don't know.
I've lost my will. I've lost my strength. I can't be strong, not even for my kids. It's gone. I don't know what to do.
I can't let anyone know how weak I truly am.
You are the way you are, no need to try and change yourself. If anything, you and your husband are simply incompatible, and it always takes two to be incompatible.
Sometimes it takes a lot of strength to admit and accept that a relationship has failed. Then again, once you do that, you can start over, meet a nice man etc. Don't desperately stay in a marriage just because of your kids. You only have one life, too precious and short to throw away years or decades even.
Maybe you lack the sunshine. It is a physical and ultimately mental problem that you can tackle by getting one of those special lamps emulating sunlight. My brother suffers from that as well, he is like a zombie during the winter months.
the love you have for your kids, will give you more than enough strength for any challenge,,you just need to get organized- set some short and long term goals,,,
start a checklist, and feel a sense of accomplishment checking them off...
time to steer your own ship,,not wallow in the currents of others
if you are in pain, hurt ,,,heart-ache and feel things wont change,, drive your car somewhere remote,,,and scream out your angers,,,scream loud,,,, then have a short cry ,, and each time you do this,,you will feel better....
let it out and let it go,,
write down all the hurtful things youve heard,,,and now you believe,,,,write a whole page,,then bury that piece of paper,,, or burn it,,,
set goals and like a mother bear,,protect your kids,,and work hard towards your goals,,,
you have to be your own best cheerleader, no one else will be..
I've come to this conclusion and that is my problem. I want to end my life. I won't because of my kids.
My husband and I are getting a divorce. He hates me too. I know this because he's always working to "improve me" because "I lack common sense and do everything half a$$ and he must correct me and show the proper way of things."
After the years of putting up with being cursed at, bullied and corrected I stood up and said no more. We get help or I'm leaving. He didn't join me in therapy very long. I started working two jobs to support myself and two kids. I have the means to leave, but I stay and he still hates me and curses at me and cut me down. And I stay. I hate me too now.
I run daily but I can't now because it's artic outside (I'm in Chicago). It's given me strength but now I can't run and it's not the same on a treadmill. Maybe that's it. I don't know.
I've lost my will. I've lost my strength. I can't be strong, not even for my kids. It's gone. I don't know what to do.
I can't let anyone know how weak I truly am.
You are not weak, you are just tired honey.
Get back into therapy, you desperately need it and your kids are counting on you to get it.
Chicago blues, yep add short cold days and the world seams to close in...my 2 cents, when im bummed I do 2 things to make my world brighter, 1 is just go get down to my kids level, makes me a kid again , when im playing with my kids im free, lol and I look around at all I have and where I am and know soo many are worse off... don't forget to breath''
Op, if you have no common sense as you claim then probably running off with the kids is a very very bad idea. You can't take care of yourself if you don't have common sense. Do you really only put half effort into your endeavors? I would be mad at my partner as well if they did that.
Recognize your own flaws before you take the kids away and may not be able to take care of yourself. If you run off, it WON'T be something you can half ass!
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Don't desperately stay in a marriage just because of your kids. You only have one life, too precious and short to throw away years or decades even. 
